Читать книгу: «Mistletoe Magic», страница 14

Chapter Four

NICK had been only half joking.

Kelly’s was a favourite haunt for hospital staff and one Eden stayed away from. Sure, she’d been there for a couple of birthday celebrations and leaving dos, but generally she avoided it. Too many nurses waiting for too few doctors, there was a certain needy air to it that Eden didn’t ever want to buy into. And her feelings about the place were only confirmed as she walked in with Nick. The crowded bar was filled with hospital personnel popping in after a late shift, but despite the fact it was crowded, despite the fact if Eden had walked in alone, no one would have turned a hair, as Nick walked in behind her, the atmosphere shifted suddenly. There was a buzz of expectation in the air and Eden could have sworn half the women in the place suddenly seemed to suck in their stomachs and flick their hair. Curious glances were being shot in her direction as Nick guided her to a table at the back before going to get them both a drink.

Eden watched as he attempted to make his way to the bar. His name was called from several directions, groups dispersing as everyone suddenly decided that they too needed to go to the bar. Eden wondered for a moment what it would be like to be that beautiful, to have that effect on a crowded room. Could Nick really be blamed for taking his pick?

‘Here.’ Pushing a glass towards her, he smiled as she took a sip, watching her face screw up. ‘Gin and lemon,’ Nick said without apology. ‘I thought you might need it.’

‘If I’d wanted a gin, Nick, I’d have asked for it. I happen to be on an early tomorrow,’ Eden snapped, feeling defensive.

‘I’m not planning on getting you drunk and having my wicked way with you, Eden.’

Unfortunately! Eden gave a weak smile as the thought popped into her head.

‘I’m worried about you.’ As she opened her mouth to argue, Nick overrode her. ‘I was actually worried about you during Ben’s last admission. I spoke to Donna about it.’

‘You spoke to Donna?’ Appalled, she stared back at him. ‘But why?’

‘Because every shift you were looking after Ben.’

‘It’s called continuity of care,’ Eden retorted. ‘It’s far better for Ben if he sees a familiar face.’

‘But is it doing you any good?’ Nick didn’t back down an inch, confronting her angry stare with a firm one of his own. ‘You’re too involved, Eden.’

‘I’m not.’

‘So what were you talking to Lorna about this evening?’ She could feel his eyes on her as she fiddled with her straw, took another sip of her beastly drink and tried to come up with an answer. ‘If you won’t tell me, Eden, I’ll go and speak to her myself tomorrow.’

‘Please, don’t involve Lorna.’ Instantly Eden shook her head.

‘Then tell me.’ Nick said simply, and as her hands shot up to her hair he reached for her wrist. ‘Stop fiddling with that blessed hair-tie, Eden, and tell me what’s going on.’

‘Nothing’s going on,’ Eden said. ‘I haven’t done anything wrong.’

‘I know that,’Nick said softly. ‘Come on, Eden, tell me.’

His hand was still on her wrist. Her other hand fiddled with her straw and suddenly Eden was glad Nick had bought her a gin. She took a sip, feeling the sharp taste on her tongue, the warmth as she swallowed it causing enough of a mental diversion to stop the fresh batch of tears that she simply couldn’t cry here of all places.

‘Last time Ben was here, when we were having trouble placing him again,’ Eden started, screwing her eyes closed, not sure how Nick was going to react, ‘I asked Lorna about the possibility of arranging temporary guardianship for me. I wanted to be able to take Ben out now and then.’ She couldn’t look up, could feel Nick’s hand tighten around her wrist. She could maybe have got away with leaving it there, but she knew Nick was too shrewd to accept half a story, that, no doubt, he’d follow it up and find out the whole truth anyway. Despite her reluctance to tell him, as she tentatively continued, there was also a feeling of relief, an unburdening as she finally told Nick the truth. ‘Lorna wasn’t keen, she gave the same warnings about getting too involved, but when I spoke to her properly, told her that it wasn’t just about Ben, it was something I’d always wanted to do, she was really helpful.’

‘Is it something you’ve always wanted to do?’ Nick checked, and Eden nodded.

‘My mum and dad are respite carers,’ Eden explained. ‘For as long as I can remember, once a fortnight or once a month we’d have some kid staying over, coming to the movies with us, perhaps to give their parents a break or, like Ben, to give them a break from the hospital. So I knew it was possible. Lorna gave me a lot of literature to read and part of it was about becoming a foster-parent. I thought you had to be married or a couple, certainly not a single working mum, but when I looked further into it, I realised that I actually fitted the criteria.’

‘Oh, Eden.’

‘Please, don’t.’ She put up a shaking hand, could hear the worried note in his voice. ‘It isn’t going to happen. If Ben were a normal healthy three-year-old, perhaps I could have managed it, but working shifts and everything, and with Ben’s age and medical conditions, there was no way I could arrange child care while I worked. It was a complete non-starter. Still, I did go through the channels to become a respite carer, but by the time I’d been approved Ben had been allocated foster-parents.’

Her glass was empty now, and she didn’t argue when Nick signalled to the bar staff for another round. She just managed a wry smile that Nick could manage waiter service in a packed bar and was grateful for the relative silence that followed as their drinks were brought over.

It was Eden that broke it.

‘I suppose you’re going to tell me I’m too involved,’

‘I don’t have to, Eden. I’m sure you already know that.’

Eden nodded.

‘We have to maintain a professional distance.’

‘I do,’ she choked. ‘Or I have. I know that we’re not supposed to get too close and in ten years of nursing I never have. Sure, I get upset when a child’s very sick or dies, everyone does, but till now it’s been part of the job, a horrible part perhaps, but I could still see the bigger picture. It’s just with Ben, I don’t feel there’s anyone really pulling for him, there’s no one in his corner, fighting for him.’

‘We all are,’Nick pointed out, but Eden shook her head.

‘All he wanted tonight was a cuddle and, yes, he got one, but only for as long as the ward would allow it. I know that’s just how it is, that as a nurse there’s nothing I can do to change it. It’s just…’

‘Just what?’

‘I adore him,’ Anguished eyes met Nick’s and she watched as he flinched. ‘I’m supposed to feel guilty for even saying it.’

‘You’re crossing the line, Eden.’

‘If I handed my notice in tomorrow and went off to some developing country to work with HIV-infected orphans, everyone would wish me well and tell me I was doing a great thing…’ Nick frowned, clearly having no idea where she was heading. ‘If I handed my notice in tomorrow to become a foster-parent for handicapped children, a few people might scratch their heads but again everyone would wish me well. But if, heaven forbid, I do it back to front, if I actually get attached to a patient who doesn’t have anyone to call his own in the world, suddenly I’m crossing a line, suddenly I’m getting in too deep. We’re supposed to care, but not too much, we’re supposed to get involved in people’s lives and still hold back.’

‘We have to if we’re going to stay sane.’

‘But it’s not a light switch, it’s not something we can just flick on and off at will. We don’t choose the people in our lives who are going to touch us. Sometimes, like it or not, it just happens…’

And something in her voice must have reached him because she felt the fight go out of him. A pensive look came over his face, his eyes softening slightly as he looked over at her.

‘If you look after him, you’re going to get hurt, Eden.’

‘I know.’ A brave smile wobbled on her lips. ‘And if I don’t look after him, if you stop me from being allowed to nurse him, then I’m going to get hurt even more.’

‘Donna needs to know.’

‘No!’ Eden shook her head firmly, but Nick just stared right back.

‘I can guarantee Donna’s felt the same at some time in her career.’

‘I doubt it.’

‘I can guarantee it,’ Nick said. ‘And so have I.’

Her eyes jerked up to him.

‘Lucy Wright, two years old with a cerebral tumour. I was a doing my paed internship and everyone, including my parents, told me it was just because I was young and relatively inexperienced, that it was because it was my first real experience with a terminally ill child, but even though I agreed with them to keep them quiet, the fact is, Lucy was just a great kid. I can still see her smile when I walked on the ward. She was blind,’ Nick added, ‘but she knew, just from my footsteps, that it was me. And, yes, I was young and relatively green and, yes, it was my first real experience with a terminally ill child, but I cried more than I ever have since over losing a patient when she died. Since then, to this day, I haven’t cried that way again. And it wasn’t just because she was two and that she didn’t deserve it and that life wasn’t fair. I cried, quite simply, because it was Lucy.

‘We’ve all been there, Eden. That’s why you need to tell Donna, so she can help you through it.’

‘But Donna!’

‘Yes, Donna,’ Nick said firmly. ‘That’s why she’s the unit manager, Eden. You’ve told me, so surely you can tell her.’

‘Ah but I had two gins and a jukebox playing in the background when I told you.’ Eden smiled, but her heart wasn’t really in it. With Nick it had been easy to open up, but with Donna it would be completely different. Eden just couldn’t imagine telling the austere, immovable woman what was on her mind, let alone her actually understanding.

‘I could talk to her for you,’ Nick offered.

‘You!’ Eden said a touch ungraciously, but Nick just smiled.

‘Yes, me, Eden. I am quite good at that sort of thing in case you haven’t noticed.’

‘Of course I have,’ Eden said, chewing nervously on her bottom lip. ‘If you do talk to her—I mean, if I do agree—you will tell her that I am capable of looking after Ben?’

‘With support,’ Nick said, and finally Eden agreed.

‘With support.’

‘Nick!’ The falsely cheerful tones of Tanya, the orthopaedic intern, caught them both unawares. ‘I haven’t seen you in here for a while.’

‘I’ve been busy,’ Nick responded, barely even bothering to look up, but his distinct lack of enthusiasm did nothing to deter Tanya.

‘I was just going to the bar. Can I get you anything?’

‘Not for me.’ Nick shook his head and drained his glass. ‘We were just leaving.’

‘Really!’ The smile was still in place but Tanya’s eyes were distinctly frosty as she shot a look at Eden. ‘Well, maybe next time, then.’

‘Maybe not,’ Nick said frostily. ‘Come on, Eden.’

‘Nick!’ After the icy blast of the air conditioner the thick warm air was uncomfortable as they stepped outside. Eden could still feel the sting of her own blush as she swung to face him outside, their uncomfortable, rapid, exit from the pub hadn’t been quite quick enough for Eden to miss the glitter of tears in Tanya’s eyes and she was appalled at the way Nick had treated her. ‘That was a bit harsh.’

‘She’ll get over it,’ Nick said casually, and Eden shook her head, scarcely recognising the man who was standing in front of her. But Nick stood his ground. ‘Eden, sometimes you have to be firm.’

‘You don’t have to be rude, though!’

‘Maybe I do,’ Nick said through gritted teeth. ‘Just leave it, Eden.’

So she did, walking in uncomfortable silence along the street towards her home, still reeling from seeing a side to Nick she’d never thought she’d witness.

‘What a difference a day makes,’ Nick said, breaking the silence. ‘This time yesterday you were furious that you had to work at Christmas, and now I bet you’re just a little bit pleased.’

‘A bit,’ Eden admitted, but her mind was still whirling. The pain in Tanya’s eyes had been real.

‘You could have told me earlier you know, Eden,’ Nick said as they arrived at the entrance to the town house she rented with Jim, who was clearly home and taking advantage of Eden’s absence because the windows were practically vibrating to rock music. ‘I mean, not just as a doctor but as a friend.’

‘We haven’t been friends for a long time,’ In the darkness she was somehow able to admit the truth. ‘Not really. Sure, we talk about work and have a joke and that, but since Teaghan died…’

‘It’s been hard, Eden.’

‘I know,’ Eden answered. ‘Well, I don’t know exactly, but I can imagine. But you have to admit, Nick, things have changed. We haven’t really been friends since Tea-ghan’s death.’

‘We were, though.’ She couldn’t see his expression in the darkness, but she could make out his profile, the hollows of his cheekbones as he stared down at her, the flash of his teeth as his mouth moved. ‘We didn’t know each other for very long before Teaghan died, but with some people I guess you just click.

‘I’ve missed you Eden.’

His admission caught her completely unawares. There was a tiny raw note of urgency in his voice that she was too terrified to interpret, too scared of misreading the signs and making the biggest, most embarrassing mistake of her life.

‘I’ve missed you too, Nick,’ Eden answered carefully. ‘And I’m glad that we’re talking again, glad that we’re back to being friends.’

‘Hey, Eden.’ The front door swung open. Jim was standing in a pair of shorts and not much else, apart from a can of beer in hand, the thud-thud of his stereo spilling out onto the street. ‘I was just putting the bins out.’

‘And waking half the street,’ Eden scolded. ‘Since when did you put the bins out? Jim, this is Nick, he works at the hospital, Nick, this is Jim, my resident idle backpacker.’

‘Who always pays his rent on time, though,’ Jim answered cheerfully. ‘Good to meet you, Nick. Fancy a cold one?’

‘Not for me,’ Nick answered, equally cheerfully. ‘’Night, then, Eden.’

‘’Night, Nick.’

There was a beat of a pause, a tiny moment of hesitation, and Eden wondered how to fill it. Suggest a coffee perhaps, say that she’d see him tomorrow…kiss him on the cheek even, just as a friend would, but Jim clattering past with the garbage bin completely broke the moment.

‘I’d better get in,’ Eden said, ‘and turn down the music. I don’t know why, but Jim has the uncanny knack of making me feel like a parent!’

‘Really!’ Despite the darkness she saw Nick’s eyes widen. ‘It seemed like the other way around to me.’

And, walking off, he left her frowning.