Hell to Heaven

Table of Contents

Title Page

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

Chapter 27

Chapter 28

Chapter 29

Chapter 30

Chapter 31

Chapter 32

Chapter 33

Chapter 34

Glossary

About the Author

Books the Kylie Chan

Copyright

About the Publisher

The Turtle raises its head above the water and watches the glittering coloured lights beneath the blazing stars of the Northern Heavens, wondering why it is there.

The Serpent chokes on the polluted water, drifting to the bottom amid the mud and oil, listening to the many engines moving overhead.

They cry. There is no answer.

CHAPTER 1

I was in my office, trying to ensure a fair allocation of funds from the increased Northern Heavens tax revenue, when the intercom on my desk buzzed.

‘There is someone here for you, ma’am,’ Yi Hao said. ‘She’s very upset and says she needs to see you right now.’

‘Who?’

‘Zara. She says she knows you.’

‘Send her in.’

Yi Hao opened the door and escorted a young Chinese woman in, then left, closing the door behind her. The woman was about twenty-five, with long, snow-white hair and matching brows and lashes, incongruous against her golden skin.

‘Sit, Zara,’ I said, gesturing towards one of the visitors’ chairs. ‘What’s the problem?’

Zara opened her mouth to talk, but didn’t make it very far, instead collapsing into great racking sobs. I went around the desk and put my hands on her shoulders to comfort her, and she leaned into me, still weeping. I pulled a tissue from the box on my desk and handed it to her, and she blew her nose loudly.

The rest of the stones are accusing her of being complicit in Lady Rhonda’s destruction, the stone in my ring said. After what happened to Gold, and the activities of Demon Prince Six, we even suspect our own of treachery. It is a sad situation. The Tiger’s Retainers have been interrogating her, that is why she is distraught.

I sat in the other visitors’ chair and put my arms around her, and she clutched me.

‘Let it out,’ I said. ‘I can wait.’

She continued to yank tissues out of the box, and eventually ran out of steam.

‘My stone told me what you’re going through,’ I said. ‘It must be very tough. You can stay here as long as you like, Zara, we can look after you.’

‘I am a possession of the Emperor of the West, I must return,’ Zara said in a soft Putonghua accent.

‘If you want to stay here, I can ask him to release you. All I have to do is say the word.’

She looked up at me, her eyes red and her face full of hope. ‘If you could shelter me until this blows over, please, I would appreciate it.’

‘Done,’ I said, then to the stone: ‘Tell the Tiger.’

‘Ma’am,’ the stone said.

Good, take her for a while, see if you can get anything out of the stupid bitch, the Tiger said. We need to find the real Rhonda! My wife is out there somewhere and that stone doesn’t know anything, she’s fucking useless.

You made sure yourself that she was the real Rhonda, I reminded the Tiger via the stone.

No! the Tiger said. Not possible!

Tell the Tiger what Kwan Yin said to me, I said to the stone.

… The Lady said that Rhonda was a victim of her heritage, same as Lady Emma is, Lord Bai, the stone said. That wasn’t a demon copy of your lovely lady. It was really her. Please, sir, talk to Kwan Yin.

Fuck, the Tiger said, and went quiet.

I turned back to Zara. ‘I have the word of Kwan Yin that it was the real Lady Rhonda that was destroyed by the Elixir of Immortality,’ I said. ‘I didn’t realise anyone was giving you trouble about this, Zara; if I had known I would have told them.’

Zara let out a huge, shivering sigh. ‘I thank you, my Lady. You have saved my honour.’

‘Will you stay here with us?’

She glanced up at me. ‘May I switch off for a while in a corner somewhere?’

I nodded. ‘If that is what you wish.’

Zara addressed the stone in my ring. ‘Jade Building Block, will you tell the others what Kwan Yin said?’

‘I already have; it should be filtering back to you through the network already,’ the stone said.

She dropped her head. ‘I have been disconnected from the network for the last three days.’

The stone was silent for a moment, then: ‘Reconnect, dear one, hear what they have to say.’

Zara concentrated for a moment and her face cleared, then she collapsed weeping again.

The stone in my ring took human form and stood behind her, his hand on her shoulder. ‘Come to the armoury with me, Zara. The section for the Celestial Weapons is completely soundproofed and just what you need.’

She nodded and rose, then bowed her head to me. ‘Thank you, Lady Emma, my honour is yours.’ She went out with the stone, who nodded to me as he closed the door behind them.

I turned back to my computer just as a body landed on the floor with an almighty thump. I jumped up and peered over the desk, then relaxed; it was Leo, prone on the floor. He floated into the air, came upright, then sat in the chair across from me and collapsed over my desk.

‘Keep trying, you’ll have it soon,’ I said.

‘That’s what Meredith keeps saying,’ he said, his voice muffled by the desk. He pulled himself upright. ‘I thought I’d have it first time! I’ve spent enough goddamn time in here gossiping with you — I should have the image straight in my head.’

I waved one hand at him and turned back to the computer. ‘Just make less of a noise when you hit the floor, okay? I’m trying to get some work done here.’

‘Humph,’ he said, and disappeared with a rush of air that rustled my papers.

‘And less of a tornado when you leave,’ I said.

I’m working on it, he said.

Without the stone, I couldn’t respond. I pressed the intercom button for Yi Hao.

‘Yes, ma’am?’

‘Pass on my congratulations to Lord Leo, please, he just learned telepathy.’

‘Oh, ma’am, that is good news. I will do it right away.’

Really? You heard me?

I pressed the button again.

‘Ma’am?’

‘Please tell Leo: Yes. And tell him that I don’t have my stone on me right now, so I can’t talk back to him.’

Can’t talk back to me, eh? Let me have a think about all the things I could say to you while I have you like this.

‘Bastard,’ I said under my breath as I returned to my work.

I heard that.

Later that day, Leo dropped me off for my lunch meeting at the Mandarin Hotel with the planet Venus, the Jade Emperor’s emissary. He pulled up across the road from the Landmark in Central, blatantly illegally using the Pedder Street informal lay-by outside the Pedder Building. I hopped out and walked up to the corner to cross the road, pulling my scruffy silk jacket closer around me; the late winter wind off the harbour was cold. Every shopfront in this area housed a famous designer label and the window displays struggled to outdo each other in artistic extravagance. Some of them didn’t even show the products on sale; instead they focused on the ‘lifestyle’ they represented. Leo had been hounding me to go shopping with him along this strip to replace what he called my ‘gruesome’ wardrobe, but I’d managed to avoid it.

I entered the Landmark and took the escalators up to the pedestrian overpass across Queen’s Road into Alexandra House, an unremarkable office building with a plain, tiled lobby full of people like me who were just passing through. I walked across another enclosed pedestrian bridge over Ice House Street to the Prince’s Building, which was all shiny white tiles, glittering glass and jewellery shops displaying gemstones the size of pigeon eggs. Stern-looking Sikh security guards armed with sawn-off shotguns stood at the doors.

I passed a couple of tailor’s shops and took another pedestrian overpass to the Mandarin Hotel. A huge crystal chandelier adorned the staircase that swept from the ground-floor lobby up to the second floor. The Mandarin’s coffee shop had been on the ground floor, with large windows looking out onto the street and providing a fascinating view of life in Central — the immaculately dressed tai-tais on their way to their daily salon visit, the couriers riding their heavy Chinese-made bicycles with full-sized gas bottles in the front basket, usually wearing nothing but a pair of filthy shorts and a grimy towel around their necks. Recently, however, the coffee shop had been moved up to the mezzanine floor and renamed something that sounded more upmarket — and was therefore unpronounceable. The cheesecake was the same though, which was why I’d arranged to meet Venus there.

Theoretically I had precedence over him as First Heavenly General (Acting), but it was politically sensible to arrive there first and do him the honour of waiting for him. The waiter guided me to a table next to the window overlooking the street, and went through the tedious rigmarole of spreading my napkin, offering me the over-priced bottled water of the day, filling my huge balloon wine glass with chilled water from a silver-plated jug, and handing me a menu that was mostly blank paper in an expensive leather folder. Finally he established that I was there to meet someone and left me to wait for Venus.

Venus arrived five minutes later, accompanied by a pair of Retainers who had taken the form of burly Chinese bodyguards. He was in the form of a mid-thirties Chinese, slim and elegant, wearing a tailored grey silk suit, his long hair held in a traditional topknot and flowing to his waist. The waiter escorted him to my table, did the napkin and water thing, then hurried back to the entrance to take the bodyguards to another table nearby. A couple of diners noticed the bodyguards and took surreptitious photos of us with their mobile phones, probably hoping to catch a minor celebrity meeting with his foreign mistress to sell to a gossip magazine. Unfortunately for them, all they would get would be movement-blurred images no matter how still they held the phone.

Venus toasted me with his glass of water: ‘Lady Emma.’ It was a polite alternative to the traditional salute in a modern setting. I nodded and toasted him back, then we checked the menus. The options hadn’t changed much since we were last there so I just folded it and waited for him.

‘Lord Leo wasn’t able to join us?’

‘I asked him to come along, but he said he had some errands to attend to at the bank,’ I said. ‘He’s still establishing his identity, and the bank is giving him trouble about the new accounts.’

‘He doesn’t need to worry about these Earthly issues any more,’ Venus said. ‘Why hasn’t he taken up residence on the Celestial where he belongs?’

‘He says he belongs here with us, his family,’ I said.

Venus nodded his understanding. ‘He is unusual in his swift return to what he was doing before he was Raised. Do you think it has something to do with his Western heritage? Most Chinese are well aware of what lies in store for them should they attain Immortality. Westerners, however, seem to have little idea.’

‘That may have something to do with it,’ I said. ‘What did Meredith do?’

‘I have only recently made Master Liu’s acquaintance, I’m afraid. You should probably ask her. I’d venture a guess that she was assisted by her husband.’

I nodded; that made sense.

‘Leo must start to take his place among us, Lady Emma. He should be at your side when you are undertaking your official duties in the Northern Heavens. He is the Retainer of the First Heavenly General now, not a simple human bodyguard.’

‘Try telling him that,’ I said. ‘And good luck.’

The waiter approached us, ready to take our order, and I opened the menu and pointed. ‘Vegetarian pasta.’

‘Hainan chicken,’ Venus said, and I choked with laughter. He looked at me. ‘What?’

‘Very good,’ the waiter said, and took our menus. ‘Wine?’

‘No, thank you,’ we said together, and the waiter nodded and left.

‘What’s so funny about Hainan chicken?’ Venus said.

‘Do you know what steak frites is?’

‘It’s a restaurant in New York.’

‘No, the dish itself.’

Venus nodded. ‘Steak and chips. Horrible Western meal.’

‘Well, Western restaurants all over the world do steak and chips, from the most down-market greasy-spoon diner to the top five-star hotel restaurant. It’s everywhere, they just make it with less or more expensive ingredients and trimmings.’

‘And this has to do with Hainan chicken how?’ Venus said, then his face cleared. ‘It’s the same, isn’t it. You can go get Hainan chicken from one of those chain cafeterias, or from a noodle shop in Tsim Sha Tsui, or from a top-class hotel like this. It’s the same dish, just with different trimmings.’

‘And everybody orders it!’

‘Well, it’s good,’ Venus said.

‘Not when the chicken’s so underdone that the bones are red,’ I grumbled quietly.

‘Chicken is best underdone, it is tough when overcooked,’ Venus protested. ‘You are with a Celestial, you have no health risk!’ He realised he had been speaking too loudly and dropped his voice, his face alight with mirth. ‘The best chicken is done so that the meat is just cooked and the bones are still raw. It is a shame that in the last ten years or so they have become concerned about things like bird flu and have started cooking the chicken all the way through. Terrible waste.’

Our dishes arrived; mine was a monstrous plate of ribbon pasta with a thick creamy cheese sauce and large pieces of broccoli, carrot and mushroom. Venus’s Hainan chicken was presented on an elegant platter, with one dish holding the gently boiled and cut-up chicken; three small sauce bowls; a bowl of rice that had been steamed in chicken stock; and a bowl of the stock as a soup.

He gestured dismissively towards the meat. ‘See? Overdone. Cooked all the way through. At least they have chilled the skin so that it has become jelly — white chicken.’

‘You do realise that if they roasted the chicken, the skin would become crisp and juicy?’ I said.

‘I have had Western chicken before,’ Venus said. ‘It is good, but different. This,’ he waved his chopsticks over his food, ‘is the way chicken should be done.’

We ate in silence for a while, the waiters occasionally topping up our water glasses. Venus raised his head, his face blank, then returned to his chicken.

‘They’re checking on me,’ he said. ‘I am never left to my own devices for even two seconds.’

‘I know the feeling!’

‘At least you’re not telepathic,’ he said with humour.

‘No, so when they contact me with an emergency, I have to call them back on my mobile, or wake up this goddamn cranky stone.’

‘I resemble that remark,’ the stone said.

‘Isn’t the correct term “resent that remark”?’ Venus said.

‘It’s a lame Western joke,’ the stone said. ‘Emma uses it all the time.’

‘So my Western lameness is rubbing off on you,’ I said. ‘Compounding your Eastern lameness, making you even more lame.’

‘I have never heard anybody speak to a Building Block like that before,’ Venus said with wonder. ‘Or a Heavenly General, for that matter.’

‘Get used to it,’ the stone grumbled. ‘She’s so blunt sometimes I wince.’

‘That’s you rubbing off on me,’ I said.

‘Conceded,’ the stone said.

Venus shook his head over his rice.

We didn’t get down to business until the coffee and cheesecake, but Venus was such a charming companion that I didn’t mind the wait.

‘Generally the news is good,’ he said. ‘The residents of the Northern Heavens have made their feelings known about your solution to the energy problem; you have gained a great deal of political mileage with this one.’

‘It had nothing to do with me,’ I said. ‘It’s the Xuan Wu’s children who have made it happen.’

‘Regardless, you are the one who brought them together,’ Venus said.

‘I’ve established a small team of Celestials to search all the nearby oceans for any other children of the Xuan Wu who may have been enslaved by Six,’ I said. ‘We found one turtle and three snakes. I hope we find them all; but they themselves say that when their father is back, he’ll be able to find them quickly.’

‘That is good news. Any reports on the locations of the other two demons in that group?’

‘I have people in Thailand working together with the Phoenix’s people to search for the Death Mother,’ I said. ‘It appears that both she and the Geek have gone to ground.’

‘The Geek is somewhere in Shenzhen, correct?’

‘Yes.’

‘I don’t know which is worse: the urban jungle of Shenzhen, or the tropical jungle of Thailand.’

‘Exactly.’

‘Anything else major happening that I need to know about?’

‘Not really. Simone is settling nicely into her new school. Leo is learning very quickly; only yesterday he started using telepathy.’

‘Really?’ Venus’s face went slack for a moment, then he snapped back and grinned. ‘He told me he’d come have lunch with us next time, but only if I’m buying and I wear something … to quote him … “really cute”.’

‘Stone, tell Leo that he is such a man-whore,’ I said.

Venus’s eyes went wide.

Oh snap, Leo said. Can you do me a favour and come up to the bank when you’re done there and scare the living daylights out of these assholes for me? I need backup!

Venus obviously heard it too. ‘He did not just ask you to go rescue him?’ he said.

I shrugged. ‘Apparently I do “angry gweipoh” extremely well.’

‘What is that? Angry “foreign grandmother”?’

‘You don’t see them as much any more, but back before the Handover they were everywhere.’

‘The Handover?’

‘Hong Kong to China, in ’97. Anyway, imagine this. You have a wealthy English lady, probably from an old, titled family, who’s always had everything her own way. Back in England, tradesmen came to her house at the snap of her fingers, she paid them very well for the finest-quality work, and was treated like a princess by everybody. She comes here and the quality of the work is slapdash, tradesmen turn up at eleven at night, customer service is sloppy everywhere, and nobody treats her like a princess. After a couple of years of this, she gets angry with the whole thing. The minute anything isn’t exactly as she wants it she throws a huge tantrum to get things moving. Well, that’s what Leo wants me to do for him over at the bank.’

‘Sounds like some of the local women as well,’ Venus said wryly.

‘Yeah, I saw that YouTube of the woman throwing a tantrum at the airport too,’ I said.

We were interrupted by a woman loudly arguing with the waiter about the items on her bill, and shared a smile.

I finished my coffee, caught a waiter’s eye and drew a circle in the air to indicate that I wanted the bill. He nodded and turned away to retrieve it.

‘Nothing else exciting happening?’ I said. ‘Sounds like things are reasonably under control for a change.’

‘The Demon King still tries us, but for some reason his attempts lately have been half-hearted,’ Venus said. ‘Oh! Er Lang.’

I sagged over the table, picked up my fork and drew circles in the remains of my cheesecake with it. ‘Tell me the worst.’

‘He has once again petitioned the Celestial to have you removed from your post, citing lack of competence.’

I shrugged. ‘Situation normal then.’

‘Don’t be concerned, Emma, the Celestial supports your efforts. The recent rejuvenation of the Northern Heavens is a demonstration of your suitability for the role. Remember, if the Kingdom flourishes, it indicates that the sovereign is worthy.’

‘Martin and Yue Gui should be running the place in name as well as reality,’ I said. ‘They do all the work and I’m the one getting the credit; it’s wrong.’

‘That is the way it should be. You are the supreme ruler, and they manage the day-to-day affairs for you. The generals have been freed from the more tedious administrative tasks and can concentrate on defending the Heavens, which is probably why the Demon King has slowed his efforts. It is an excellent result all around.’

‘I’d just like to know which demon it was that gave Yue Gui to me in the first place,’ I said. ‘It could have been Six, hoping to plant a spy, or another demon trying to undermine Six’s efforts by telling us about the nest under Golden Arcade.’

‘I’d say most likely it was either the Death Mother or the Geek, using one of Six’s stone-implanted Shen as a spy and at the same time undermining Six’s own empire. You can ask them yourself when you catch them.’

The waiter brought the bill and I pulled out my wallet to pay.

Venus knew better than to give me grief about the bill. ‘My turn to pay next time.’

I nodded. ‘Remind me before we order so I can get something extremely expensive.’

‘I will,’ he said. After the waiter had left he turned around to his bodyguards and nodded. ‘We’re done.’

One of the bodyguards rose and came to us. He stood fidgeting for a moment, then said, ‘Lady Emma, ma’am, I have heard very much about you from Lord Venus. May I ask you a question?’

‘Sure, go ahead,’ I said.

The waiter came with the folder containing the receipt and my credit card, and I nodded and removed them.

‘Do you give private tuition, ma’am?’ the bodyguard said. ‘My skills are weak with sword, polearm and spear. My broadsword is terrible, and I completely fail at chain staff —’

‘You exaggerate; your martial arts skills are the match of anyone,’ Venus said amiably.

The waiter stared at us.

‘Would you teach me, ma’am?’ the bodyguard said. ‘Could I come down to the Academy and learn from you?’

‘There are plenty of instructors at the Academy who are better than me,’ I said. ‘Venus has my secretary’s number; just give her a call and she’ll arrange something for you.’

The bodyguard fell to one knee and then rose again, to the bemused stares of nearby diners. ‘I would appreciate it if you could spare some of your own time, ma’am.’

‘Let me see what I can work out,’ I said. ‘I really am too busy to take on private students.’

The bodyguard nodded, grinning broadly. ‘Thank you, ma’am!’

‘Did you just ask this gweipoh for private tuition in martial arts?’ the waiter asked the bodyguard in Cantonese.

‘Yes,’ the bodyguard said. ‘She is the best!’

‘I’m not the best, and you know it,’ I said. ‘There are many, many better than me.’

‘Have you been in any famous movies, ma’am?’ the waiter said.

‘Not a single one,’ I said. ‘I’m just a teacher. Nothing special.’

‘A foreign woman who teaches martial arts is something special,’ the waiter said with humour. He bowed to me. ‘My name is Jimmy, ask for me next time you come.’

‘I’ll be sure to,’ I lied.

I rose and Venus did as well, and we shook hands. ‘Lovely to catch up with you, Venus. I’ll have my people arrange something next month; sooner if something major turns up.’

Venus bowed slightly to me. ‘My pleasure, ma’am. You’d better hurry and go rescue poor Leo.’

I picked up my bag. ‘Poor little Leo. Scared of the big bad bank.’