Читать книгу: «Midnight»

2. Josephine

It was sweltering underneath the stage lights. My thick tights clung damply to my legs, and sweat tickled the back of my neck. As I eased carefully into a headstand, balancing on Andre’s shoulders, my sequined costume scraped against my arms.

Once I made it through the routine, the show would be over, and I would be free. I tried to focus, to keep myself in the moment of our performance, but the Circe continued to fade around me … my mind traveled, the crowd blurred …

The Holding Tent emptied quickly after Sebastian’s trial. The benches were abandoned and the space was eerily quiet. Except for one sound – the sound of labored breathing, the sound of someone in pain.

He was still chained to the center support pole, just as he’d been during the kris. I stared at Sebastian in sickened shock. His jeans were ripped in several places with long tears. There were gashes in his arms, covered with his strange, purple-black blood. A deep slash cut across his chest. It had ripped the fabric of his t-shirt away. His jaw was discolored, his gray skin turning an unsettling shade of indigo.

My eyes rose to his face, and his eyes met mine.

I ran across the room.

‘Sebastian!’

‘Josephine,’ he answered. His voice was hoarse. ‘What are you doing here?’

I studied his wounds. ‘Oh, God, what have they done?’

‘I’m fine,’ he said, smiling.

He kept his lips closed, as always. But how could he smile right now? I tried to laugh, but it felt like I was choking. ‘You suck at lying, you know.’ I suddenly remembered the Marksmen. ‘Are they still here?’

‘They’re in the woods,’ he answered. He shifted his body, trying to loosen the chains around his middle. I could see pain flicker behind his silver eyes. ‘What’s going on?’

‘A handful of grotesques near the back gates.’ I looked away, hating to say it out loud, to admit the next bit. ‘And two chimeras.’

Sebastian growled. The sound was inhuman, threatening. But it wasn’t directed at me. It was for himself. I saw the glimmer of sharp teeth as he started to speak. ‘I should’ve—’

I pressed my fingers against his mouth. ‘Don’t go there. I’m the one who told you to leave Anya and Matthias. The Marksmen will deal with them. Even if you had killed those chimeras on the mountain, it wouldn’t have prevented all this from happening.’

I removed my hand, and I saw him swallow back another growl. His eyes, which had taken on a fierce gleam, softened again. I felt a kind of unspoken communication pass between us, wrapping around me like a blanket, familiar and comfortable. We were in this together, no matter what happened next.

Sebastian’s wings suddenly shuddered against the cords, and he winced. He maneuvered his body, trying to find a comfortable position, but the Marksmen had done their job well.

Quentin’s Marksmen.

Anger licked across my stomach as I remembered how nonchalantly Quentin had withheld casting a vote in Sebastian’s verdict – a decision that could’ve set him free. Quentin’s hatred of the shadow world was fierce. I’d once seen it as noble. But after this …

‘They’re wrong about you,’ I said, placing my hand against Sebastian’s neck. I felt him tremble. ‘I should have challenged my father and the kris. I should have forced Quentin to change his decision. You’re innocent.’

‘There’s nothing you could’ve done,’ Sebastian replied, giving me that same, gentle smile that made me feel all kinds of things. ‘Not even your father can go against the ruling, you said so yourself. I don’t know much about your people’s laws, but I saw the power of the council tonight. They’d already made up their minds.’

My shoulders slumped under invisible hands, pushing me down. ‘I know my words wouldn’t have changed anything but, believe me, I’m not done trying. There has to be another way.’

I stared into his eyes, and a powerful, electric silence fell between us. He leaned forward, but the chains prevented him from going very far.

‘Thank you,’ he said softly. ‘For believing me.’

‘I’ve always believed you, Sebastian.’ I raised my hand to his face and pressed my palm gently against his right cheek. His skin was cool to the touch, like a stone plucked from a mountain stream. I felt my heart beat faster as our eyes met. ‘You’re the only one I can believe.’

Applause roared around me. I jerked to the present. My legs wobbled in my pose. The chair Andre was balancing on teetered underneath his feet, but he adjusted so fast, no one in the audience would’ve noticed. But he did. I came out of my handstand. He offered his hands and I dismounted beside him.

‘What’s in your head?’ Andre hissed in my ear. ‘Focus!’

I sprang onto his broad shoulders again for our next pose, the most difficult of our combinations for the routine. His hands wrapped around mine, giving me a cue with one firm squeeze. I pulled myself up again, this time, balancing on one arm. My body quivered. Just a few more seconds. I tried to block out the crowd, the lights, and the pressure. But my mind …

Sebastian …

I said his name like a plea.

Sebastian …

He turned his silver-moon eyes toward me. Guilt, like a massive explosion, struck me from the inside out. I strained to reach him through the bars of the cage. I couldn’t. He was too far. I’d come too late. All I could do was whisper the same phrase, over and over again.

I’m so sorry … I’m so sorry … I’m so …

I over-rotated. Andre’s hand clamped tighter, but I couldn’t straighten. My body wouldn’t obey. I clenched my teeth and willed all my strength into my muscles. My stomach burned as I held on. It was only skill and hours of practice that kept us together. We morphed fluidly into another pose and I managed a smooth dismount without missing a beat. Applause erupted from around the Big Tent.

My cheeks burned as Andre took my hand and we faced the audience. We took our bows and hurried out of the circle as the lights dimmed on the stage space. We slipped behind the curtain separating the Big Tent from the backstage.

‘What was that?’ Andre snapped at me. ‘That’s the worse we’ve ever done that routine.’ We stopped in front of our dressing areas and he looked me over, his close-set eyes scrutinizing me critically. ‘What’s going on? Are you hurt?’

‘No,’ I said, pulling back the separating curtain. I didn’t want to look at him. I just needed him to leave me alone so I could change out of my costume and be finished with the performance for good. ‘I’m fine, Andre. I just had an off-night, that’s all. It’s been a long day.’

‘When is it not a long day around here?’ he said.

‘I know—’

‘It’s about that gargoyle, isn’t it?’

I froze, my hand on the curtain. I saw the judgment written across Andre’s broad face, along with his scathing disbelief. He’d formed his own opinions, just like Quentin – I knew it the second I saw him sitting at the table for the kris. I felt a slow, cold anger seep through my bones, pushing away my guilt and shame.

‘His name’s Sebastian,’ I said.

And I shoved the curtain closed between us.

*

I stripped down as quickly as possible, relieved to put away the sequins and glitter. I’d spent most of my life hiding behind the show glam, disappearing within the elaborate makeup and bright clothes. It gave me a sense of peace. Now, I suddenly felt stifled by it.

The curtain rustled. I finished buttoning my jeans and sat down to pull on my shoes.

‘Come in.’

Francis slipped inside my small dressing room. My brother was dressed all in black, but it was the uniform used by the Circe crew, not the Marksmen. He plopped down in a chair opposite me, giving me a crooked smile, but his eyes were clouded.

‘Are you sure about this, Josie?’

I stood and grabbed my duffel bag, hastily cramming a few outfits inside it, along with items off my dressing table. ‘Yes, I’m sure. It’s the only way. I’ve already worked it out. Claire is going to take over for me for tomorrow’s show. I talked to Father and told him I need a short break, so I can clear my head.’

‘I still can’t believe he’s giving you permission to spend the entire weekend away from the Circe,’ said Francis. ‘It’s totally not like him at all.’

‘Father’s a lot of things, but he’s not heartless.’ I zipped up the duffel bag, then shrugged and looked away. ‘And he knows how much Sebastian—’

Means to me.

I didn’t complete the thought, but I didn’t have to. Francis already knew what I was going to say. He was my twin, after all. His eyes narrowed into a knowing look, and he pursed his lips.

‘You’re taking a big risk, you know. You’re not allowed anywhere near Savannah, you remember that, right? What with you being the secret successor to the Queen and all.’

I almost smiled. ‘It’s kind of hard to forget that.’

‘Okay,’ said Francis. ‘Just checking. As your brother, I feel it’s my obligation to let you know that your plan is both dangerous and ridiculous.’ He crossed his arms over his chest. ‘Which is why I’m behind it, one hundred and ten percent.’

I reached for his hand. ‘Thanks.’

Francis smiled. ‘So, you ready?’

‘Almost.’

I pulled open the top drawer of my makeup table. Inside was the small, leather-bond book Esmeralda Lucian had given me the day before, when Sebastian and I were in her cave home under the bridge. I ran my fingers over the worn cover. Esmeralda, my high school teacher, who I’d only recently discovered was a banished guardian, had instructed me to keep the book safe. So it had to come with me.

I stuffed the book into the back pocket of my jeans and hoisted my bag over my shoulder. ‘Now, I’m ready.’

My brother and I slipped out of the Holding Tent and headed towards the back of the lot, where our vehicles were kept. It was quiet around the Circe. Most everyone had retired to their trailers for the night. My nerves dissipated as we climbed into Francis’ pick-up truck and he steered us out the back gates of the Fairgrounds.

My fingers tingled with nervous anticipation. I’d told Sebastian after the trial that there had to be another way to help him. Earlier this evening, I’d thought that way was with Hugo and the Corsis. But it wasn’t. They’d pushed me out.

Which meant, I was going to have to do this on my own.

We crossed the churning Sutallee River and headed through the woods in the direction of town. Francis stayed uncharacte‌ristically quiet for most of the ride. We’d never been ones to try and talk the other out of things, but I could tell by the way he gripped the steering wheel that he was wary.

Ten minutes later, we pulled into the front entrance of a well-manicured neighborhood. We passed several houses before turning into the long, winding driveway of a beautiful three-story home. Francis put the transmission in park, and then reached across the cab and wrapped his arms around me.

‘I should go with you,’ he said.

I hugged him back. ‘You know you can’t.’

His voice was muffled against my shoulder. ‘Josie, just be careful, okay? Just get down there and testify, and then come straight home. If you’re not back by Sunday night, Father’s going to be suspicious that something’s up.’

‘I know.’

‘Alright then,’ Francis said suddenly, pushing me away. ‘Stop wasting time. You get Sebastian out of there and bring him home, you hear me? He’s gone through enough crap already.’

I nodded and climbed out of the cab. ‘Bye, France.’

My brother put the truck in reverse, foot still on the brake. He surveyed the large house looming in front of us. ‘And what makes you so sure she’s going to go along with this?’

I couldn’t help smiling. ‘Because it’s Katie.’

*

I pressed the doorbell, but I didn’t have to wait long.

Almost immediately, the door swung open, and Katie Lewis threw her arms around me, squishing the air out of my lungs. ‘Oh my gosh, you’re here!’

‘Hey, Katie,’ I said, breathless. ‘It’s so good to see you.’

She pushed me back, holding onto my arms. ‘Of course it is,’ she said. ‘I should totally be pissed at you right now, though. Don’t think I didn’t know you’ve been in town for weeks.’

Katie herded me inside. I paused, looking around the vast entryway. I never got used to houses this big. The high ceilings, the giant rooms – nothing like our small trailers back at the Circe.

‘I’m really sorry,’ I said, following her through an extensive kitchen and down a hallway. ‘My father wouldn’t let any of us away from the Fairgrounds this trip. Our schedule has been crazy. Plus, I knew you were in New York.’

‘Only for two weeks,’ she said, ushering me into her spacious bedroom. ‘It’s okay, being at my dad’s, but I was so ready to come home. I’m in desperate need of some lake time and a serious tan.’ She shot me a disgusted look. ‘Not all of us were blessed with skin like yours.’

‘Runs in the family,’ I said with a shrug.

‘Speaking of your family, how was the show tonight? I’m totally planning on coming to see you just as soon as I can get everyone together.’

‘It was fine,’ I replied, trying not to think about how I’d nearly botched our last routine. ‘Just a few first-night jitters. I’m sorry to come by so late. The show ran longer than expected.’

Katie laughed. ‘Well, I just got off work, and my Friday night plans involved some major television binge watching, so no worries. I’ve missed you like crazy, by the way. So, how’s your summer been so far? Did you get your graduation certificate? Oh, and how’s Quentin?’

‘He’s fine,’ I replied, feeling suddenly cold. ‘It’s all … fine.’

I looked around Katie’s bedroom. Like everything else in the Lewis home, it was huge. Everything matched perfectly, from the pastel walls, to the puffy bed pillows – even the frames of all the pictures lined across her desk. I picked up a photo of Katie, posing with a group of friends, and standing beside her was …

Sebastian.

I barely recognized him. His skin was a normal shade, his hair dark brown and wavy, flopping across his eyes. Not the luminous silver eyes I’d looked into so many times. They were simply hazel. No darkened lips or sharp teeth. And he was smiling, bright and full, as though he’d been halfway through a laugh when the picture was taken.

The guilt I thought I’d released taunted me again, savage and heavy. Sebastian told me he’d always been a gargoyle, and I had to believe him. But his life seemed so normal before all of this. Before he met me.

Katie took the picture out of my hands. ‘Josie, I’ve been totally patient with you, but I’m about to freaking blow up if you don’t tell me what’s going on.’

I glanced up, startled. ‘What?’

Her eyes narrowed into blue slits. ‘In all the time I’ve known you, you’ve never once spent the night at my house. Like ever. And then, suddenly, you’re asking to come over, like immediately? Something’s up, and you’d better spill.’

Katie plopped on the bed, sending her mound of stuffed animals exploding in all directions. She looked at me expectantly.

I tried smiling, but my face didn’t know what to do. I wondered how Sebastian had managed to keep the truth of what he was from Katie and his friends for so long. Those first months during his change must’ve been horrible. But deep down, I knew he’d kept his secrets the same way I’d kept mine.

He’d lied.

Keeping my family’s Outcast Gypsy roots hidden was something we had to do – it was for our protection; it was how we preserved our heritage. But secrets like ours came at a constant cost. They built a wall between our world and the outside one. But it was a divide I was going to have to tear down.

‘Katie,’ I began hesitantly. ‘I’m not here for a slumber party. I came here because I need your help. But first, there’s a lot I have to tell you.’

‘No problem.’ She leaned forward eagerly. ‘I’m all ears.’

A lifetime and a very long past pulled on me. I respected our Outcast traditions, but I also valued my friendship with Katie – more than I even realized until now.

‘I guess I should start by telling you that I’m a Gypsy.’

‘Well, yeah,’ she replied, staring at me as though I’d told her the sky was blue. ‘I mean, what with your last name and the whole circus thing you’ve got going on. Not to mention the fortune tellers and folky music and stuff.’

‘No, you don’t understand,’ I said. ‘It’s not like that. We’re Roma. The entire Circe troupe. We make up part of the Romany clan, and my father’s the head of it.’ I fiddled with the bracelets on my wrist. ‘It’s not something we tell outsiders. Letting non-Roma into our world isn’t allowed. It’s one of our laws.’

‘Whoa.’ Katie uncrossed her legs and slid off the bed. ‘For real?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Oh my gosh! Actual Gypsies?’

‘Not all my people like using that name, but in my kumpania – in my group – we don’t mind. It’s what we are. Outcast Gypsies.’

‘Outcast from where?’

‘From Europe, from our original clans, two hundred years ago. My ancestors wanted to start a new life in America so we could follow our own ways.’

‘That is so unbelievably cool!’ she exclaimed, practically bouncing in front of me. Her brows lowered suddenly. ‘But wait, if you’re not allowed to go around telling people who you are, then why is your family so open with all the Gypsy stuff at the Circe?’

‘People don’t make the connection between our stage shows and our real life. My father says it’s using an old stereotype to our advantage. The Circe gives us freedom to live like we want and travel where we like, but without anyone knowing who we are.’ I shrugged. ‘It’s not like we’re the first circus to use a theme.’

‘So it’s a gimmick,’ Katie said. ‘You know, it’s kind of like what Sebastian’s brother does with his tattoo shop.’ She stopped abruptly, and I literally saw the wheels click into place behind her eyes. ‘Hang on. Is Hugo a Gypsy, too?’

An unsettling sensation pricked at me. I wasn’t betraying the Corsis, I told myself. I didn’t have a choice. ‘Yeah, he is. Everybody that works there is part of his clan.’

‘No freaking way,’ Katie exclaimed. ‘What about Sebastian? Is he—’

‘Sebastian’s not a Gypsy.’ I glanced away. ‘He’s … something else.’

‘What’s that supposed to mean?’

Conflict pulled inside me, tighter than acrobat robes. This was worse than telling a gadje about my heritage, even if that gadje was Katie. My gaze drifted to the picture Katie had replaced on her desk. The image of his smiling face made my stomach ache. ‘When was the last time you saw Sebastian?’

‘My graduation party. Why?’

‘How did he seem to you?’

Katie huffed. ‘Honestly, I was surprised he even showed up. Something major’s been going on with him, and he’s been totally distant, in a really weird way. I don’t know, I guess it’s the trauma from the accident with his van or something, but whatever it is, Sebastian’s just not the same. I mean, we text sometimes, but he won’t talk to me on the phone, and my party was the first time I’d seen him in weeks. But he was acting all freaked out. And totally paranoid. He wouldn’t even come inside the fence.’

I paused to take a long breath. ‘You’re right Katie, something has been going on with Sebastian the last few months. But it’s not what you think.’

‘If you’re about to tell me he’s on drugs—’

‘No, it’s nothing like that.’

‘Good, ’cause I wouldn’t have believed it anyway. I mean, it’s Sebastian we’re talking about here. In case you haven’t noticed, he’s not really the rebellious type, which is why I always found it so hilarious that he wanted to be a tattoo artist.’ Her eyes widened. ‘Not that they’re rebels, I mean. His brother’s totally cool. They all are. It just never seemed like Sebastian’s thing.’

‘What did you picture him doing after high school?’ I asked. I was stalling, but I couldn’t help it. Talking about him made it feel like he was still here, waiting for me back at the Circe with that soft, apologetic smile of his.

‘Gosh, I don’t know,’ she said. ‘His brother wanted him to go to college.’

‘That would’ve been nice. He deserved that.’

‘Josie.’ Katie crossed to me and gripped my shoulder. ‘You’re talking about him like he’s dead, and it’s starting to freak me out. Is Sebastian okay?’

Her question shook me to attention. Without Katie’s help, I’d never be able to get away from the Circe. I’d be stuck here – trapped, with no way to help the person who mattered most. I still didn’t know how to define my feelings, if there were even words, but one thing I knew for sure: without him, nothing else made sense anymore.

‘He’s in trouble,’ I said quickly. Katie opened her mouth, but I kept going before she could interject. ‘He didn’t do anything wrong, and it’s not his fault, but he’s been sent to Savannah by my people.’

‘Savannah,’ Katie repeated, letting go of my arm. ‘What are you talking about? Is he okay, or isn’t he? You’re not making any sense.’

I felt stupid for thinking I could get away with only telling Katie what she absolutely needed to know. But this wasn’t my secret … it was Sebastian’s. I turned the dandelion pendant between my fingers, pressing the cold glass against my skin. He’d kept this from Katie on purpose. Once I crossed this line, there would be no going back.

‘Katie, there’s something about Sebastian, something that’s happened to him, but I don’t know how to say it without sounding like I’m insane.’

‘Too late for that,’ she replied. ‘So just spit it out.’

I saw the rising irritation in Katie’s eyes, but behind that, the fear. Suddenly, I hated secrets, more than I ever had in my life.

‘There are these creatures,’ I said quickly, before I could change my mind. ‘My people brought them to life a long time ago. He’s one of them. Hugo’s parents brought him here, and he looked normal, but he didn’t know the truth, and when my family came to Sixes, stuff began happening to him, and he’s different now.’

‘Creatures?’ Katie’s mouth quirked. ‘Seriously Jo, you’re making it sound like Sebastian’s not human.’

‘He’s not.’

‘Josephine,’ said Katie, drawing my name out slowly. Her expression turned hard and skeptical, and the tension between us instantly rose. ‘What’s really going on?’

My throat was so dry I couldn’t swallow. It was too late to stop now. This went deeper than just acquiring her help. This was about truth and trust. Katie was Sebastian’s friend.

But she was also mine.

‘Sebastian’s a gargoyle.’

For a moment, I didn’t think Katie had heard me. She just stared, blank-faced. I chewed on my fingernail. I couldn’t remember the last time Katie had been at a loss for words. I saw her jaw clench, and then she stood slowly from the bed.

‘I want every single detail. And you’d better not leave anything out.’

*

I told Katie everything.

Everything that had happened since the day my family had arrived in Sixes last autumn. How Sebastian was my guardian and how we were sealed the moment my pendant, my sclav, and his dandelion tattoo touched – and how we were now connected through that bond.

I’d never said so much about my life to anyone outside the Circe, but now I’d spilled my guts, and there was nothing to do but wait for Katie’s verdict. She paced back and forth across the plush rug in the middle of her room. At last, she stopped and faced me with a heavy, drawn-out sigh.

‘Seriously, Josie, I don’t know what you expect me to believe.’ She shook her head fiercely. ‘I mean, yeah, I remember how weird Sebastian got during the school play, and him getting sick, and then, there was that thing with his hair.’ Katie pulled a face before continuing. ‘And you’re telling me it’s all because he’s some creature from your people’s fairy tales. You get how that sounds, right?’

‘Yes.’

‘Do you, really?’

‘I’m not making this up, Katie.’

‘Okay.’ She walked to her desk and studied the same photo that had held my attention. ‘If he’s really this … shadow creature you say he is, then show me a picture of him.’

‘It’s not something I’d put on my camera roll, Katie. No Gypsy would ever risk exposing the existence of the shadow world, the good or the bad. It’s for gadje protection as well as our own. Besides, Sebastian would never have let me take a picture of him.’ I winced. ‘He hated … hates … the way he looks.’

Katie flopped on the rug. ‘That night at my party, I was talking to Sebastian about his back brace, you know, the one he was wearing because of his car accident.’ She saw my look and frowned. ‘That’s what he told me. Anyway, I tried to look at it, and he jerked away from me, like he was totally scared of me getting close to him. But I swear, I saw something.’

‘What?’

‘I’m not sure.’ She rolled her eyes. ‘Maybe it wasn’t anything.’

‘Katie—’

‘Listen, I’m way ticked off right now,’ she snapped. ‘Okay, so maybe I can forgive you for not telling me because it’s like your people’s rules and everything not to talk about stuff, but why would that idiot not say anything to me?’ Katie’s eyes turned an icy shade. ‘I thought Sebastian and I were friends.’

‘You are,’ I said. ‘But he couldn’t—’

‘Couldn’t tell me he thinks he’s a gargoyle? Yeah, I can see why not.’

‘He doesn’t think he is,’ I said.

She grimaced through a bitter laugh. ‘Yeah, okay.’

‘Katie, I don’t blame you for not believing me.’ I sat beside her. ‘I wouldn’t believe me, either. But I still need your help. Hugo and the Corsis are leaving for Savannah tonight. I have to get there, too. But I don’t have a car. My father only let me leave the Circe because he thinks I’m spending the weekend with you.’

‘So you want me to drive you to Savannah.’

‘It’s four hours away. You could be back before morning. After I testify, I can find my own way home.’ I started to reach for her hand, but held back. ‘Please, Katie. I have to do this.’

She drummed her fingers rapidly against her leg as her gaze went around the room. ‘But I’m … whatever it was you called me.’

‘Gadje.’

‘Yeah, that. I thought you weren’t supposed to associate with us.’

‘It has nothing to do with hanging out with you. It’s about not telling gadje all about us. My father trusts that I will do what I’ve always done – keep my heritage a secret.’

‘Well, you obviously suck at that.’

Katie didn’t smile, but the iciness melted from her eyes.

‘I guess I do,’ I said.

We sat in silence in the middle of Katie’s room, surrounded by stuffed animals. I closed my eyes. Memories immediately sprouted to the surface. The kris, my uncle, Sebastian locked up. If Katie didn’t agree to this, I didn’t know how I was going to make it to Savannah without my father finding out.

A door suddenly squeaked. I opened my eyes to find Katie rummaging in her massive closet. She began tossing clothes into the center of the room and then dragged out a small piece of luggage.

‘What are you doing?’ I asked.

‘Look,’ she said, stopping long enough to glare at me. ‘This does not mean I believe your ridiculous creature story, because I don’t. But if you think Sebastian’s in trouble, then I want to help.’

‘But you don’t have to—’

‘Yes I do. Your father can still think you’re staying with me for the weekend. But I’m not leaving you in Savannah alone, not after everything you’ve just told me. So you’re gonna have to deal with that.’

I really smiled for the first time all night. ‘I’ll help you pack.’