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Chapter 1 – Black Cloud Descending

September 1941

It was a warm September afternoon and the streets of Kiev were crowded. Just like always, a stream of pedestrians engulfed the cobbled Kreshchatyk, effortlessly flowing in and out of the famous Besarabsky Market. But something felt different. No one smiled, no one called out greetings or paused for a leisurely conversation in the shade of chestnut trees that lined the renowned street. On every grim face, in every mute mouth, in the way they moved – a touch faster than usual – were anxiety and unease, as if nothing made sense to the Kievans anymore, not the bombings, nor the fires, nor living in constant fear.

Most stores were padlocked shut and abandoned, and only one remained open on the corner of Taras Shevchenko Boulevard and Vladimirovskaya Street. A queue gradually swelled with people, until they spilled over into the road, blocking the way of the oncoming cars that screeched to a stop, horns blaring and harsh words emanating from their windows. Soon, as is often the case in a line for groceries, a heated argument broke out near the entrance to the store.

‘I’ve been standing here since four this morning, I’m not letting you ahead!’ screamed a red-faced man with dull eyes. He looked angry enough to strike the intruder, a small woman holding an infant.

‘I have a baby. She hasn’t eaten since yesterday,’ the woman pleaded, lifting her little girl for everyone in the queue to see.

‘So what? You are not the only one with a mouth to feed,’ said the angry man.

The woman moved towards the end of the line, while her baby screamed at the top of her lungs.

‘Do we have to listen to this?’ were the parting words from the man.

‘Come over here, my dear,’ said an old woman dressed in a winter coat with a kerchief over her head, despite the mild weather. ‘You can go in front of me if you like.’

‘Why are you letting her ahead? We’ve been waiting for hours,’ complained a matronly lady behind the old woman.

‘And another two minutes won’t make a difference,’ replied the old woman in an I-won’t-hear-any-argument voice. And apart from a few belligerent looks, she didn’t get any.

As the mother thanked the old woman with tears in her eyes, two young girls and a boy approached the store from the direction of the Natural Sciences Museum. They didn’t try to jump the queue but stood quietly at the back, unsmiling and serious, as if they were attending a lecture at a prestigious university.

‘What are we queuing for?’ asked Natasha Smirnova, a tall, dark-haired waif of a girl.

‘Sausage,’ said the old woman.

‘Flour,’ said the woman with the baby.

‘Tomatoes,’ said the matronly lady. But no one seemed to know for a fact, and the line didn’t move, nor did anyone leave the store with bags of sausages, flour or tomatoes.

‘That’s good. Tomatoes will keep,’ said Natasha.

‘They won’t keep,’ replied her companion, a petite redhead with a ponytail and a sulky expression on her face. ‘We’ll have to eat them in a week.’

‘If we pickle them, we can have them all winter.’

‘Winter? This war won’t last till winter,’ said the young mother confidently.

‘You mean, we won’t last till winter,’ murmured the old woman. ‘Not if the Nazis come here.’

‘Haven’t you heard?’ said the old man directly in front of the woman with the baby. ‘Chernigov fell last week.’ The old man puffed his chest out, seemingly proud to be the bearer of such important news.

‘What are you talking about?’ exclaimed the old woman. ‘If Chernigov fell, we would have known about it. We would have heard on the radio.’ Others in line had interrupted their conversations and were now listening in, their faces aghast.

‘Believe me, comrades, Chernigov is in German hands,’ said the man, enjoying the attention. ‘I heard it from my cousin, a captain in the Red Army.’

‘My daughter is in Chernigov,’ cried the old woman, wrenching her arms.

The queue fell quiet. Chernigov was only a hundred kilometres from Kiev. If Chernigov fell, was Kiev next?

‘Let’s go home,’ said Natasha dejectedly. ‘We won’t get anything here. The queue is not even moving. Let’s just go home.’ She regretted stopping at the store and overhearing the conversation. Dread like liquid mercury spread inside her, heavy and paralysing.

The three of them made their way through the crowds towards Taras Shevchenko Park, wide-eyed at the commotion around them. Those who weren’t busy queuing for food occupied themselves by looting and robbing. The Red Army had retreated in July, and the government evacuated in August. In the absence of any form of authority, no shop, library, museum or warehouse was safe. Men, women, even children, moved from store to store, laden with sacks and boxes, searching for something valuable, preferably edible, to steal. Outside the entrance to the park, two men carried a piano and a woman struggled with a potted plant and a typewriter. Eventually, she placed the typewriter on the ground and took off with the plant. ‘It’s a palm tree,’ said Natasha, watching the woman with a bemused expression on her face. ‘I wonder what she’s going to do with it. I’d take the typewriter if I were her.’ When she didn’t receive an acknowledgement from the redhead, she added, ‘Lisa, will you look at that?’

‘Who knows what she’ll do?’ replied Lisa, shrugging. ‘Grow bananas? Barricade the door from the invading Germans?’ She chuckled but her eyes remained serious.

When the woman disappeared around the corner, Natasha turned to Lisa. ‘We should get going. If Papa realises we’ve left, we’ll be in so much trouble.’

‘Don’t worry,’ said Lisa. ‘He’s too busy searching his newspapers for news from the front to think about us. He won’t even notice we’re not there.’

Pulling Lisa by the arm, Natasha replied, ‘He’ll notice all right, especially if you don’t get a move on.’ At nineteen, she was only a year older than her sister but she was always the serious one, the more responsible one. Sometimes she admired Lisa’s impulsive character, but not today. Not on the day when the Nazis were perilously close and their father was going to kill them.

Lisa turned her back on her sister, her long red hair swinging out to whip Natasha across the face. ‘Alexei, are you coming?’ Her voice was too loud for the muted street, and several passers-by glared in her direction.

Alexei Antonov, a blond, broad-shouldered boy, had stopped at what seemed like the only market stall in Kiev that was still standing. The stall boasted a great selection of combat knives, and Alexei was in deep conversation with the owner.

‘Alexei!’ Lisa called again. Her voice quivered.

Alexei handed the stall owner some money and pocketed a knife. ‘Wait up!’ he cried, breaking into a run.

‘Dillydallying as always,’ said Lisa, her plump lips pursed together in a pout. ‘Keep this up, and we’ll leave you here.’

‘Nagging already? And we’re not even married yet.’ Pecking Lisa on the cheek, Alexei adjusted his glasses, his face a picture of mock suffering and distress.

‘Get used to it,’ said Lisa, pinching the soft skin above his elbow. He attempted a frown but failed, smiling into Lisa’s freckled face.

They paused in the middle of the road and kissed deeply. A van swerved around them. The two lovers didn’t move. They barely looked up.

‘And this is why I walk five metres behind you. It’s too embarrassing.’ Natasha stared at the ground, her face flaming. Wishing she could run home but not wanting to abandon Lisa and Alexei in the middle of the street, she was practically jogging on the spot. ‘You heard Papa this morning. Under no circumstances were we to leave the house.’

‘We had to leave the house,’ said Lisa. ‘You know we did. It was a question of life and death.’

Natasha raised her eyebrows. ‘A wedding dress fitting is a question of life and death?’

Lisa nodded. ‘Not just any fitting. The final fitting.’

‘The final fitting,’ mimicked Alexei, rolling his eyes. ‘I had to wait for you for an hour! An hour in the dark corridor.’

Lisa pulled away from him. ‘You know you can’t see me in my wedding dress before the wedding. It’s bad luck.’ She whispered the last two words as if the mere mention of bad luck was enough somehow to summon it.

‘It’s bad luck to be outside at a time like this,’ murmured Natasha.

Lisa said, ‘Don’t worry. The streets are perfectly safe. And Papa will understand.’

‘I doubt it. Just yesterday he said you were too young to marry.’

Lisa laughed as if it was the most preposterous thing she had ever heard. ‘And I reminded him that Mama was younger than me when they got married. And Grandma was only sixteen when she married Grandpa. When Mama was pregnant with Stanislav, she was the same age as you.’

Exasperated, Natasha shook her head.

Lisa continued, ‘Did you hear the dressmaker? Apparently, I have the perfect figure. Mind you, I still have time to lose a few pounds before the big day.’

Alexei ran his hands over her tiny frame. ‘Don’t lose a few pounds, Lisa. There won’t be any of you left to marry.’

His words were interrupted by a distant rumble. Half a city away, the horizon lit up in red and yellow.

An explosion followed.

And another.

And another.

For a few breathtaking seconds, the ground vibrated. Somewhere in the distance, machine guns barked and people shouted. And then, as if nothing had happened, all was quiet again. On the outskirts of town, fires smouldered and smoke rose in a gloomy mist.

‘Don’t be scared,’ said Alexei, pulling Lisa tightly to his side. ‘There won’t be much bombing today.’

‘How do you know?’ demanded Natasha.

‘Just something I’ve heard. The Nazis don’t want to destroy our city. They’re saving it.’

‘Saving it for what?’ Lisa wanted to know.

‘For themselves, silly,’ said Natasha.

Lisa gasped and didn’t reply. Natasha could tell her sister was scared because she no longer dawdled. Racing one another, they turned onto Taras Shevchenko Boulevard. It was sunny and warm, as if summer had decided to stay a little bit longer and wait – for what? The Nazis in the Soviet Union? The daily bombing? The sheer joy of nature in late bloom and its unrestrained abundance seemed out of place in the face of the German invasion. The blue skies, the whites and reds of the flowers, contrasted sharply with distant gunfire and burning buildings.

Posters adorned every wall, most of them depicting a comical figure of Hitler, his body twisted into a shape of a swastika. We will kick Hitler back all the way to Germany, the posters declared. On every corner, loudspeakers yelled out Soviet propaganda and occasional news from the front. Natasha wished the news were as optimistic as the posters, but it was rarely the case.

As she tried to keep up with her sister and Alexei, Natasha thought of the first time the bombs had fallen on Kiev, on Sunday 22^nd June. She thought of the shock and the fear and the disbelief. Nearly three months on, they had become accustomed to the shelling, to the regular din of machine-gun fire, like a soundtrack to their daily lives. With dismay, she realised it had almost become normal. The realisation scared her more than the Nazi planes drifting overhead. She didn’t want to accept the unacceptable, to get used to the unthinkable. But she knew she wasn’t the only one feeling this way because there were more and more people on the streets during the bombings. Yes, they made an effort to walk closer to the buildings to avoid being hit, but they no longer slowed down, or sought shelter, or interrupted their quest for food. Even now, as explosions sounded, the queue outside the shop didn’t disperse. As if nothing was happening, people continued to wait for their bread and their sausages and their flour, for all the things they needed to survive and stave off the war. What was happening to their city now, what had happened three months ago when Hitler attacked the Soviet Union, seemed like a nightmare that would never end. Natasha felt as if at any moment she would wake up only to find the streets of Kiev peaceful and quiet.

Since the day her city was first bombed in June, Natasha had waited impatiently to wake up.

In Taras Shevchenko Park, the ground was littered with shells that had once carried death but now lay peacefully at their feet. Natasha could feel their sharp edges through the soles of her boots. One of her favourite places in Kiev, the park was unrecognisable. Anywhere not covered by pavement was excavated. In the last three months, it had transformed into what seemed like the habitat of a giant mole, full of holes and burrows. All the trenches that the Kievans had dug, all the barricades they had built, enthusiastically at the end of June, habitually in July and sporadically in August, now stood empty and abandoned. How meaningless it all seemed, how futile.

Uncertainly Lisa muttered, ‘The Germans aren’t coming here. Haven’t you heard the radio?’ Like clockwork every few hours, the radio and the loudspeakers outside screeched, ‘Kiev was, is and will be Soviet.’

How ironic, thought Natasha. As if anyone believed it now.

‘The Red Army will soon push Hitler back,’ added Lisa.

‘What Red Army?’ muttered Natasha.

Suddenly, on the corner of Lva Tolstogo and Vladimirovskaya, Lisa came to an abrupt halt. Natasha, who was only a couple of steps behind, bumped straight into her sister. ‘What—’ she started saying and then stopped. Her mouth assumed the shape of an astonished ‘O’ but no sound escaped. All she could do was stare. From the direction of the river, hundreds of soldiers in grey were marching towards them.

Wide-eyed, the sisters and Alexei backed into the park and hid behind its tall fence, watching in fear.

The wait was finally over. The enemy were no longer at the gates. Surrounded by crowds of confused men, women and children and accompanied by barking dogs, the enemy were right there, inside their city, their grey uniforms a perfect fit, their green helmets sparkling, their motorbikes roaring, their footsteps echoing in the tranquil autumn air.

*

When they thought it was safe, the girls and Alexei ventured cautiously from behind the fence. The streets that were busy only moments earlier were now deserted. The silence was tense, expectant. And only occasionally, as they walked down Tarasovskaya Street, did Natasha hear loud voices coming from Lva Tolstogo Boulevard. Natasha felt a chill run through her body because they were not Russian voices but German. The unfamiliar sounds spoken so assertively on the streets of Kiev seemed to defy the natural order of things.

At the entrance to their building, Alexei tried to say goodbye but Lisa grabbed his hand. ‘Where do you think you’re going?’

‘Home,’ he said, making a half-hearted attempt to break free.

‘It’s too far. And too dangerous.’ Alexei lived three short tram stops away. Since the tram was no longer running, it was a twenty-minute walk.

‘I’d rather face the Nazis than your father.’

But Lisa was adamant. ‘Don’t go back to an empty house. Come home with us.’

Together the three of them climbed eight flights of stairs to the sisters’ apartment. Natasha dawdled on the stairs, taking forever to find her key. She realised she didn’t want to be the one to give the terrifying news to her family.

‘Girls, is that you? We’re in the kitchen.’ Mother’s voice sounded unusually shrill. Natasha took her time removing her shoes, hesitating before walking down the long corridor. Would Mother cry when she heard? And what would Father say when he realised that, despite his specific instructions, they were out when the Germans entered Kiev? A captain in the militia, he ruled the household just like he did his subordinates at work. He was strict, brusque, devoid of emotion, and everyone who came into contact with him was in awe of him. Everyone, that was, except her mother, who with a couple of well-chosen words could defuse even the biggest storm.

It was dim in the kitchen. The radio was playing Tchaikovsky’s Swan Lake, Natasha’s favourite. The familiar chords never failed to make her smile, but today the music was accompanied by German shouts coming from the window, as platoon after platoon of soldiers in grey marched through the city. Lisa hid behind Natasha, all her earlier bravado forgotten. But Father barely glanced in their direction. His face ashen, he was bent over the table, every now and then barking short sentences into the telephone receiver that he cradled with his shoulder. ‘Heavy losses? Southwestern Front destroyed?’

Natasha shivered.

‘We saw—’ Lisa started saying, her eyes wide.

‘Have something to eat,’ said Mother. She looked as if she had just stepped out of bed. Her hands, her long musician’s fingers were fidgeting, picking up cups, wiping the table that was already clean. ‘Alexei, please, come in. Would you like some soup?’

‘We’re not hungry, Mama,’ said Lisa. ‘We saw German soldiers outside.’

Father rose to his feet and, still holding the telephone, started pacing from one wall to the other. It took him three strides to cover the distance between the two walls. His steps resonated ominously in the quietened kitchen. Finally, he reached for a cigarette, even though he already had one in his mouth, and put the phone down.

‘Bad news?’ asked Mother.

Father didn’t seem to hear. ‘They’re finally here. There are thousands of them in the city.’

Lisa nodded. Mother gasped. Alexei collapsed into a chair and said, ‘Thousands?’

‘I hope Stanislav is okay, wherever he is,’ exclaimed Mother. Natasha’s older brother Stanislav had been drafted into the Red Army in June. The family hadn’t heard from him since.

Natasha whispered, ‘What’s going to happen to us? Papa, what are we going to do?’

Father startled as if her words woke him from an unpleasant dream. He narrowed his eyes on Natasha and said, ‘It won’t be for long. We just need to sit tight and wait for the Red Army to come back.’ As usual, his stern voice allowed for no arguments. And only his hands were shaking.

Natasha didn’t know what to think. She didn’t know what to expect. German occupation, what did it mean? She turned to her mother, who was fidgeting in her chair and not looking at Natasha. She turned to her father, who was smoking grimly and not looking at Natasha. She turned to Lisa and Alexei, who were staring out the window in stunned disbelief. Natasha suspected that her sister, who thought she knew everything but knew nothing, and her mother, too afraid to think straight, and even her father, who ruled their family with an iron fist, didn’t have any answers.

The only thing Natasha Smirnova knew for a fact on 19^th September 1941, when Hitler entered Kiev, was that life as she knew it was over.

*

All was quiet in the city at night, and Natasha, who had become accustomed to the distant sound of war, couldn’t sleep. For three months she had dreamt of being able to go to bed and not hear the buzz of the cannonade, and not hear the explosions and the mortars that were getting closer and closer, as if seeking her out. But now, as she lay in bed with her eyes wide open, she didn’t rejoice at the peace in Kiev. She didn’t rejoice because of what this peace signified. The silence meant there was no Red Army, no planes with red stars on their wings and no chance of a Soviet victory. Instead, the enemy troops were finally here. Like an oppressive shadow, Natasha could sense their presence, even here in the safety of her bed. How would they treat the local population? What if right now, while Natasha was asleep, someone marched through the door and – and what? She didn’t know what exactly she was afraid of, but she was afraid all the same. It was an abstract fear of things to come, a fear that pulled on her chest and made her heart ache. From this moment on, Kiev was a city oppressed, occupied and enslaved. And no one she knew and loved was safe.

The clock in the corridor chimed midnight. Natasha, who was sleeping on a small folding bed in her grandparents’ room, could hear Lisa tossing and turning in her bed in the room next door. Natasha got up and crossed the small space that separated the two rooms, peering in. Her eyes were used to the dark and she could make out Lisa’s shape as she curled up in bed. Instantly she felt less lonely, and her heart felt lighter. The weight she was carrying wasn’t hers alone. She had her sister to share it with.

‘Lisa, are you awake?’ she whispered, and her voice came out eerie and unfamiliar. She perched on the edge of her sister’s bed.

‘I am now.’ Lisa didn’t sound scared or uncertain. Just annoyed at being disturbed. ‘What is it, Natasha? It’s late.’

‘What do you think is going to happen to us?’

‘I guess the same thing that’s been happening to us since June.’

‘But now they’re here.’

‘There’s nothing we can do about it. We’ll just have to learn to live with it.’

‘How do we do that, Lisa? How do we learn to live with it?’

‘You heard Papa. It won’t be for long,’ said Lisa. ‘Before we know it, our army will come back and boot the Nazis out.’

‘Yes, but what if they don’t? What if it takes months or even years?’ Natasha shuddered. Years under German occupation? She couldn’t imagine living like this for another day. Although she didn’t know what to expect, her whole being rejected the idea.

‘Let’s take it one day at a time. Don’t think about it now. Think about it tomorrow. Try to get some sleep. Goodnight, Natasha.’

‘Goodnight, Scarlett O’Hara.’

It had always been like this. Natasha would be upset about something, and Lisa would tell her not to worry. Although a year younger, she never showed weakness, never opened up. But this wasn’t another teenage drama. It wasn’t a fight with her best friend Olga or a failed geometry test. It was the end of their life as they knew it.

Back in her own bed, Natasha dozed off, a troubled sleep with dreams of being pursued and lost. When she woke up, it was still dark. She wondered what time it was. What was it that had woken her? Footsteps! There they were again, soft and careful. Petrified, Natasha curled into a ball, trying to make herself smaller, less noticeable. She wished she was invisible, so that no one could find her and nothing could hurt her. And then she thought, Is this it? Is this what my life has become? Is this what I have become, afraid of my own shadow?

Through the paper-thin wall, she heard an urgent whisper. ‘Lisa, wake up!’

‘Alexei! What are you doing here?’ Lisa seemed happier to be woken up by Alexei than she was by Natasha. She sounded honey-sweet. Natasha wondered if their voices would wake their grandparents but no, they continued sleeping, their breathing regular.

‘I can’t sleep,’ said Alexei.

‘I can’t sleep, either.’

‘That folding bed is so uncomfortable. And it’s cold in the kitchen. The window is open.’

‘Have you tried closing it?’

‘No, I thought I’d come here instead.’

‘So sleep here with me. I’ll keep you warm.’

‘Are you sure? What if your father finds out? He’ll kill us both.’ Lisa’s bed creaked once, and then again, as Alexei climbed in.

‘Who’s going to tell him?’ asked Lisa.

‘He’ll come into the kitchen in the morning and find my bed empty. What is he going to think?’

‘You’ll just have to wake up before him, won’t you?’

‘What about Natasha?’

‘She’s a sound sleeper. Besides, she’d never tell on me. She’s my sister.’

There was a moment of silence that lasted far too long. Were they kissing? Natasha felt her cheeks flush in embarrassment. Maybe she could go and sleep in the kitchen on Alexei’s folding bed. But that would mean admitting she had been awake all this time, listening in. And what would Father say if he found Natasha in the kitchen? Alexei and Lisa wouldn’t be the only ones he would kill.

A pitiful sound reached her, like a kitten meowing. Lisa was whimpering softly and blowing her nose. It had been years since Natasha had heard her sister cry.

‘Are you okay?’ asked Alexei. ‘Why are you crying? Do you want anything? What’s wrong?’

‘Everything,’ said Lisa. ‘Everything is wrong. What are we going to do?’

Natasha felt a wave of affection for her sister, who tried to comfort her and give her strength, even though she herself felt weak. Lisa was being so brave, and only now, in front of Alexei, did she show how she really felt. Natasha wanted to hug her sister, hold her in her arms and tell her everything was going to be alright. But Alexei was already doing that.

‘Please, don’t cry,’ he was whispering. ‘The most important thing is that we have each other.’

‘That’s all that matters to me, you know. That we are together. Nothing bad can happen to me while I’m with you. You’ll protect me, won’t you? From everything?’

‘Of course I will.’

His voice cracked, and Natasha knew instantly something was wrong. But Lisa didn’t seem to notice. ‘We’ll get married,’ she was saying, ‘and we’ll start a family. We’ll be so happy.’

‘I have to tell you something,’ said Alexei. All of a sudden, he sounded short of breath, as if he were walking fast up a steep mountain.

‘What?’ she prodded.

‘I’ve been thinking and thinking about it.’ He paused.

‘Tell me.’

‘I might have to go away for a little while.’

He waited for Lisa to reply but she was silent. The clock chimed three in the morning.

‘I can’t stay here and do nothing, Lisa. It’s war. I need to do my bit for our country. I keep hearing rumours about the partisans. I’m going to find them, make my way east, join the Red Army. Before you and I can be together, we need to beat the Nazis. You do understand, don’t you?’

‘No, I don’t understand,’ Lisa sobbed. ‘I don’t understand why you’d want to leave me.’

‘I don’t want to leave you. It’s the last thing I want. But how can we be happy while Hitler is in the Soviet Union? First we fight and then we build a life together. A happy, married life with children and grandchildren.’

‘Grandchildren? Really?’

‘I’m just thinking ahead. I love you, Lisa. I want to grow old with you. I want everything with you. But first, we fight. We can’t take this lying down. We can’t turn the other cheek.’ Alexei’s voice grew louder in the dark. ‘Before we can start our lives together, we fight and we beat this,’ he repeated.

‘If you leave, you’ll never come back. I can feel it! I’ll never see you again.’

‘Of course I’ll come back. How could I stay away?’ said Alexei. ‘How could I stay away from you?’ he added.

‘Don’t go!’ Lisa pleaded. ‘I don’t want you to go. I can’t imagine living without you.’

‘It’s only for a little while.’

‘I can’t imagine living without you even for a little while.’

‘And I couldn’t live with myself if I stayed here and did nothing. Even you wouldn’t respect me if I did.’

‘I just want you here with me. I want you safe. I love you.’

‘And I want to be with you. It’s all I’ve ever wanted. But we can’t be selfish, Lisa. Boys as young as fourteen are running away to enlist. To fight, to make a difference. How will it look if I do nothing? Please, try to understand.’

‘You would walk away from me, say goodbye and leave me in Kiev?’

‘What choice do I have?’

Lisa sobbed and said nothing.

‘Will you wait for me?’ asked Alexei.

‘What choice do I have?’ she replied, and Natasha heard heartbreak in her voice.

‘You could forget about me and marry someone else.’

‘Not if you marry me first.’

‘I’d marry you tomorrow if I could.’

They were silent for a while. Then Lisa said, ‘Do you remember the day we first met?’

‘When you refused to dance with me and pretended you already had a sweetheart? How could I forget?’

‘When you told me I was the most beautiful girl you’d ever seen. And I did dance with you eventually.’

‘Not before you made me beg for it.’

‘See, that’s why I could never marry anyone else. Who would put up with me?’

For a few minutes all Natasha could hear was Lisa’s sobbing and Alexei’s ‘sh-sh-sh’, like he was comforting a child. Then the sheets rustled, and suddenly Lisa was no longer crying. Alexei whispered, ‘Lisa, what are you doing?’

‘What does it look like I’m doing?’

‘Are you sure about this?’

‘Positive.’

‘I thought you wanted to wait till our wedding night?’

‘That was before.’

‘Before what?’

‘Germans in Kiev.’

A minute passed, then another. ‘Are you sure?’ repeated Alexei.

‘We don’t know what will happen to us tomorrow. We don’t know if we have a tomorrow. I’m sure.’

Natasha squeezed her eyes shut and put a pillow over her head. Where was sleep when she needed it? If only she could summon it at will, then she wouldn’t have to think about the grey uniforms flooding the streets of her childhood and she wouldn’t have to hear her sister’s bed creaking-creaking-creaking.