Читать книгу: «The Morning After the Wedding Before»

To Stacey.

Always in my thoughts.

Forever in my heart.

Chapter 1
Holly

As Holly looked around, hypnotized by the scene in front of her, she had a good feeling about this trip. It wasn’t as though she hadn’t been to a pool party on holiday before; she’d been to dozens when she’d been in her early twenties. It was just she’d never been to Las Vegas before; the swimming pool was absolutely enormous, the sun blazing, music blasting, the place was heaving with young people and it was a twenty-four-hour party paradise. She felt so pleased that her college friend, Emma Langford, had chosen Vegas as her wedding destination. Holly being a single mother to two young children, it was exactly the kind of place the doctor ordered. The wedding was the perfect excuse to escape toddler tantrums for this oasis of indulgence.

‘Emma?’ Holly called out hesitantly, as she made her way over to the slender girl in the white bikini taking a selfie. The girl she was calling had her back to Holly and hadn’t heard her voice over the loud music. Holly knew Emma had lost tons of weight, but they hadn’t seen each other in six months. Was that really her?

Emma turned round, her pretty face exploding into a huge smile. ‘Holly, you came!’ She laughed, gripping her in a tight hug, pushing her sunglasses back into her long, dark hair. ‘It’s so good to see you. I’m glad you found us okay, especially seeing as this place is so packed. Where’s Kim?’ she questioned, suddenly noticing that Holly was alone.

‘She’s taking a nap in the hotel room,’ Holly explained. They’d only landed about two hours ago and her best friend, Kim, had felt too tired to venture out. Kim was also a mother to two children: Mylo who was three, and Willow, nine months. They were a similar age to Holly’s children, Lottie and Jacob. Kim had been more excited about catching up on some sleep than anything else and had sprawled out the moment they got into the hotel room and discovered their giant beds. ‘I’m hoping Kim will come out later. You look amazing, Emma, honestly, absolutely stunning. I hardly recognize you,’ Holly told her earnestly, her eyes sweeping up and down in admiration. ‘I can’t believe you have nearly half a million followers on Instagram now too; it’s absolutely amazing. You must be so proud of yourself.’

Emma was a lifestyle blogger; Holly often checked out her page, lusting over the exotic trips abroad Emma posted about. It had all started with Emma sharing an image of her weight loss and after gaining thousands of followers during her journey, her page had since changed to her general lifestyle. Emma posted about everything: from her new outfit, to the food she was eating or her latest make-up routine. Her Instagram page followers continued to increase, and at a rapid rate too. Emma’s images were flawless and aspirational. Sometimes Holly couldn’t believe Emma was the same person as the plus-size, curvy teen from college she’d met all those years ago. She appeared to have the dream life and was now making a career just from posting on social media; it was quite incredible and Holly was so happy for her friend who used to have such low self-esteem. Emma was now tiny, Holly realized, astonished by her transformation; she guessed she was now a size eight or maybe even a six. Holly was aware she’d lost even more weight since she’d last seen her, judging by her Instagram feed, but she had always imagined Emma had tweaked her images a little. Taken them from a flattering angle and perhaps added a filter or adjusted the lighting. But here Emma was, looking every bit as polished as she did in her posts. Her hair was glossy, her skin was glowing and Holly couldn’t take her eyes off Emma’s toned abs. It was almost impossible to remember what Emma had looked like when she’d been a size eighteen. Like when your children grew up and you forgot the memories of them being a newborn baby; Holly simply couldn’t imagine it.

‘Thank you,’ Emma replied, her cheeks reddening with the compliment. ‘I wouldn’t have been able to do any of it without Charlie though. He’s always helped manage my Instagram page and somehow my followers have climbed to half a million. It’s been such a mad year. Having a fiancé who is a personal trainer has obviously helped me get into shape, and the wedding has been the motivation I needed too,’ she explained before changing the subject. ‘That’s a shame about Kim, but perhaps she just needs a bit of rest after the long flight. Come, let me introduce you to some of the others.’

Emma introduced Holly to some of her friends lying on the large round sun-bed next to her and she was pleased to see some familiar faces when she noticed Fran and Danni, two girls from college, were also there. She’d never met Charlie, but Holly felt as though she already knew him just from Emma’s Instagram. It was strange feeling as though you knew someone just from seeing them on social media. He too, looked every bit as perfect as Emma often displayed, and flashed Holly a warm, welcoming grin.

‘This is Frankie, Charlie’s cousin,’ Emma introduced the man next to Charlie. ‘He practically lives with us back home,’ Emma laughed good-naturedly, ‘we can’t seem to get rid of him. He’s like part of the furniture.’

Frankie shot Emma a mock-offended look. ‘You don’t complain when I’m cooking the dinner,’ he chuckled.

‘To be fair, he’s an amazing cook,’ Emma flashed him a natural smile. ‘You’ve been a massive help with the wedding too,’ she added sweetly, ‘even more than Charlie I’d say.’ She raised her eyebrows at her fiancé, but it was clear to see that Emma wasn’t really bothered.

‘Hey, I’ve done loads of organizing,’ Charlie retorted without conviction. ‘Frankie’s just better than me at planning things, that’s all,’ he shrugged, ‘he seems to like all the girly stuff.’

Frankie elbowed him playfully.

‘Come, let’s go to the bar and get a drink,’ Emma suggested to Holly merrily, ‘we have so much to catch up on.’

Holly felt a buzz of excitement as she followed Emma. She hadn’t drunk alcohol in the daytime for ages. It felt rebellious and completely alien to her. It was hardly a regular occurrence since she’d become a parent and she felt so free having no children to think about while she was here. No noses to wipe, faces to clean or nappies to change; Holly was determined to enjoy every second and appreciate just thinking about herself for once. This was so far from her usual Wednesday afternoons at Lottie’s swimming lesson, chasing after Jacob as he toddled closer and closer towards the swimming pool and trying to feed him as many snacks as possible to keep him occupied.

‘Thanks so much for coming all the way out here for my wedding,’ Emma said, looking grateful as they ordered some cocktails. ‘I know it’s not exactly close to home and it must be difficult for you with the children. How are they? I haven’t seen them for ages. We must start making sure we meet up more often when we get back,’ she said guiltily.

‘Definitely,’ Holly agreed. Before she and Kim had become parents, they used to see Emma all the time. It wasn’t anyone’s fault that they didn’t spend as much time together any more; it was just one of those things. Their lives had gone in different directions. Kim and Holly often met at the local park or farm with their children, while Emma was extremely busy enjoying her successful career. They’d invited Emma out a few times, but Holly wasn’t surprised that Emma had turned their invite down for whatever reason; Holly couldn’t imagine she would want to spend time at a soft play if she didn’t have kids. Their nights out seemed to have stopped as soon as Holly and Kim had become pregnant, and Holly couldn’t even remember the last time they all went out together and had fun like they used to. It was so difficult getting Kim to agree to do something in the evenings without the children, and Holly guessed she’d since just given up asking. Kim was such a worrier. She hated leaving her children alone, even if her husband, Andy, or her mum was watching them. They did need to make much more of an effort though and Holly vowed she would in future. She didn’t even know the man that Emma was marrying; it had been far too long.

She couldn’t resist smiling as she thought of her children. It certainly wasn’t easy caring for two little people all the time, especially now that she and their father, Rob, had split up, but she loved her children more than anything. They were the one thing she was really proud of.

‘They’re good,’ Holly replied. ‘They’re staying with my mum for a few days and then Rob is picking them up. He has a new girlfriend now,’ she explained, still unsure how she felt about another woman being around her children. It was still so fresh and raw. ‘He told me the day you sent your wedding invites out.’

‘Oh wow, really? I was just about to ask how you two are getting on now you’re not together any more. Have you met her? I guess it must be so strange.’ Emma gazed at Holly, her voice laced with sympathy.

Holly nodded. She and Rob had split up eight months before, and Holly had only seen Emma once, just after it happened. Jacob had only been five months old and had been teething when Emma had come over to see how Holly was doing, and it had been difficult to talk while bouncing a grisly baby on her knee. Emma didn’t really know much detail about the split at all.

She thought back to that day Rob had told her all about his new girlfriend. Kim had been over that afternoon and they had been discussing Emma’s wedding after both receiving invites that day. Holly had been bursting with excitement at the aspect of going to Vegas, but Kim had been reluctant, unhappy about leaving her children to fly halfway across the world. Holly wasn’t sure she wanted to go without Kim, so she told herself it probably wasn’t going to happen and she hadn’t even been thinking about it when Rob knocked that evening to collect the children. They had come to the agreement that he would take them every Thursday night as well as every other weekend. It had always felt so weird letting Rob into the house they once shared together as though he was just a visitor. He no longer let himself in using the front door key, calling out her name so she knew he had arrived back. Instead, he waited until Holly answered the door; something they’d never actually discussed but just something Rob started doing when he moved out. It was the polite thing to do. It was so Rob. Holly was pleased they still respected each other and hadn’t fallen out. She prided herself on the fact that she was friends with the ex; she wasn’t one of those women who sent bitter text messages and used their children as a weapon. They were mature and grown up about it. They put their children first.

Holly thought back to how she handed Rob a bag with the kids’ things in, wondering why he was acting so distracted. Questioning why he looked so nervous.

‘Erm, I need to speak to you,’ he said, suddenly sounding serious.

‘Right, okay,’ Holly had replied, her brow furrowed. She’d told Lottie and Jacob to go fetch their teddies from the other room so they could be alone and she’d stared at Rob in wonderment, assuming it was going to be about whether he could switch weekends or something trivial. ‘Speak away.’

Rob bit his lip looking a bit unsure of himself. His nostrils flared and she could feel the tension emanating from him. ‘Errr … I just wanted to tell you that I’ve met someone,’ he stated, looking ill at ease. ‘She’s called Nikki.’

He was never great in uncomfortable situations. She remembered once when she’d made him question the gardener about charging too much or the time they’d gone into a sex shop together to buy her some new underwear at the start of their relationship and the sales assistant asked him if he needed any help – he simply couldn’t make eye contact, shifted on the spot and kept clearing his throat as though it would clear his awkwardness. Looking at him with his flushed cheeks, Holly had almost felt sorry for him. That was, if his words hadn’t felt like he’d slapped her hard across the face. She always thought if Rob met someone else, then she would guess long before he told her. She knew him so well, she thought herself wise enough to see the telltale signs. When they’d first became a couple, he couldn’t stop smiling. He couldn’t even ask her if she wanted a drink without a huge grin on his face. Like the cat that got the cream. When he woke up, he would turn to face her with this look on his face. As though he couldn’t quite believe that she was there. He couldn’t believe his luck. He had made her feel like the most precious, loved person in the whole entire world.

So for him to stand in front of her telling her he had met someone else had been a complete shock. Holly realized then that she hadn’t been expecting Rob to meet someone so soon.

‘That’s nice,’ Holly managed to say, forcing her voice to sound bright. Her face felt hot and she knew it wasn’t because it was a humid summer’s evening. She was irritated that she hadn’t been prepared for this and also at herself for not feeling as relaxed about it as she always told herself she would be. She felt a shot of betrayal, even though she knew it was silly, and was slightly embarrassed. Holly hadn’t met anyone since they’d split up. She hadn’t so much as had a flirty conversation with someone of the opposite sex. Not even a harmless text message. It just wasn’t a priority of hers. She had her friends, family and children and that was the most important thing.

Rob had then proceeded to say that Nikki wanted to meet her. Holly couldn’t deny it was the mature and sensible thing to do, seeing as Rob wanted to introduce her to their children.

As soon as Holly had agreed, his awkwardness had melted away as quickly as an ice cube on a hot summer’s day. Instead, it was Holly left there feeling anxious.

‘Where did you meet her? How old is she?’ Holly enquired, unable to suppress her curiousness.

He gave a light laugh, looking happy. There was the expression she hadn’t seen in years and Holly knew at that point it was serious. This wasn’t just a casual fling – Rob had fallen in love. It was a strange situation, but Holly was pleased for him. She would always have a special place in her heart for Rob. ‘Online. I know you’ll find that quite sad, but trust me she’s a nice girl. She’s twenty-five. She’s not a weirdo or anything; she’s actually training to be a doctor. You’ll like her, I’m certain of it.’

‘I have something to tell you too, actually.’ The words had just come tumbling out of her mouth impulsively. What was she saying? She hadn’t thought any of it through, but it was at that moment that Holly decided she was going to Emma’s wedding. Rob could have his doctor and she would have Vegas. For some reason she didn’t want him to be the only one with some important news to share that day.

‘Okay?’ He looked at her questioningly.

‘I’m going to Vegas for Emma’s wedding,’ Holly told him boldly. She was going with or without Kim. She wasn’t sure if there were any other people she knew attending the wedding, but Holly would be just fine going alone. She liked to think herself as a friendly, innocuous person who didn’t have any problems socializing all by herself. Life was too short and she deserved some fun. Rob was clearly enjoying himself with Nikki and now it was her turn to have a break away and think about herself for once. She’d been pleasantly surprised when Kim had announced the following day that she would join her.

Memories of that day faded as Holly focused on Emma’s concerned expression in front of her as she explained what had happened, taking a sip of her frozen strawberry daquiri the barman had just handed her. ‘So I met Nikki before I came out here, and she’s actually really nice,’ she said truthfully. It had been impossible not to like Nikki. She wasn’t drop-dead gorgeous, but she was attractive in her own way. She had beautiful hazel eyes, flecked with amber and green (the kind Rob would have called interesting) and a perfect smile (Holly could imagine she took great photos). She was just so nice. Holly had been terrified she would hate Nikki. What if she didn’t get on with her children? It was a worrying thought that there would be another person playing ‘‘Mummy" to Lottie and Jacob when she wasn’t around. She’d been worried she’d be envious of her young, toned, stretch mark-free body. She didn’t want to resent the fact that she and Rob could go out for dinner whenever it suited them. Or to the cinema. They had time to be alone without having to watch children’s programmes like Bing and Mr Tumble. But Holly had felt relieved when it hadn’t been like that at all. Nikki’s happy, breezy nature was contagious. Holly could just imagine her giving money to charity every month and volunteering in a soup kitchen on Christmas Day. Nikki was understanding and inoffensive. Deep down Holly knew she was very lucky if this was her ex-partner’s new girlfriend. Holly instantly trusted her and felt comfortable that her children would be in her presence. Nikki had told her she loved kids and had been excited about getting to know Lottie and Jacob; she’d even gone out to buy them small gifts. ‘I actually really liked her. She’s mature for a twenty-five-year-old and she couldn’t wait to meet the children. She was so easy to get on with and I can see that she and Rob make a great couple. They seem so much better suited than Rob and I ever were.’

‘You’re handling things great,’ Emma said sincerely. ‘I can’t imagine many people like their ex’s new girlfriend. I think it’s fantastic if you can be friends.’

‘Yes, I really hope we can,’ Holly replied truthfully. ‘Anyway, tell me about the wedding,’ she said eagerly, not wanting to talk all about herself. ‘What’s the dress like? Or are you keeping it a secret?’

‘Charlie sorted a hire company for me and they’ve leant me one for free providing I tag them in my wedding posts,’ she explained. ‘I’ll show you a photo; it’s so pretty,’ she said, clicking on her mobile and flicking through her images.

‘Wow, Em, that’s so good. I can’t believe you haven’t had to pay for your wedding dress,’ Holly said, incredulous.

‘Charlie has managed to get free suit hires for all the men too; I’m really lucky to have him,’ she explained, flashing Holly the image of a stunning ivory, backless gown. ‘He’s been great at getting all the free stuff. I still have a few things to do though before the wedding, so I wondered if you and Kim wanted to come along to help me pick things? I’m so indecisive about this kind of thing.’

‘Of course. Anything to help, you know that. Your dress is stunning,’ she said, her mouth popping open as she took Emma’s phone to get a closer look. The material looked so delicate and expensive; it would mould to Emma’s slender figure beautifully. It was the kind of dress that Holly would steer well clear of due to an unforgiving tummy area. Since having children, the idea of a flat stomach seemed like a thing of the past; Holly was fine with this though. Personally she’d rather go out with her kids for pizza and ice-cream as a treat without worrying about her bikini body. It just wasn’t as important now.

‘Thanks Holly. Let’s go in the pool for a bit,’ she replied, walking ahead. ‘I just want everything to be absolutely impeccable, you know?’

Holly nodded. She worked with brides all the time being a hair stylist. Her diary was pretty much fully booked for the rest of the year and she’d offered to do Emma’s wedding hair for her on the big day. It had been Edna, Holly’s mother, who had suggested taking some time out of her diary in the summer for a break from work, so Holly had made sure she’d left some time where she hadn’t booked any weddings in. Holly was grateful she’d listened or she wouldn’t have managed to get to Vegas. Being booked up for weddings seemed to dictate her life. ‘It’s normal to want a faultless day; I think all brides feel like that,’ she told her reassuringly.

As they reached the pool, Emma smiled thinly as she placed her drink on the side of the pool. ‘It has to be perfect. It’s what everyone expects of me. I can’t let them all down.’

Holly looked at Emma oddly and just before she could respond, Emma dunked her body into the water and swam off.

Chapter 2
Holly

Holly didn’t know which way to look as the taxi drove down the strip to the Planet Hollywood Hotel where they were staying. Her eyes darted from one grand hotel to another, the strip shimmering mesmerizingly, promising excitement and entertainment. Holly was fascinated by the bright lights flashing everywhere she looked. There seemed to be so much going on. It was a place for non-stop adventures, exactly like in films and it felt surreal that she was actually there. The taxi pulled into the hotel and Holly was delighted to reach the icy breeze of the air-conditioning again. The heat outside was stifling and Holly could feel sweat at the nape of her neck; there wasn’t even the slightest breeze. She was meeting Emma and the others in a few hours for drinks and she was hoping that Kim would be joining them. Surely she didn’t want to stay in the room for the rest of the day? She knew Kim felt tired and jet-lagged, but they weren’t in Vegas for long and Holly really felt as though they should be making the most of it.

Kim was sitting up in bed in her silky pyjamas watching the large television when Holly walked back into the room.

‘Hey, how you feeling?’ Holly asked her. ‘The pool parties here are incredible. You really should have come along,’ she told her, ‘we’re going to have the best time.’

Kim stretched out lazily on the bed. ‘I haven’t actually been to sleep,’ she said, ‘I’ve just been chilling out and watching a film. Bliss. I can’t remember the last time I actually watched a film without being interrupted by something.’

Holly couldn’t remember the last time she’d watched a film that wasn’t a Disney one. Even when her children were finally asleep she found she was always doing something round the house. Usually tidying up the toy room or catching up on washing. It seemed there was always something that needed doing when you became a parent.

Holly perused the room-service menu. ‘Ooh, let’s order champagne,’ she said, her eyes gleaming as she ran her finger down the menu, ‘to get us in the mood for this evening.’

Kim looked unsure. ‘I’m not sure I’m feeling up to it.’ Her eyes flicked over to the digital clock. ‘It’s two in the morning. in London right now.’

‘So?’ Holly replied ebulliently, ‘when has that ever stopped us before? It’s not like we have the children with us, is it? Emma said we’re all meeting at a bar in Caesars Palace tonight, but that’s not for another hour or so.’

Kim yawned. ‘Oh really? I might give tonight a miss, you know. I’d just like a quiet one to catch up on sleep. That sounds much more appealing than drinking in a bar; I still feel so tired.’

Holly felt a surge of disappointment. She loved her friend with all her heart, but since she’d had children, Kim had really changed. They hadn’t been out in ages and she’d so been looking forward to Vegas and spending quality time with her best friend like they used to. She had hoped that without the children, she’d be the old, fun Kim again, instead of this sensible, unenthusiastic new version. Some days Holly wondered what had happened to Kim. Kim had never been the maternal one out of the two of them. She’d always turned her nose up at the thought of having children, saying that she enjoyed her own life too much to give it up for someone else.

‘I think I’m more of an animal person,’ she’d once said, after they’d been to visit a friend’s baby. ‘I’d much prefer to hold a kitten or puppy than a baby.’

It had been Holly who had been more interested in babies, excited when someone had a newborn she could cuddle and really looking forward to having her own one day. She’d always had lots of younger cousins and had four younger nephews who she doted on. But Kim? Kim hadn’t even planned on having Mylo; it had just happened (a slip-up, she’d said) and then everything had changed. Just like that. It was as though Kim had had a personality transplant, suddenly obsessed with babies and children, wondering how many she could fit in before she hit forty. She suddenly stopped wanting to go out any more. Kim had always been the fun one too. Even since Holly had met Kim at school when they were five, she’d been the mischievous, wild one. The one to get Holly told off for talking in class, encouraging Holly to try her first cigarette and can of cider, and the one to get Holly to stay out until six. even though she had work the next day. Holly would always wake up with a hangover from hell when she went out with Kim, that was a given. There had never been a dull moment with Kim around and that’s why Holly had always loved her. Holly had always been the organized, tidy and sensible one , whereas Kim was much more laid-back, rarely thinking about the consequences of her actions.

Holly adored Kim, they would always be the best of friends, but she couldn’t help but miss the spontaneity she’d had before having children, and she hoped that it was just because it was the first night that she was taking it easy.

‘You sure you won’t come out?’ Holly asked hopefully, already knowing the answer.

Kim flapped her hand in Holly’s direction. ‘No, you go though. Don’t miss out just because of me.’

‘Are you certain you don’t want me to stay in with you?’ Holly offered kindly. She didn’t want to stay in and had already told Emma she would go out, but she knew she should offer like a good friend would. Holly would do anything for her best friend; so if Kim had wanted her to stay in, watch a film and order room service, she would have done. She honestly couldn’t believe that Kim didn’t want to go out and meet the others though.

‘No, I promise it’s fine,’ Kim said, turning to her and smiling. ‘I’ll probably be snoring as soon as my head hits the pillow.’

Holly nodded, shooting Kim a rueful smile.

‘I wonder how Andy will cope with the kids all alone,’ Kim said, her mind clearly still back home. ‘I’ll call him as soon as I wake up tomorrow and check he’s okay. I’m sure he won’t go wrong, seeing as I pretty much left him instructions on every little thing, will he?’

Kim just couldn’t seem to relax and switch off like Holly could.

‘He’ll be fine. Andy’s such a good dad,’ Holly reassured her. ‘I can’t imagine him ever doing anything wrong.’

Kim smiled, but Holly noticed it didn’t quite reach her eyes. Assuming she was tired, she ignored it, and went to have a shower before getting ready to go out.

Chapter 3
Emma

Emma couldn’t believe this was the week she was getting married. She was actually going to be Charlie’s wife. She still felt far too young to be doing something so grown up, despite being thirty-three. It was strange how her body just kept getting older, even though her brain still didn’t feel any different from when she was twenty-one. It was scary and she really wished that time would just slow down.

It had been Emma’s decision to marry in Vegas and as she glanced out of her balcony at the lively strip and the vibrant colours from the hotels, she felt it was the right choice. There was so much to do and see and she knew that all her guests were going to have fun. Everyone had made such a big effort to get all the way there; it was important to Emma that they enjoyed it. It was bright and sunny too, with temperatures in the high thirties; there definitely wasn’t going to be any worry about it raining on her wedding day. Despite being so hot outside, it was never far to escape the heat and cool down in the air-conditioned hotels; it went from one extreme to another.

Emma had never wanted a huge white wedding. She hardly spoke to her parents who had retired and moved to Gran Canaria. She wasn’t particularly surprised when her mother told her on the phone there was no way they could travel all that way due to her father’s arthritis, even for their only daughter. As soon as Emma had got herself a job and been able to afford to rent an apartment, it had seemed like they couldn’t wait to get away and move abroad.

‘The sun will do your father’s joints the world of good,’ Emma recalled her mother saying. ‘You can come visit whenever you want.’

Emma would only see them if she made the effort though; her parents hadn’t once been back to the UK since they moved and Emma couldn’t deny that it hurt. How could they care so little about their only child?

Emma didn’t have a large family that wanted to see her get married. Not that she would have wanted anything fancy anyway. Despite what people thought of her due to her career posting pictures of herself, she actually hated all the attention. When she went to university, she had purposely picked courses where she wouldn’t have to do presentations; the thought of everyone staring at her was enough to make her palms go clammy and her stomach knot with nerves. A quick, low-key wedding was much more her style. Less pressure. She’d only been with Charlie for two years and hadn’t wanted the hassle of planning her big day for months and months on end. Truth be told, the plan was to just get the wedding over with and start trying for a baby. All Emma really longed for was a family of her own. It was strange – she always thought she’d be married with a few children by now. She wasn’t so bothered about the marriage part, but not having children was unthinkable for Emma. Emma adored children and imagined there was no way in the world she would ever leave them and move country, even when they had grown up. Her own mother had left it late in life, having a baby at forty-three, having had a successful career as a solicitor. Her parents were always so serious and strict. Holidays were no fun, she had nobody to swap clothes with and she could never join in when her friends complained about being bossed around by their elder siblings. She would have loved to have been bossed around. She wouldn’t have cared if her sister took her shoes and never gave them back. It would have beat being alone all the time.

Emma wanted to have at least two children and as much as she hated to say it, she did worry slightly that she might have issues getting pregnant if she left it any later. A woman’s fertility was supposed to halve by thirty-five, and that was only a couple of years away. Her friend, Kirsty, had recently had to go through IVF, the reason she wasn’t able to make the wedding, and Emma’s cousin’s wife, Lisa, had also just announced she’d had a second failed round of fertility treatment; it seemed to be coming more and more common for women to get struggle to pregnant. She really hoped it would happen easily for her, although she’d already decided that if it didn’t, she’d love to adopt. There was nothing wrong with it, but she really didn’t want to be a first-time mother in her forties like her mother. She’d always wanted to be a fun, energetic mother. She imagined going cycling in the park with her children. She didn’t want to be one of those mothers who didn’t understand the latest app her children were using. She didn’t want her kids to snigger when she asked them how to do something online. Emma wanted to be young enough to still be a fairly cool parent.

Emma applied some lip gloss and slipped on a sparkly, strappy silver dress. She ran her fingers across the textured fabric of the dress, which moulded perfectly to her slender figure. She was down to a size eight now. If someone had told her three years ago when she was struggling to get into a size eighteen she would be buying a size eight wedding dress, she would have laughed at them. She wasn’t one of those women who pretended she was were happier being larger; she would always have preferred to be slimmer, but the truth was, Emma had just been happy enjoying life and her weight crept up over the years. She loved food. She adored all things bad for her, laden with calories and sugar, and often found herself polishing off a bottle of wine or two after work several times a week. If she wanted to drink a litre bottle of coke, if that was what she’d fancied, she didn’t think twice about it. A couple of chocolate doughnuts after lunch? No problem. She hadn’t been hurting anyone, had she? She couldn’t deny that she’d had low self-esteem and the problem was, when she felt down about herself, she ate to make herself feel better. It had been a vicious cycle. She certainly hadn’t loved her wobbly thighs and flabby tummy, but she always managed to cover herself in loose black trousers for work (she had worked for an accountancy firm in London) and she’d always felt that if she just ignored her size, then it didn’t really matter. It wasn’t as though she had trouble dating; men often said what a lovely face she had, but looking back she realized they rarely mentioned her body. One day, Emma’s trouser button had popped off at work and she had to ask for a safety pin. As she saw her colleague’s Sue’s pitying glance as she handed one over, something came over her. Emma had had enough. She was fed up of constantly being out of breath just walking up the stairs at work. She suddenly felt embarrassed by the fact she seemed to sweat when she’d so much as lifted a finger. She wanted to feel confident in her skin. She went home that night and did a bit of research after Sue insisted she try a weight-loss group that she’d heard about.

‘Barbara Seeley lost three stone on it,’ she’d told her enthusiastically. Emma was also keen to lose a bit of weight for health reasons. You couldn’t listen to the radio or sit in a waiting room without the risks constantly being shoved in your face. Emma didn’t want diabetes, high blood pressure or a stroke. ‘I think it’s a great idea to try it. They do meetings,’ Sue had encouraged. ‘I could lose a bit too, why don’t we try it together?’

Emma had gasped when their scales revealed she was thirteen stone three pounds.

It had taken two years to lose five stone with the help of her weight-loss group and Emma was proud of herself. Everyone was. She was no longer bigger than the women she walked past in the street. She was no longer embarrassed to be seen treating herself to a cake. Losing weight had been the start of a new career, not that she’d known that at the time. After her first month at the weight-loss group, Emma had lost ten pounds and was spurred on further when her name was called out as being achiever of the month. She’d felt a sense of satisfaction. Then after several months she stopped losing as much weight and couldn’t hide her frustration when she’d been eating so well. That was when a red-haired lady, Paula, who also attended the group, had pulled her to one side. Emma had noticed her earlier on, as she was probably the slimmest woman in the group and she’d found herself wondering whether Paula really needed to be there.

‘You’re still going in the right direction, don’t be disheartened,’ she’d beamed encouragingly. ‘Not to put a downer on things, but it does get harder to lose as much weight as when you first started, the longer you diet,’ Paula told her sagely. ‘If you want to really change shape and drop even more dress sizes, join a gym. The gym I go to has a special offer on at the moment. Here, let me give you the number if you’re interested. I have a personal trainer, his name’s Charlie. He’s fantastic.’

Emma hadn’t been too sure about the gym at first. She had assumed it would be full of vain, muscular men looking in the mirrors as they lifted weights and petite women in tiny crop tops. She was more keen on continuing to focus on what she ate. It was all about eating a healthy balance; with her diet plan, she could still eat pretty much whatever she wanted to. Just in moderation. A slice of cake instead of stuffing herself with the whole thing. A glass of juice instead of the entire carton. No food was off limits, but Emma was only allowed a certain amount of calories a day, so she had to choose wisely. She liked the fact she had control over what she ate. She actually enjoyed the discipline and it had suited her down to the ground. That was how she began blogging.

Emma had never really been happy working at the accountancy firm in London. It paid the bills, but she never really enjoyed the job. She always had that Sunday night dread, a twisted, uneasy feeling when she thought about going back to work the next day. Her job simply hadn’t fulfilled her; in fact, it had been nothing but boring and the only thing Emma had liked was socializing with her work colleagues; London nightlife had appealed to her immensely. Emma had always wanted to try something different, but she honestly didn’t know what she wanted to do. She never had. She hadn’t planned to be a lifestyle blogger and she never realized how much money she could make doing something so simple. After losing a stone, Emma had decided to take a before and after photo and post it on her Instagram page. She’d glammed herself up a bit for her after photo, and took the image on her father’s professional Canon camera. It was only a stone she’d lost, but the difference between her before and after looked amazing and she’d even braved it by wearing a bikini in each picture. She just looked so much happier and healthier in the second image and her body was starting to take shape. She remembered taking a deep breath before posting the image. She’d just been on the way to the gym for the first time, the one Suzie had recommended, when she did it, and she’d left her phone in her locker for an hour while she did a yoga class.

Emma had been confused at first when she saw a dozen notifications on her phone, wondering what it was all about. But as she clicked on her Instagram page, she was startled by the huge response she’d had to her post. She’d had one hundred and twenty likes, with so many people complimenting her.

Well done, Em! You look incredible!

Wow! Such great results.

Where is your bikini from Emma? Love the colour on you.

She’d even had a couple of private messages.

Hi Emma. Do you mind telling me what diet you’re doing? one had asked. Do you have any tips for me? another girl had asked.

The messages and huge response had given Emma a buzz of excitement she’d never felt before. She felt important somehow. Special even. She loved the fact that she might actually help people and even inspire them to go on a health kick too. A few days after she’d posted her weight-loss image, she decided to go back to the gym, this time to meet Charlie for a personal training session. The yoga class had given her the boost she needed. Emma had really enjoyed it; no-one was judging her like she thought they would, and everyone had seemed really friendly. There were women of all shapes and sizes there and she decided to overcome her fears and go for a one-on-one session. Emma had still been nervous, especially when she noticed how perfect Charlie looked. But he’d made her feel at ease right away. Charlie was a fantastic trainer and always made Emma feel comfortable, encouraging her to do that extra push-up or extra minute on the treadmill, pushing her just that little bit further than she thought she’d ever be able to go. In between breaks, they spoke about themselves. Charlie was interesting, and he seemed to want to get to know more about her too; he wasn’t someone who just spoke about himself all the time. Emma discovered he was trying to get into fitness modelling, but was working as a personal trainer until he got his break. Emma had started to look forward to their chats; Charlie asked her general things such as what she was doing the weekend, what she did for work etc. It was during one of these chats after having a few sessions with Charlie that she mentioned that she was posting blogs about her journey on Instagram.

‘Oh yeah?’ he asked interestedly, ‘what’s your account name? I’ll follow you too,’ he said.

Emma had felt a little flustered as she told him, knowing he’d be able to see her ‘before’ bikini image, but Charlie had been nothing but supportive and impressed. ‘Wow, you’ve got quite a lot of followers, you know,’ he’d said admirably. ‘You should keep going. Make sure you post something every day. People are clearly interested. Some people make a fortune from Instagram; it’s worth a shot, hey?’

‘It’s hard to believe people really want to follow me,’ Emma said modestly.

‘Why would they not?’ Charlie had asked her. ‘You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself. You’re an attractive girl, Emma, and you’re doing something that shows willpower and determination. I bet there’re loads of girls who follow you that would love to lose weight or just shape up a bit. They want to know how you did it and if you’re encouraging people to live a healthier lifestyle, then good for you. Don’t underestimate yourself.’

Emma had held his penetrating gaze. She felt a surge of encouragement. He was right – why wouldn’t people want to follow her? So she posted another image straight after their session to show people her continuing changing body. She gained extra followers immediately and she couldn’t wait to post something else. It became addictive. She began to take an interest in other successful Instagram accounts. She looked at what they were posting and the type of photos that seemed to attract more followers. Before Emma knew it, she was buying new clothes to suit her slimmer shape and taking selfies. Gradually, her Instagram stopped being just about her weight-loss journey and her everyday life. It had been Charlie’s idea to start tagging brands in her images to get their attention. Emma began to realize it wasn’t the only attention she was getting. Charlie had begun to message her privately on her Instagram account. At first, it was just about training. Helpful tips and some low-fat recipes he’d tried. But not long afterwards, his messages began to get a bit more flirtatious and before Emma knew it, she began to like Charlie as more than just a trainer. It was clear he felt the same too. She’d always thought that someone like him was out of her league.

‘I got a message from a gym-wear company asking if they could send me some outfits for free if I tag them on my page,’ she’d told Charlie on their first date at a restaurant. ‘It all feels so strange receiving things for free.’

‘That’s great,’ he’d said passionately. ‘I’ve got some great ideas how you can get other things too. The more followers you have, the easier it is and you seem to just continue to get more and more.’

‘Really?’ Emma didn’t have any idea where to even start.

‘Of course. I’ll help you if you want? I like you, Emma,’ he told her without hesitation, taking her hand across the table. ‘Ever since I met you, I’ve started to fall for you.’

Emma felt her face suffuse with colour and her heart thump wildly in her chest. ‘I feel the same,’ she replied timidly.

After that first date, they became a couple. Emma would join Charlie on his morning workouts and they would train together. They met after work and spent any free time they had as well as the weekends together. Usually they were training, cooking healthy meals or visiting new places, always taking images for Emma’s Instagram. Charlie created a new email account for her page, and he dealt with any queries when Emma was too busy.

Emma began to earn good money. The first thing she was asked to do was promote a clothing brand. She was given her own code, so her followers could receive a discount and Emma got a percentage every time someone made an order using her code. It had been the easiest way Emma had ever made money, and she decided to treat Charlie to their first holiday together to Bali. It was the least she could do seeing as he’d helped her achieve so much, both with her figure and career. Charlie had taken tons of photos: one of Emma pretending to meditate in front of Mount Agung, a volcano, one of her in front of a waterfall laughing, one of her with her back to the camera by an infinity pool. The responses continued to come flooding in.

Oh my God, I love your dress. Where is it from?

Can I ask what foundation you use?

Where did you get your bag? I need this!

Posting to her Instagram became a daily ritual. Even if Emma was only going for a coffee she’d get a photo, a fake image of her scanning the menu or a sultry pout looking into the distance as she shopped in London. Her inbox was always full of people wanting to know what camera she used or what her favourite highlighter was. It became so crazy that Charlie suggested Emma start an online blog which she linked to her Instagram page. Before she knew it, she had more and more freebies starting to come her way. She was constantly being sent free make-up, clothes and swimwear. So long as she posted about it, companies wanted her to use their products. Emma became obsessed with social media, gaining more followers and likes. Trips away started to become about taking photos, rather than actually enjoying herself and there had been times when Emma had to remind herself why she was doing it. When she became a bit too obsessed with it, Emma gave herself a few days off. Charlie was always enthusiastic to start with, taking selfies of the two of them and suggesting she posted a bit about their relationship to see if they could get any free weekend trips away. Charlie became a part of her account and her followers were always telling Emma how they were the perfect match. Their first freebie was a trip to Paris and Emma had to pinch herself over how well she was doing.

‘Hopefully this is the start of many more,’ Charlie had laughed, clinking champagne classes with her on the Eurostar as Emma filmed it for her latest story.

Despite what people must have thought when they looked on her Instagram page, Emma didn’t want to appear like she was showing off, but she knew that in order to get the brand deals she had to be able to influence others. People had to want to buy her latest outfit, watch or lipstick she was wearing; it was the way she made her money. So she had to make herself look the best she possibly could. Emma just hoped that people would see past her flawless newsfeed, and understand that beneath it all she was just a normal, ordinary girl. She hated people who thought too highly of themselves, which was why she liked to sometimes post before and after images to show how far she had come. Emma hadn’t always been someone to envy or desire; Emma had once been a size eighteen woman, who was very self-conscious and insecure. Despite now being a trim size eight, Emma certainly didn’t love herself and she was very aware of how superficial and shallow social media could be. It was a fabricated world; Emma knew this. She wasn’t completely ignorant.

Emma was brought back to the present when Charlie opened the bathroom door with a towel around his waist. Eyeing her up and down, he narrowed his eyes and his lips curved slightly upwards. ‘You look nice. Trying to impress someone?’

‘Haha, very funny. You’re the only person I need to impress, and you’ve agreed to marry me,’ Emma replied light-heartedly. ‘When you’re dressed do you mind…’

‘Taking a photo of you?’ Charlie interjected abruptly. ‘Of course.’

‘Thanks,’ Emma smiled gratefully. She knew how much her photos had begun to annoy him. What he found so interesting at first, he now found tedious and dull. He didn’t mind as much when it was of the two of them; Charlie seemed to love the limelight, especially if he was sent free things. But it was mainly Emma who was earning good money through her lifestyle blogging, not only through the advertising on her website, but she was now signed up to several apps where she advertised the outfits she was wearing. She was doing better than she ever dreamed of and she was getting fed up with reminding Charlie that she wasn’t just taking photos because she enjoyed it. It was all part of her job and one that he had insisted she did when they’d first met. A job that he used to find fascinating.

Emma stood on the balcony, looking out into the distance of the strip moments later; she knew the lighting was perfect and angled her head in a way she knew would look flattering on camera.

‘Done,’ Charlie said dryly, after a couple of clicks.

‘Do you mind just doing a few more please?’ Emma asked him politely. He knew as well as she did she usually needed lots of images to pick from. She sometimes took over a hundred, just to get that one special shot. Not that she was expecting him to take that many at that present moment. She knew she had no chance from the way he rolled his eyes.

He sighed loudly as he took some more. ‘You may have to stop all this once we’re married you know,’ he stated moodily. ‘I’m not certain I can put up with sharing you with the world forever.’

Emma ignored him and did her best pose.

Emma felt in good spirits an hour later when they met their friends at the bar in their hotel. She shot Holly a huge smile and hugged her as they met.

‘You look lovely. Is Kim too tired?’ she asked, noticing she wasn’t with her.

Holly nodded. ‘All dressed in her pyjamas and ready for bed. I’m sure it’s just for tonight. By tomorrow she’ll be out and enjoying herself, especially seeing as it’s your hen night,’ Holly said enthusiastically, looking around the bar. ‘Wow, this place looks nice and so do you, Em. I love that dress,’ she complimented her. ‘I still cannot believe how much weight you’ve lost – you look incredible!’

‘Thanks,’ Emma replied, feeling a flush of embarrassment yet again. She would never get used to compliments, no matter how hard she tried. ‘I was going to ask if you and Kim wanted to come to look at the flowers with me tomorrow?’

‘We’d love to. Just text us the time and place and we’ll be there.’

‘I will, and don’t worry, I won’t make it too early seeing as we’re drinking tonight. Speaking of which, shall we get some drinks? There’s more people out tonight for you to meet who weren’t at the pool today.’ Her eyes swivelled to Charlie’s cousin, Frankie, who was walking through a crowd of people staring at her. He shot her a smile, and Emma felt glad he was there as she wanted to talk to him about the car he was arranging for their wedding day. Frankie was so helpful like that; he was continuously offering Emma help to take the pressure off as Charlie hadn’t seemed to do much apart from arranging as much free stuff as possible. Emma was grateful for this, of course; it was fantastic that they were in such a lucky, privileged position to be gifted so many things, but it would have been nice if he was interested in helping organize some other things too. Frankie was always asking if there was anything he could do; Charlie was lucky to have such a thoughtful best man. ‘Hi,’ she mouthed to him, as Charlie slapped him hello on the back.