No Other Choice

Failed Attempts

As I said earlier, I was not able to kill that piece of garbage. I tried twice and then he tried to kill me twice. Sounds like a love troupe from haters to lovers but it was disgusting in real life. He still lives on this planet. Getting away with everything, wandering somewhere.

The first attempt was two weeks after the incident described above. I simply couldn’t stand his loe to power and control. I’m a free person. I have a job and pay for all our bills, food, clothes, and so on. And you forbid me from wearing pants? How can that happen?

So, let’s cut to the chase. The first attempt was to poison him because he was strong and too big to kill him the way I killed the other members. However, it was still extremely hard to find poison that would not be noticable in his body if he would be examined. I’m not gonna tell you which poison and where I took it for your own safety but it was the most expensive one and the most unreachable one if I can say it.

So, I need to poison him without him noticing the taste or something like that. A fortunate fact for me is that he always takes a big bottle of water when he’s going to sleep and drinks it before, during, and after sleep. That’s why I thought it would be easy.

On September 25th, he was at work really late. Roughly till 2:00 AM, so I pretended to fall asleep. When he came back, he went straight to the bed and fell asleep. I decided to wait for thirty or fourty minutes to let him turn off completely, assuming that he was exhausted at work and would easily fall asleep. Then I measured the poison, so that it wouldn’t be too much or too little. And then I went to the room where he and Steve were sleeping. His bottle of water was lying right next to him. I really quietly entered the room and reached his bed. Gently took his bottle, opened it, and was putting poison there. Here’s where I got problems. Steve woke up and started talking with his normal voice which was really loud for the night and my mission started to ask me questions like What are you doing? What is that in your hands? That was the moment when Ilon woke up and noticed me. He saw what I was doing and grabbed me. He was trying to put that poison in my mouth but I closed it really hard and he couldn’t open it. Steve was looking at this scene and yelling Ilon, Ilon, Ilon, while I was trying to survive. After seven minutes or so he released me.

“I’m gonna kill you when you are truly not noticing it.”

It scared me. It really scared me because after that he made my life even worse. He always tried to do some shit to me. Fun fact: it was a katalizator for my reason to come clean. In jail he won’t bother me, so it was like a bonus.

The second failed time when I wanted to kill him was in one year. I was fourteen trying to kill a grown man who was constantly abusing me. I wanted a better life for myself and you cannot judge me because you have never been in a situation like this. I tried to do what was in my opinion the best for me.

On August 31th I wanted to shoot him in the abandoned area where he comes back from work. Kind of extreme but I was so desperate that I didn't even care if I was going to be caught. So I bought a license and a gun with a fake name and different face (different haircut, color of the hair, contacts of blue eyes, and was dressed like an emo). It went successfully by the way.

I did a tremendous amount of research. I learned his schedule, his friends and co-workers. Their ways towards home. I examined that street and people who usually pass by, so that there would be no witnesses. It was my last chance to kill him. I knew that I wouldn't be able to try one more attempt. As a result, I spent like a month on all that stuff to be prepared for the worst.

That day he also was supposed to finish his work at 2:00 AM. Therefore, I left home with an excuse that I was going on a sleepover to Jane who lived far away from that place. Moreover, I posted a story that I was with her. So the beginning was kind of okay. I reached that place around 1:30 AM, prepared everything and started waiting.

In forty minutes everything went wrong. As I found out later, Ilon knew about all of this. He had connected my phone profile to his phone and was able to watch all the stuff I had on my phone, including search history, notes, social media, photos, and so on. Therefore, he knew every single detail about this attempt. He knew about a gun, fake license, and time when I was supposed to shoot him.

Long story short. I noticed him walking down the street. One, two, three. The bullets were supposed to go through his body and he was supposed to be dead. However, as I pulled the trigger, no bullets were in my gun. I guess it was him who took all of them. The click was really loud, so he heard where I was hiding. He quickly ran away in my direction and I started to run away from him. I have never in my life been more extreme. My whole life was passing by me as I tried to survive that night. I already regret making the decision to kill him. I should have waited when I would leave for college and that would be it. He wouldn’t bother me there.

But let’s come back to the chase. I thought I would be faster than him since I ran every morning, however, he was faster. It was really hard to keep a safe distance with him. No soul was on the street, so no one would help me or him. It was good I guess since I was the one with the gun. In approximately five minutes he caught me and threw me on the ground. He took away my gun and tried to choke me. I hit him in the head with my fist and I got a few seconds to escape. No luck. He started to beat me in the face and abdomen. It was really painful. I, in response, threw sand in him but it made him angrier. As a result, I was woefully beaten up and left there.

It was my last attempt. Lucky me, he did not kill me. I came back home and cried myself to sleep. Still, I wanted revenge, even a little, so I decided to delete all my stuff from his phone and computer, so that he didn’t have kompromat on me. I did it successfully when he was in the shower. He found out about it but the outcomes were great. He hit me only once.

The story with my brother ends here because after that I did not do any bad stuff towards him in order to save my life. Plus, I realized that killing him is not worth sitting in jail.

CHAPTER FOUR: BOSS

That Lovely Man

The only good and truly great person that was in my life is Bob (it's a made-up name, so that my actions won’t hurt him). He is that person who is a genuine human. He acts like a real gentleman. He speaks like a real gentleman. He is kind towards all alive creatures. He is generous towards poor people. He is smart and witty. He is hardworking and affable, agreeable, amiable, charming, polite, considerate, sympathetic, understanding, diplomatic, impartial,sincere, straight-forward, trustworthy, and loyal. He collected all the values of a true person and man. However, maybe he’s not. Maybe I made it all up. I have no idea what to believe in previous and present circumstances. He was that only great person in my life, so maybe I idolize him. But the fact is still the fact that he has never hurt me and was always gentle towards me. He treated me as his own daughter he has never had. He always laughed with me as with his dear wife he lost over seven years ago. He communicated with me as with his friend whom he considered equally smart and important. He completely respected me as he respected his own mother. He carefully listened to me like he was listening to his own father. He was extremely polite towards me as I was a customer in his supermarket.

I want to say sorry for everything I have done. Bob, you always wanted to make me a better person with all the values and manners. I know how much you tried to wean me from cursing. You put so much effort into that. You did a tremendous amount of great things for me. I always wanted to pay you back. And I promise that I will. I hope that you live on the same address, so that I could come to you under my sentence. In addition, I want to apologize that I lied to you and did not tell all the stuff that was going on with me when you asked me to.

I remember being a 12-year-old coming to your supermarket with my absolutely empty resume. It was a rainy day. I was crying because my mother beat me for not earning money. I came to you and was absolutely sure that you would kick me out. I was ready for that. However, I was not ready for your warm greetings. Everyone back then considered me a ragged person. Even I did it. But you showed kindness and I really appreciate it. You gave the job as a cashier and it truly meant a lot to me. Seven employees before your offer said that I was not going to get a job anywhere in that city. They can suck. Thank you a lot.

Also, you were the one who helped me to pay the debts of my dear family. Partially, by offering more shifts or paying from your own pocket. I remember that I still owe you $17,000. I will pay them all.

You were the one who genuinely believed that I would get into college, graduate college, and find a fine job with an above the average salary. Or just average:)

You were the one who would comfort me when something bad was happening with my family. You said all the best words to me. You never let me sleep on the street by offering a shelter in the face of your house. You have a lovely apartment by the way. I’m sure you will find peace and love in your life because you genuinely deserve it. You made my life easier and I have no idea what I would do without you. I know that I otherwise made your life harder. I’m sorry about that. Hope you will forgive me. Thanks for everything. You showed me that there is brightness in the world.

CHAPTER FOUR: FLORENCE

A.K.A. Nothing

Now, let me show you the worst character of this story. My name is Florence Walker. I am currently twenty one years old and I am sitting in prison. The only thing that I will say in my defence and it's an extremely small one is that I came clean willingly. I always wanted to be a great person. However, rage lives in my blood and I was not able to control it. In retrospect, I realize that totally all my actions were wrong. Each one. I’m not a God to decide people’s destiny. I cannot decide when a person’s life ends. It is not how things work. I think my willingness is the only good thing about me.

I came clean with four murders. However, it was evaluated as my own defence. Therefore, they gave most a life sentence but a 15-year-old term. It’s pretty great, isn’t it? Considering how I killed them, why I killed them and that it wasn’t particularly self defense, I got a damn good term. Could’ve been longer.

I started writing this book two months after getting here. Considering the childish level of language, plot, etc, it took me only three months. However, I want to grow, so it’s not my last book. I want to be a writer. Here I’m going to study basics, and then want to get into a college writing program. I will have a good life ahead of me if I do not mess up things here. I’m trying to change some aspects of my character.

I actually for a long time didn’t think that I would survive in the real world as an adult because I always tell what I think and I am kind of extreme in my views. I told my mother plenty of times that it is not right to beat your kids, that it is not okay to force children to take sides. My character always wanted to be the right version and the perfect version of a person. I never wanted to lie. I never wanted to be a fraud. Funny, considering four murders.

I had a quite disgusting life and that’s the reason why I’m the way I am. I do not think I would be a particularly bad person if I was a daughter of Jenifer Eniston.

I was constantly abused by each member of my family in any possible way. My father, mother, sister, two brothers, they used to mock me every single day. They would beat me if I didn't get them enough money. I dropped out of school in order to make more money. I worked since twelve because my parents brought nothing home and I wanted to eat something. I never slept more than seven hours. I had to go to the gym in order to be strong. Four times per week I exercised. That’s the reason why I wasn’t scared of everyone in the family, excluding Ilon. I even had to work as a stripper to make a hella lotta money. And I was able to do that, however, two times of harassment taught me that it was not worth the money, so I quit. I even once had a sweet boyfriend who turned out to be a total wackadoodle and abuser. He constantly beat hell out of me and cheated on me. I was eighteen and stupid back then. Bob, by the way, helped me out of this situation. It was unbearable. Every time I went to bed I wished I hadn’t woken up. I accumulated so many traumas and childhood issues that I can lend you a couple if you want. I guess if I was examined by a psychologist or psychiatrist, I would be diagnosed with all kinds of disorders.

I did a lot of bad stuff to those people as well. I guess we were worth one another. However, they did not dare to kill anyone.

My story is quite amusing, isn’t it? Some people will find it interesting, some people will find it disgusting. I agree with the latter. I was a disgusting person and I still am. However, I want to give myself a second chance. I usually do not believe that people can change but I’m not ready to give up on my life. I’m still young and have a life ahead of me. It worth a shot. I feel good right now, so I just want you to know that everyone deserves a second chance. Or at least I want to believe so.

Now, let me show you the worst character of this story. My name is Florence Walker. I am currently twenty one years old and I am sitting in prison. The only thing that I will say in my defence and it's an extremely small one is that I came clean willingly. I always wanted to be a great person. However, rage lives in my blood and I was not able to control it. In retrospect, I realize that totally all my actions were wrong. Each one. I’m not a God to decide people’s destiny. I cannot decide when a person’s life ends. It is not how things work. I think my willingness is the only good thing about me.

I came clean with four murders. However, it was evaluated as my own defence. Therefore, they gave most a life sentence but a 15-year-old term. It’s pretty great, isn’t it? Considering how I killed them, why I killed them and that it wasn’t particularly self defense, I got a damn good term. Could’ve been longer.

I started writing this book two months after getting here. Considering the childish level of language, plot, etc, it took me only three months. However, I want to grow, so it’s not my last book. I want to be a writer. Here I’m going to study basics, and then want to get into a college writing program. I will have a good life ahead of me if I do not mess up things here. I’m trying to change some aspects of my character.

I actually for a long time didn’t think that I would survive in the real world as an adult because I always tell what I think and I am kind of extreme in my views. I told my mother plenty of times that it is not right to beat your kids, that it is not okay to force children to take sides. My character always wanted to be the right version and the perfect version of a person. I never wanted to lie. I never wanted to be a fraud. Funny, considering four murders.

I had a quite disgusting life and that’s the reason why I’m the way I am. I do not think I would be a particularly bad person if I was a daughter of Jenifer Eniston.

I was constantly abused by each member of my family in any possible way. My father, mother, sister, two brothers, they used to mock me every single day. They would beat me if I didn't get them enough money. I dropped out of school in order to make more money. I worked since twelve because my parents brought nothing home and I wanted to eat something. I never slept more than seven hours. I had to go to the gym in order to be strong. Four times per week I exercised. That’s the reason why I wasn’t scared of everyone in the family, excluding Ilon. I even had to work as a stripper to make a hella lotta money. And I was able to do that, however, two times of harassment taught me that it was not worth the money, so I quit. I even once had a sweet boyfriend who turned out to be a total wackadoodle and abuser. He constantly beat hell out of me and cheated on me. I was eighteen and stupid back then. Bob, by the way, helped me out of this situation. It was unbearable. Every time I went to bed I wished I hadn’t woken up. I accumulated so many traumas and childhood issues that I can lend you a couple if you want. I guess if I was examined by a psychologist or psychiatrist, I would be diagnosed with all kinds of disorders.

I did a lot of bad stuff to those people as well. I guess we were worth one another. However, they did not dare to kill anyone.

My story is quite amusing, isn’t it? Some people will find it interesting, some people will find it disgusting. I agree with the latter. I was a disgusting person and I still am. However, I want to give myself a second chance. I usually do not believe that people can change but I’m not ready to give up on my life. I’m still young and have a life ahead of me. It worth a shot. I feel good right now, so I just want you to know that everyone deserves a second chance. Or at least I want to believe so. Now, let me show you the worst character of this story. My name is Florence Walker. I am currently twenty one years old and I am sitting in prison. The only thing that I will say in my defence and it's an extremely small one is that I came clean willingly. I always wanted to be a great person. However, rage lives in my blood and I was not able to control it. In retrospect, I realize that totally all my actions were wrong. Each one. I’m not a God to decide people’s destiny. I cannot decide when a person’s life ends. It is not how things work. I think my willingness is the only good thing about me.

I came clean with four murders. However, it was evaluated as my own defence. Therefore, they gave most a life sentence but a 15-year-old term. It’s pretty great, isn’t it? Considering how I killed them, why I killed them and that it wasn’t particularly self defense, I got a damn good term. Could’ve been longer.

I started writing this book two months after getting here. Considering the childish level of language, plot, etc, it took me only three months. However, I want to grow, so it’s not my last book. I want to be a writer. Here I’m going to study basics, and then want to get into a college writing program. I will have a good life ahead of me if I do not mess up things here. I’m trying to change some aspects of my character.

I actually for a long time didn’t think that I would survive in the real world as an adult because I always tell what I think and I am kind of extreme in my views. I told my mother plenty of times that it is not right to beat your kids, that it is not okay to force children to take sides. My character always wanted to be the right version and the perfect version of a person. I never wanted to lie. I never wanted to be a fraud. Funny, considering four murders.

I had a quite disgusting life and that’s the reason why I’m the way I am. I do not think I would be a particularly bad person if I was a daughter of Jenifer Eniston.

I was constantly abused by each member of my family in any possible way. My father, mother, sister, two brothers, they used to mock me every single day. They would beat me if I didn't get them enough money. I dropped out of school in order to make more money. I worked since twelve because my parents brought nothing home and I wanted to eat something. I never slept more than seven hours. I had to go to the gym in order to be strong. Four times per week I exercised. That’s the reason why I wasn’t scared of everyone in the family, excluding Ilon. I even had to work as a stripper to make a hella lotta money. And I was able to do that, however, two times of harassment taught me that it was not worth the money, so I quit. I even once had a sweet boyfriend who turned out to be a total wackadoodle and abuser. He constantly beat hell out of me and cheated on me. I was eighteen and stupid back then. Bob, by the way, helped me out of this situation. It was unbearable. Every time I went to bed I wished I hadn’t woken up. I accumulated so many traumas and childhood issues that I can lend you a couple if you want. I guess if I was examined by a psychologist or psychiatrist, I would be diagnosed with all kinds of disorders.

I did a lot of bad stuff to those people as well. I guess we were worth one another. However, they did not dare to kill anyone.

My story is quite amusing, isn’t it? Some people will find it interesting, some people will find it disgusting. I agree with the latter. I was a disgusting person and I still am. However, I want to give myself a second chance. I usually do not believe that people can change but I’m not ready to give up on my life. I’m still young and have a life ahead of me. It worth a shot. I feel good right now, so I just want you to know that everyone deserves a second chance. Or at least I want to believe so. Now, let me show you the worst character of this story. My name is Florence Walker. I am currently twenty one years old and I am sitting in prison. The only thing that I will say in my defence and it's an extremely small one is that I came clean willingly. I always wanted to be a great person. However, rage lives in my blood and I was not able to control it. In retrospect, I realize that totally all my actions were wrong. Each one. I’m not a God to decide people’s destiny. I cannot decide when a person’s life ends. It is not how things work. I think my willingness is the only good thing about me.

I came clean with four murders. However, it was evaluated as my own defence. Therefore, they gave most a life sentence but a 15-year-old term. It’s pretty great, isn’t it? Considering how I killed them, why I killed them and that it wasn’t particularly self defense, I got a damn good term. Could’ve been longer.

I started writing this book two months after getting here. Considering the childish level of language, plot, etc, it took me only three months. However, I want to grow, so it’s not my last book. I want to be a writer. Here I’m going to study basics, and then want to get into a college writing program. I will have a good life ahead of me if I do not mess up things here. I’m trying to change some aspects of my character.

I actually for a long time didn’t think that I would survive in the real world as an adult because I always tell what I think and I am kind of extreme in my views. I told my mother plenty of times that it is not right to beat your kids, that it is not okay to force children to take sides. My character always wanted to be the right version and the perfect version of a person. I never wanted to lie. I never wanted to be a fraud. Funny, considering four murders.

I had a quite disgusting life and that’s the reason why I’m the way I am. I do not think I would be a particularly bad person if I was a daughter of Jenifer Eniston.

I was constantly abused by each member of my family in any possible way. My father, mother, sister, two brothers, they used to mock me every single day. They would beat me if I didn't get them enough money. I dropped out of school in order to make more money. I worked since twelve because my parents brought nothing home and I wanted to eat something. I never slept more than seven hours. I had to go to the gym in order to be strong. Four times per week I exercised. That’s the reason why I wasn’t scared of everyone in the family, excluding Ilon. I even had to work as a stripper to make a hella lotta money. And I was able to do that, however, two times of harassment taught me that it was not worth the money, so I quit. I even once had a sweet boyfriend who turned out to be a total wackadoodle and abuser. He constantly beat hell out of me and cheated on me. I was eighteen and stupid back then. Bob, by the way, helped me out of this situation. It was unbearable. Every time I went to bed I wished I hadn’t woken up. I accumulated so many traumas and childhood issues that I can lend you a couple if you want. I guess if I was examined by a psychologist or psychiatrist, I would be diagnosed with all kinds of disorders.

I did a lot of bad stuff to those people as well. I guess we were worth one another. However, they did not dare to kill anyone.

My story is quite amusing, isn’t it? Some people will find it interesting, some people will find it disgusting. I agree with the latter. I was a disgusting person and I still am. However, I want to give myself a second chance. I usually do not believe that people can change but I’m not ready to give up on my life. I’m still young and have a life ahead of me. It worth a shot. I feel good right now, so I just want you to know that everyone deserves a second chance. Or at least I want to believe so. Now, let me show you the worst character of this story. My name is Florence Walker. I am currently twenty one years old and I am sitting in prison. The only thing that I will say in my defence and it's an extremely small one is that I came clean willingly. I always wanted to be a great person. However, rage lives in my blood and I was not able to control it. In retrospect, I realize that totally all my actions were wrong. Each one. I’m not a God to decide people’s destiny. I cannot decide when a person’s life ends. It is not how things work. I think my willingness is the only good thing about me.

I came clean with four murders. However, it was evaluated as my own defence. Therefore, they gave most a life sentence but a 15-year-old term. It’s pretty great, isn’t it? Considering how I killed them, why I killed them and that it wasn’t particularly self defense, I got a damn good term. Could’ve been longer.

I started writing this book two months after getting here. Considering the childish level of language, plot, etc, it took me only three months. However, I want to grow, so it’s not my last book. I want to be a writer. Here I’m going to study basics, and then want to get into a college writing program. I will have a good life ahead of me if I do not mess up things here. I’m trying to change some aspects of my character.

I actually for a long time didn’t think that I would survive in the real world as an adult because I always tell what I think and I am kind of extreme in my views. I told my mother plenty of times that it is not right to beat your kids, that it is not okay to force children to take sides. My character always wanted to be the right version and the perfect version of a person. I never wanted to lie. I never wanted to be a fraud. Funny, considering four murders.

I had a quite disgusting life and that’s the reason why I’m the way I am. I do not think I would be a particularly bad person if I was a daughter of Jenifer Eniston.

I was constantly abused by each member of my family in any possible way. My father, mother, sister, two brothers, they used to mock me every single day. They would beat me if I didn't get them enough money. I dropped out of school in order to make more money. I worked since twelve because my parents brought nothing home and I wanted to eat something. I never slept more than seven hours. I had to go to the gym in order to be strong. Four times per week I exercised. That’s the reason why I wasn’t scared of everyone in the family, excluding Ilon. I even had to work as a stripper to make a hella lotta money. And I was able to do that, however, two times of harassment taught me that it was not worth the money, so I quit. I even once had a sweet boyfriend who turned out to be a total wackadoodle and abuser. He constantly beat hell out of me and cheated on me. I was eighteen and stupid back then. Bob, by the way, helped me out of this situation. It was unbearable. Every time I went to bed I wished I hadn’t woken up. I accumulated so many traumas and childhood issues that I can lend you a couple if you want. I guess if I was examined by a psychologist or psychiatrist, I would be diagnosed with all kinds of disorders.

I did a lot of bad stuff to those people as well. I guess we were worth one another. However, they did not dare to kill anyone.

My story is quite amusing, isn’t it? Some people will find it interesting, some people will find it disgusting. I agree with the latter. I was a disgusting person and I still am. However, I want to give myself a second chance. I usually do not believe that people can change but I’m not ready to give up on my life. I’m still young and have a life ahead of me. It worth a shot. I feel good right now, so I just want you to know that everyone deserves a second chance. Or at least I want to believe so. Now, let me show you the worst character of this story. My name is Florence Walker. I am currently twenty one years old and I am sitting in prison. The only thing that I will say in my defence and it's an extremely small one is that I came clean willingly. I always wanted to be a great person. However, rage lives in my blood and I was not able to control it. In retrospect, I realize that totally all my actions were wrong. Each one. I’m not a God to decide people’s destiny. I cannot decide when a person’s life ends. It is not how things work. I think my willingness is the only good thing about me.