Читать книгу: «Taming Jason», страница 3

CHAPTER THREE

BEFORE Elinor could reply there was a clattering in the corridor outside then a knock on the door.

‘Got your supper,’ Hilda called.

As she wheeled the trolley in Jason turned his head in her direction and Elinor noticed that he made the effort of a smile.

‘What good care of me you take, Hilda! Why should I need any other nurse?’

Hilda’s plain face flushed with pleasure, but she said, ‘You stop your nonsense now, and do what the nurse tells you.’

‘All right, all right!’

‘Shall I set it up for you?’ Hilda began to make her way to an invalid table by the window. It had a free end, designed to swing over the bed.

‘No, Nurse Smith will do it,’ Jason told her. ‘Thank you, Hilda.’

The light faded from his face as the door closed behind her. The pretence of cheerfulness had drained him.

‘The table’s over there somewhere,’ he said.

‘Shall I help you sit up?’

‘No—yes, dammit!’

She slipped an arm under his shoulders, and he gripped her other arm. It was an effort not to flinch, remembering the last time his hands had grasped her, but she stayed calm, although her heart was beating fast. Gently she eased him into a sitting position and pulled more pillows up behind him. Then she laid out the meal on the trolley and swung it over the bed.

‘What is it?’ he demanded, sensing her hesitation.

‘Hilda’s left you a jug of gravy, Mr Tenby, but do you really want it?’ She chose her words carefully. She’d nursed the blind before, and knew how they hated gravy because it ended up everywhere.

Jason grew still and there was a sudden arrested look on his face as though he’d heard, unexpectedly, the one hint of understanding he’d been listening for.

‘No, I don’t,’ he admitted at last. ‘Hilda’s a dear, but she doesn’t think.’

‘Is there anything else I can do for you?’

‘If you mean do I need my food cut up, no.’

‘Then I’ll leave you.’

‘Yes, go and start moving out of that room.’

She left without answering. In her own room she changed out of her uniform but made no attempt to move her things.

Downstairs, Hilda had a meal ready for her. She’d laid a table in the dining room, evidently feeling that Elinor’s dignity demanded this. But after one meal in solitary state Elinor decided to eat with Hilda in the kitchen. She carried her plates through, and began to help with the washing-up.

‘By the way, I looked in to see how he was managing,’ Hilda said, ‘and he told me to move your stuff.’

‘No,’ Elinor said urgently.

‘Don’t you worry. I listened with my deaf ear.’

‘Which ear is that?’

‘It varies,’ Hilda said mysteriously. ‘You do it your way.’

Elinor laughed. She already liked Hilda very much.

When she returned to Jason his first words were, ‘Have you got rid of that uniform?’

‘Yes, I’m in ordinary clothes now,’ she assured him.

‘Let me feel.’ He held out his hand commandingly.

‘Why don’t you just take my word for it, Mr Tenby?’

‘Because I can’t take anyone’s word for anything,’ he shouted.

After a jagged silence he added, ‘I’m sorry. When you’re in the dark—there’s only mistrust—I don’t know how to explain—’

‘You don’t need to,’ she said at once. ‘It was my fault. I should have been more understanding. Here—’ She took his hand and guided it to her arm so that he could feel the soft texture of her sweater. He touched her only briefly before withdrawing his hand.

‘Thank you,’ he said distantly. ‘There was no need for that. Of course I believe you.’

He’d eaten little. Some of the food had fallen onto the sheet. She tidied it up quietly, removed the tray and wheeled the table away from the bed.

‘I’m going away to study my predecessor’s notes,’ she said. ‘Tomorrow we’ll discuss your treatment.’

She was afraid that he might mention her room again, but he made no reply and she left quickly.

It was good to be alone. So far the day had shaken her more than she wanted to admit. She went downstairs and out for some fresh air.

There was a stiff breeze that set the daffodils dancing. Elinor pulled her coat about her and headed into the wind. She would confront the last of her ghosts, and drive them away, she reasoned.

But the ghosts were wicked and mischievous, lying in wait around every corner. There was Simon, a smiling boy, his arms open to her. And there, running to him, was the most painful ghost of all—her own younger self, brimming over with happiness.

Suddenly she pulled up short and pressed her hand over her mouth to stop the anguish welling out. She leaned against an oak tree, clutching it for support while memory shook her. It might all have been so different.

After a while she drew a long breath, lifted her chin and walked on.

It had been high summer when she’d come here last, and the season had reflected the joyous flowering of love in her heart. Now it was late March, the moment when winter turned into spring. The trees were still bare, although a close look would have shown the buds ready to burst into fresh life, but she didn’t see them. For her, spring had never come again.

The big house stood on a hill, looking out over the grounds and beyond them the valley, as though the Tenbys must keep everything beneath their watchful eyes. A beautiful building of honey coloured stone, with elegant proportions, it had been built three hundred years ago by a Tenby with money to spare. Down in the valley was the town of Hampton Tenby, dominated by Tenby & Son, an engineering factory that was the largest employer for miles.

The Tenby family motto was Beware the Lion’s Roar, and it had perfectly summed up their power. Now it seemed even more fitting for Jason—a lion whose wounds had made him dangerous.

The wind was getting up again and the light was fading fast. The feeble sunset turned the windows to gold. Blind eyes, staring out over the countryside. Elinor shivered.

Six years of not allowing herself to feel anything had left her unprepared for the conflicting emotions that tore at her now.

Jason Tenby had destroyed her. If she’d wanted revenge she could have had it today in the sight of his misery. But she wasn’t vengeful, merely cold and tired, and wishing with all her heart that she’d never come back to this place.

By the time she’d finished making him comfortable for the night Jason looked exhausted. His face was drawn, and there was a tense look about his mouth that made her ask, ‘Are you in pain?’

‘Not physically. It’s just the thought of the night. For God’s sake give me something to make me sleep.’

‘Your last nurse seems to have let you rely on sleeping pills rather a lot.’

‘Maybe she understood more than you do what it’s like to be trapped.’

‘Trapped?’

‘In the darkness—and silence. Sometimes I listen to the radio, but after a while it’s just another way of being trapped.’

‘I’ll give you something tonight,’ Elinor said, ‘and we’ll talk about it tomorrow.’

She gave him his usual pill and tried to settle him more comfortably, but he fended her off.

‘Goodnight,’ he said curtly.

‘Goodnight, Mr Tenby.’

It was too soon for her to go to bed, so she went down to the kitchen and spent an hour chatting with Hilda over a pot of tea. When she finally went upstairs she paused outside Jason’s room and listened, shocked by the sounds coming from inside. He was groaning and muttering like a tormented soul. She stood, undecided, for a long time before quietly entering.

He’d told her to leave the curtains pulled back, and the moonlight poured in onto the bed, revealing how he lay still for a moment, then resumed the feverish tossing.

Elinor crossed quietly to the bed, wondering if she ought to awaken him from whatever agonies overwhelmed him in the night.

But she guessed that this was why he’d tried to banish her from the room opposite. He didn’t want her near enough to hear his nightmares, and it would revolt his pride to know that she’d been in here.

‘Why—why—?’ The words came from Jason in a hoarse whisper.

‘Mr Tenby—’ She came closer, wondering if he’d awoken.

Suddenly he gave a violent lurch and one flailing arm caught her on the side of the head. But he went on tossing, and didn’t seem to know what he’d done, or that she was there. So it seemed as though he was still asleep.

She caught his arm and held it gently. ‘It’s all right,’ she said, reciting the words she’d used before in similar situations. ‘Everything’s going to be all right. I’m here.’

‘Where?’ he cried hoarsely.

‘Right here, beside you. Feel me.’ She caught his other hand, guided it to her, then let him hold her arms. He was muttering again.

‘What is it?’ she asked, putting her face close to his and whispering, trying to get through to his tormented brain without waking him.

‘You’re not real,’ he groaned.

‘Yes, I’m real, and I’m here to help you.’

‘You’re never real—always a dream in the end—’

‘Not this time,’ she said, wondering who he was talking about.

‘Tried to make it right—but I could never find you—’

‘There’s plenty of time to make it right,’ she assured him.

‘Too late—you vanished—’

‘You can tell me one day soon,’ Elinor told him gently.

He was lying still now, although his breathing was tortured and sweat stood out on his brow. She mopped it with a handkerchief that lay beside the bed, and the gesture seemed to calm him, although he still held onto her as if his life depended on it.

‘Don’t go,’ he murmured.

‘No, I won’t go, not while you need me.’

He reached out for her, finding his way up her arms to her neck, her face, stroking the hair that tumbled about his hands. The feel of it seemed to take him aback for he paused, wreathing his fingers in the soft locks, frowning.

Elinor took a sharp breath and drew away. Nursing him was one thing, but this kind of intimacy with her enemy wasn’t in the bargain. Slowly, trembling, she took hold of his hand, meaning to free her hair. But his hand was so thin, so lacking in strength, that she couldn’t bring herself to make a sudden movement.

He released her hair, but his fingers moved on, drifting across her face. She grew very tense as he reached the wide curve of her lips. There he stopped and lingered, as if caught in some spell. She held still, aghast at the sensations that his fingertips were sending through her.

They were warm, sweet feelings, delicious and forbidden. Her heart beat madly and she couldn’t breathe.

Suddenly a terrible fear possessed her. She didn’t know why she was afraid of this man who was virtually helpless, but the fear came out of nowhere, shaking her like a rag doll. It was connected with something she couldn’t remember—wouldn’t remember—and it left her shivering with shock. She must get out of here, now, this minute, but his tortured face seemed to hold her.

‘Why did you go?’ he whispered.

Scarcely knowing what she said, she replied, ‘I had to go. You know why.’

What had made her say that? The words had seemed to come of their own accord, but she’d known they were the right ones.

He sighed. ‘Yes, I know why. But if I could only—I wanted to—I tried—but it was too late. Don’t you see—it was too late?’

Without warning his clasp tightened, drawing her closer. Before she could stop him he’d pulled her right down, so that her lips were on his. She stiffened against him, while her mind rebelled with horror.

And with anger, too. Even now, while he was sick and sleeping, Jason Tenby simply took what he wanted, so deep rooted was his instinct to command, to possess.

‘Let me go,’ she insisted fiercely, struggling to free herself.

‘No—’ he whispered against her mouth. ‘You mustn’t go again. You might vanish back into the dark, and I couldn’t bear that. Stay with me—don’t condemn me to despair.’

She didn’t know how to answer. His words were mad, senseless. Yet they found a mysterious echo in her heart, and that was the most senseless thing of all. He wasn’t demanding now, but begging, and she couldn’t sustain her anger in the face of that anguished plea.

He kissed her again and suddenly she had no more strength to resist. Thoughts and feelings rioted together. She must stop this—it was unprofessional—he might wake—she must get away—how warm his lips were—how seductively they moved against hers, enticing her response. How sweet the feelings that surged up—how joyful, wicked, terrifying.

Her own mouth began to caress his. It was madness but she couldn’t help herself. The world might come to an end but she was held, helpless, in a timeless magic that made a mockery of propriety, and even of hostility. In that other dimension there were no friends or enemies, only lovers.

And then it was all over. His hands slid back on the bed as though the strength had suddenly drained out of them, and she was free to go.

The abrupt ending of the magic was almost as shocking as its beginning. Her heart was pounding and shivers—whether hot or cold she couldn’t have said—still possessed her body. But for him it had ended.

Moving slowly, so as not to disturb him, Elinor rose and backed away from the bed. Jason lay like a man stunned. His breathing was quiet and relaxed, and she knew that he was sleeping normally at last.

She escaped to her own room. There she stood in the darkness, shaking with the terror of what had happened to her. And yet nothing had happened. Her patient had been in distress and she had comforted him. That was all. She must cling to that thought. She must.

She awoke to the sound of a March wind blustering and sobbing around the house. Rain lashed the windows and the sight that met her eyes when she looked out was depressing.

She wondered what would happen when she went into Jason’s room. How deeply asleep had he been last night?

Would he remember anything?

She found him lying quite still in an attitude of tension that told her he was awake.

‘Good morning,’ she said quietly. ‘Did you sleep well, Mr Tenby?’

The question was a coded message, telling him that she hadn’t heard his disturbance. Some of the tension went out of him.

‘Excellently, thank you.’

‘The weather isn’t very nice,’ she said conversationally. ‘I expect you can hear the rain.’

The words meant nothing. She was establishing the territory, saying anything except what was really in her mind.

Who were you talking to in your dream last night?

It couldn’t possibly have been Cindy Smith. Could it?

Behind her she heard a pattering of feet in the corridor and a soft yelp. She turned in time to see Bob dash into the room.

‘No!’ she said, aghast at the state of him, for he’d been out in the rain. Before she could stop him he came bounding across the floor, long ears flapping, and took a flying leap onto the bed.

Jason gave a soft grunt as Bob landed on him. The next moment his arms were about the dog, offering his face to the animal’s frantic licks. For the first time Elinor saw him smile with real pleasure.

‘There’s a boy,’ he was saying. ‘Good boy, good boy.’

He embraced the frantically wriggling little body, and Bob went mad with delight. Elinor regarded him, fascinated. Jason’s face was alive with warmth and love, making him a different man.

‘Hey, you’re going to be in trouble,’ he said, feeling the muddy coat. ‘I guess the bed’s a mess, Nurse?’

‘That’s putting it mildly. Never mind. It’s not the end of the world.’

‘You must have left the door open. Normally I don’t allow him in.’

‘But why not? I can see he adores you.’

‘It’s no place for him, shut in with my moods—’

‘You might be in a better mood if you had more of his company. And it’s exactly the right place for him. He’s trying to tell you that he’s not just here to be played with. He’s here to console you as well. That’s his job, and you’re denying him the chance to do it.’

‘It’ll make extra work for you.’

‘It doesn’t matter. Sheets and pyjamas can be washed. I’ll get you a clean jacket right now.’

‘And you don’t mind?’

‘I’ve got a job to do as well, Mr Tenby, and I want all the help Bob can give me.’

He lay back, fondling the dog’s ears. ‘That’s not what the last one said.’

‘Let’s consider Bob part of the nursing team. But you, you mucky pup—’ she patted the dog’s head ‘—are under my orders now. Next time you let me dry you off first.’

‘Hear that?’ Jason asked the dog. ‘You’ve got to do as you’re told.’ He added wryly, ‘I guess we both have.’

Elinor shooed the dog away for his breakfast. ‘And I’ll bring yours when you’re shaved and presentable,’ she told Jason.

She pulled off the muddy top sheet, and helped him off with his pyjama jacket. An ugly scar disfigured his chest from the emergency operation that had only just saved his lungs from being pierced by broken ribs. Now Elinor could clearly see the shape of those ribs through the skin.

The broad outline of his chest was still there, but it had a wasted look. He was a lot thinner, and she could understand why Hilda wanted to build him up.

It struck her suddenly how alone he was in this house, with only paid employees to care for him. Where was his brother, his fiancée? Where was anyone who loved him?

Of course, he’d driven them off, just as he’d tried to drive her away. But suddenly it seemed terrible that, at this time of his agony, he was in the hands of a woman who hadn’t even wanted to look after him.

‘Where do I find your clean things?’ she asked.

‘In the drawers at the left of the window.’

She found the jacket and handed it to him. He gave a grunt of thanks and made a small defensive movement, as though afraid she would try to put it on him. But she left him to do it himself while she went for a sheet.

When she’d finished making up the bed he said, ‘You can’t go on calling me Mr Tenby. Jason will do.’

‘Very well, Jason.’

‘And I want to know your first name.’

‘Elinor,’ she said. ‘Now I’ll get your breakfast.’

‘My estate manager is coming this morning,’ he said firmly.

‘Then you’d better eat plenty to be at your best for him.’

When the manager arrived an hour later Elinor left the house for a walk. The rain had stopped and a watery sun had come out. Everywhere the trees were hung with droplets of water that caught the light and gave the scene a magical appearance.

But she saw none of it. Her eyes were turned inwards to a woman who’d come here reluctantly to nurse a man she hated, and betrayed every nursing standard she lived by on the very first night.

She hated him, but she’d let him pull her into his arms for a forbidden kiss that had given her exquisite pleasure. She could have—should have—tried harder to resist. But she hadn’t—for the patient’s sake, of course. To have struggled would have been to risk him waking and finding himself in an embarrassing situation. The patient must be protected at all costs.

That would do for now. But sooner or later she would have to face the real reason. And it would mean opening a door in her mind that she’d kept bolted and barred for six years.

She walked for a couple of hours, until at last the manager’s car passed her in the lane that ran through a wood, driving away. She headed back and was nearing the house when she felt a soft thrumming in the earth beneath her feet, followed by the sound of hoofbeats. She turned and saw a chestnut horse, ridden by a beautiful young woman, coming straight for her from the other side of a fallen tree. The rider’s tall figure was grace personified as she crouched low over her mount’s back for him to take the jump.

She landed close to Elinor, who’d backed hastily, spattered her with mud, and rode on into the distance without a glance. Elinor indignantly brushed herself down, wondering who the rider was who cared so little for the rest of the world.

She found Jason tired. She took his temperature, and discovered that it was up. But she made no comment, not wanting to irritate him.

‘What’s that?’ he demanded. His sharp ears had detected the crunch of gravel beneath his window.

Elinor looked out. ‘It’s a young woman on horseback. She passed me in the grounds.’

‘Virginia,’ he said.

Elinor just had time to tidy the bed before the door was flung open and a vision of elegance burst into the room.

Lady Virginia Cavenham was thirty, with a haughty beauty and the kind of assurance that came from being born into wealth and privilege. Her jodhpurs revealed long, shaply legs, her riding jacket looked couture, and around her neck she wore a white scarf of pure silk. Her face was made up too heavily for the country, and a musky perfume seemed to waft into the room ahead of her.

‘My darling,’ she cooed, flinging wide her arms to Jason, who couldn’t see them. The next moment she leaned over the bed and enveloped him in a scented embrace.

‘Well, you took your time getting back,’ he said good humouredly.

‘Darling, I know I’m a few days overdue, but London is so crowded. Everything took longer than I thought, and I had to drop in on all the gang. Simply everyone asked about you.’

‘That was kind of them.’

‘They’re all too, too devastated by what’s happened, but they were just thrilled when I told them how splendidly you’re getting on.’

‘I’m glad you told them that.’ Jason’s voice was touched with strain, but Elinor was sure Virginia would be oblivious.

Her impression of the young woman was deeply unfavourable. Virginia seemed to have no sensitivity to how things would seem to the sick man.

Virginia’s next words confirmed it. ‘Did you get my card?’

‘Yes, Hilda read it to me,’ Jason said.

‘It took me ages to find the right one.’ She seemed to become aware of Elinor in the room and gave a ripple of laughter. ‘Oh, heavens, not again. Jason, darling, you haven’t sent yet another nurse screaming into the night?’

He managed a grin. ‘’Fraid so. This is her replacement, Nurse Smith.’

Virginia rose and approached Elinor, hand outstretched, beaming a smile at her.

‘Smith,’ she bubbled. ‘What a wonderfully bland name for a nurse.’

‘It has its uses,’ Elinor agreed, refusing to be provoked.

‘I think you’re a perfect saint to look after my poor Jason. None of his nurses can stand him for a moment. I do hope he’s paying you pots of money.’

‘I get the regulation payment,’ Elinor said coolly.

‘Well, you’ll soon be demanding danger money. You have all my sympathy.’

She was plainly putting herself out to overwhelm Elinor with charm. Elinor remained firmly underwhelmed.

‘You’re very kind,’ she said, politely.

Virginia regarded her askance, as though she’d expected her overtures to be met with more enthusiasm, and was offended that they weren’t.

‘Haven’t I seen you somewhere before?’ she asked.

‘You nearly rode me down,’ Elinor said, adding significantly, ‘That was nearly an hour ago.’

On horseback Virginia should have reached the house well before her. That she hadn’t suggested that she’d enjoyed a leisurely ride before visiting her fiancé.

But it took more than that to disconcert Lady Virginia Cavenham. ‘Yes, I love this place so much I just had to take a look around on my way here,’ she gushed. ‘I could murder a coffee. Hilda knows how I like it made. And some for Jason.’

‘None for me,’ Jason said quickly.

‘Darling, of course you must.’ She glanced at Elinor. ‘Hurry please.’

Elinor returned a few minutes later with a tray, which she set down by the bed.

‘You haven’t brought any for Jason,’ Virginia complained.

‘Mr Tenby said he didn’t want any,’ Elinor reminded her.

‘And I asked you to bring some,’ Virginia said crisply.

‘Miss Cavenham,’ Elinor said quietly, ‘Mr Tenby is my patient and my employer. I take my orders from him.’

She left the room without another word. She was very cross.