Читать книгу: «Writing: B2+»

2 Reader expectation and essay structure

Aims

  plan your essay structure

  guide your reader through structure, signposting and cohesion

  understand paragraph structure and how to connect paragraphs

Quiz

Self-evaluation

For each statement below, circle the word which is true for you.

Making your essay more readable

Your assessor is mainly concerned with the content of your essay. This partly depends on your research skills but also on your ability to get your points across.

You can make your essay easy to read in a number of ways, e.g. by using a clear structure and by guiding the reader through the text.

Essay structure

Glossary

outline (outlines) N-VAR An outline is a general explanation or description of something.

principle (principles) N-COUNT The principles of a particular theory or philosophy are its basic rules or laws.

When you wrote shorter essays, you learnt that the basic structure is: introduction / main body / conclusion, and that each separate idea needs a new paragraph. When you are writing a longer essay, the main principles are the same, but there are some differences.

The same three-part structure applies to any essay. In a longer essay, the introduction and conclusion will be more developed, but the biggest change will be in the main body, where there will be much more space to develop ideas. Although each new idea will still require a new paragraph, these separate ideas are likely to need more than one paragraph each to be fully developed. Before you do your research, you won’t know how many paragraphs you will be writing, but you are able to do an outline of the structure of the whole essay from the start.

The method we used in Chapter 1 can be used here to help with structure too. Look back at the example essay question about parallel trade and the three-step analysis of this question in the section Analysing key words and structure of essay titles.

This breakdown will lead to your outline, which can function as a plan for your writing as well as a starting point for your research.

Here, it would look like this:

Exercise 1

Write an outline for the essay title below, from Chapter 1 Exercise 3. Before you start the outline, look at the Answer key for Chapter 1 for the three-step analysis of the essay title.

What are the most important key urban planning theories of the post-war period? Outline in summary their key characteristics. With reference to one of these theories, explain how they help us understand the nature of planning practice.

The last thing you want to do is confuse your reader, so it is important to structure your work in the order that they would expect to find it.

The introduction

In an introduction you would normally:

1 give a description or explanation of the situation or problem (more general)

2 say why this situation or problem (or a more specific aspect of it) is important

3 say what your aim is, what your position on the situation or problem is, and what the organization of your essay will be.

The main function of the introduction is to show your reader you have understood the question and to indicate that you will be discussing it fully. You do not have to go into detail yet.

It is difficult to say how long an introduction should be, but as you won’t be starting to discuss anything in any detail yet, it won’t be long. It is likely to be less than 10 per cent of the word count.

Until you have finished your research, you might not be sure exactly what the structure of your essay will be, so it is a good idea to write your introduction last.

Exercise 2

Look at these two introductions of 1,000-word essays. Look at the three things you would normally include in an introduction above and then think about how you would improve the introductions.

‘It would be better not to let pupils use calculators at all in their maths lessons.’ Discuss.

Introduction A

It may be a good idea not to let students use calculators in maths classes, but there are also reasons why they can be helpful. This essay will first address the role calculators play by considering their benefits, as well as possible drawbacks. Then I shall present a simple argument for the use of calculators by examining the fundamental purpose of an educational system before concluding that we should not reject the use of calculators in a learning environment.

Introduction B

Calculators are useful pieces of equipment and are very popular in mathematical learning. However, some of their functions have raised concerns with maths teachers about the harmful effects on the students’ ability to improve their learning. This is why the idea of forbidding the use of calculators is being discussed. I think this opinion is too extreme and limited.

The conclusion

Your conclusion will normally consist of:

1 a summary of the main ideas (related to the importance to the topic)

2 a summary of your evidence (with your evaluation of it)

3 your overall conclusion / your answer to the question.

The conclusion will be more specific than the introduction, as you will already have mentioned the ideas you are commenting on. Do not add any new evidence or ideas: if you have more to say, then this should be done in the body of the text. Like your introduction, your conclusion is likely to contain no more than 10 per cent of the word count.

Exercise 3

Look at the ending of this 1,500-word essay and identify the three different parts of the conclusion. The first part has been identified for you.

In conclusion, (1) new technologies have provided a remarkable breakthrough which has allowed society itself to become incredibly advanced. They have now become so highly developed that they have provoked ethical questions about their morality. One of the main reasons for this is that they can be controlling, but as we have seen, they are liberating at the same time, with cyborg (mechanical body parts) technology even being able to save people’s lives. Another area of thought is related to the area of feminism: despite their large contribution to the fields of science and technology, women still have to struggle with inequality in everyday and scientific life. While new technologies have undoubtedly influenced postmodern thinking, the amount of research activity in the field in recent years suggests that the influence may also work the other way round.

The main body

The main body of the text consists of a number of paragraphs, blocks of text that develop ideas. We will look at them in more detail below in The structure of paragraphs.

For more information on the language used in introductions, conclusions and the main body, see Chapter 3.

Guiding your reader

The longer your piece of writing is, the more important it is that you guide your reader through it. You can do this by telling them about the structure (signposting), by using language that shows that the different aspects of your writing relate to each other (cohesion) and by distinguishing clearly between paragraphs (paragraphing).

Let’s have a look at how a student did this in a short piece of writing. (He has made several mistakes, which are discussed below.)

Glossary

cohesion N-UNCOUNT If you write with cohesion, you use language that shows that the different aspects of your writing relate to each other, fit together well, and form a united whole.

distinguish (distinguishes, distinguishing, distinguished) VERB If you distinguish one thing from another or distinguish between two things, you show, see, or understand how they are different.

guild (guilds) N-COUNT A guild is an organization of people who do the same job or activity.

This essay will look at how young people can be encouraged to vote in two main ways.

Firstly, the government should devise campaigns to inform them and increase their awareness of the importance of voting.

To start with, these campaigns should be as informal as possible and use electronic media such as blogs, websites or any other means that are accessible to that generation. Later on, the medium could also include newspapers and posters.

In addition, the contents of the campaigns should include the fact that voting is the right of every citizen, and state the benefits of voting such as the ability to choose the right representative for a particular area. It is also important to inform the young citizens that it is easy for them to vote.

Finally, after all the campaigns are done through the many information channels, the government may also promote voting by educating people in colleges, student guilds and other student organizations.

In conclusion, by taking these approaches, hopefully more young people will vote.

The student has indicated in the first sentence that there are two approaches he will discuss (but he could have made it clearer that these are media campaigns and educational programmes). He uses linking words to indicate the structure of his discussion: ‘Firstly’ and ‘Finally’ introduce the two areas he will discuss. He also uses other linking words.

Many students have been taught that linking words are very important, but some use these types of words too often. This is the case in this example. ‘In addition’ could be crossed out without it affecting the meaning: ‘the contents of the campaigns’ gives more information about a topic that was already raised, which is a natural thing to do, so the reader does not need to be told there is a link. It is also a bad choice of linker: it does not introduce an additional idea, but a more specific one. Here the linking words are all used at the beginning of a paragraph, making the text sound very repetitive (if you read it out loud, you will notice the pattern repeating). To sum up, linking words can be helpful to guide the reader, but you should only use them if they are necessary; make sure you use an appropriate one, and vary their place in the sentence.

Some of the words refer to other words in the text:

 the pronouns ‘them’ and their’ in the second sentence refer to ‘young people’ in the first sentence

 ‘these campaigns’ in the third sentence refers back to the campaigns mentioned in the second sentence, and ‘that generation’ refers back to ‘young people’

 the article ‘the’ in ‘the medium’, ‘the campaigns’ and ‘the young citizens’ indicates that these ideas have already been mentioned.

We can group some of the words mentioned, to show how a number of ideas are developed throughout the text. There are words related to the areas of:

 youth: young people, that generation, young citizens

 education: campaigns, inform, awareness, contents, fact, information channels, educating, contents, colleges, student guilds, student organizations

 media: blogs, websites, medium, newspapers, posters, information channels

 voting: vote, citizen, choose, representative

Visually, a space has been left between each paragraph. This is the right thing to do, although indents are also acceptable. In this short piece of writing, there was no need to have so many paragraphs. For example, the one that begins with ‘To start with’ develops the idea from the previous paragraph and should have been part of that one.

Glossary

indent (indents) N-COUNT An indent is the space at the beginning of a line of writing when it starts further away from the edge of the paper than all the other lines.

Exercise 4

Cross out the unnecessary and/or incorrect linking words in the paragraph (taken from an IELTS-type essay). Do not make any other changes.

It is widely believed that the internet is making our lives easier than they were in the past. Furthermore, the internet is used as a consultation method for solving many problems. On the one hand, many people use the internet for consulting others who are in a different location, for example, teachers, physicians and community researchers. Moreover, there are social networking sites such as Facebook to communicate with old friends, and so you can get together with them and other people you have not seen in a long time. The internet has also led to an increase in opportunities for face-to-face communication and people can talk with each other at any time and anywhere. At last, people with disabilities can use the internet to help overcome obstacles so that they have better access to education and other services.

Exercise 5

Underline the pronouns in this text and think about how they are used to connect the ideas in the text.

Internet users can get information any time they need it via their internet connection. When the internet was first introduced, its feature was to share information. As time has gone by, more functions and tools have been added. These include blogs, which allow users to share their comments and opinions, and social networks, which enable people to pass on messages quickly.

The structure of paragraphs

A paragraph normally has three parts:

1 a sentence that introduces the topic (and possibly links it to the previous paragraph)

2 a number of sentences that develop the topic (with analysis, evidence or detail)

3 a sentence that concludes the topic (or links it to the next topic/paragraph).

Have a look at some examples, where the sections have been numbered (1), (2) and (3).

Glossary

obstacle (obstacles) N-COUNT You can refer to anything that makes it difficult for you to do something as an obstacle.

(1) Corruption is the most important point to focus on, because this originates where the power is. (2) Corruption can take many forms: political, which involves corruption in a country’s legal system and police force, and economic, for example misuse of taxes and foreign aid money. (3) A country with a corrupt government is not able to develop.

(1) Another obstacle facing the developing nations today is capital flight. (2) This is the rapid movement of investments out of a country. This can be for economic reasons, such as an increase in taxes. It often also happens as a result of political problems such as internal or external wars. (3) It has a negative impact on the trust that people have in their governments, and investors tend to invest in other countries.

Tip

 Did you notice how common the pattern of three is? There are three parts in an essay, three parts in an introduction, three parts in a conclusion, and three parts in a paragraph. When you plan and write your essays, the three-part structure can help you order and shape your ideas.

Connecting paragraphs

Glossary

argument (arguments) N-VAR An argument is a statement or set of statements that you use in order to try to convince people that your opinion about something is correct.

measure (measures) N-COUNT When someone, usually a government or other authority, takes measures to do something, they carry out particular actions in order to achieve a particular result.

policy (policies) N-VAR A policy is a set of ideas or plans that is used as a basis for making decisions, especially in politics, economics, or business.

When you start a new paragraph, you are indicating that the previous point is finished and you are starting something new. However, this new paragraph is not completely separate from the previous one, and you will have to indicate what the relationship is. For example, if you start with ‘Another argument in favour of calculators is …’, then the language you have chosen clearly indicates to the reader that you are discussing a different argument (‘Another’) with the same purpose (‘in favour’).

When you use a construction like ‘another argument is’, what you are doing is summing up what has been said previously and naming it (‘argument’). You are also announcing what you are going to be doing next (‘another argument’), or perhaps indicating that you are going to give more specific information (‘This argument …’).

The following are examples of words like ‘argument’, which are often used with the word ‘this’ (or ‘these’, when used in the plural) in this way.

analysis, approach, concept, context, data, definition, environment, evidence, factor, function, interpretation, issue, measure, method, period, policy, principle, procedure, process, research, response, sector, structure, theory

Here is an example of how this pattern can be used. Note that some information has been left out of the paragraphs.

The government wanted to introduce social security as part of a larger policy to improve society. […] Another important message was that they felt that the state and the individual should work together. This meant that social security was not intended to discourage people from taking responsibility for improving their lives […].

These guiding principles […].

Note that the first sentence of a paragraph will normally show how it fits in with the overall structure of your plan, and may indicate what will happen next.

Tip

 Check the logical construction of your own writing by highlighting the most important sentences in each paragraph. If you just read those, would the essay make sense? If not, make changes.

For more information on the language used to introduce, develop and connect paragraphs, see Chapter 3.

Remember

 Essay structure – introduction / body / conclusion. The body is likely to have a large number of well-developed and linked paragraphs.

 Planning – do an initial outline based on an analysis of the essay question; a more detailed one can be done after the research.

 Introduction – includes an explanation of the situation and its importance, as well as a statement of the aim of the essay and an indication of its structure.

 Conclusion – includes a summary of the main ideas, a review and evaluation of the evidence, and an answer to the question.

 Paragraphs have a three-part structure with their own introductory and concluding sentence(s), and analysis, evidence or detail in between; they often refer forward and backwards to other paragraphs.

 Readability becomes very important in long essays. The reader needs to find the right information where they expect it; they also need to be told about the structure of the essay and find cohesive text, divided into paragraphs and signposted throughout.

 Linking words need to be used in longer text; they need to be chosen carefully and used only where necessary.

3 Essay content and language

Aims

  explain the time frame, situation and certainty

  define key terms and concepts

  indicate the importance of the topic and organization of the essay

  use organizational patterns and visuals

  understand the language of conclusions

Quiz

Self-evaluation

For each statement below, circle the word which is true for you.

1 I know how to write an outline for an essay based on an analysis of the essay title.	agree | disagree | not sure
2 I know what I am normally expected to include in the introduction to an essay.	agree | disagree | not sure
3 I always write my introduction first.	agree | disagree | not sure
4 I know what to include in the conclusion of an essay.	agree | disagree | not sure
5 I know how to use signposting and cohesion to guide the reader through my essay.	agree | disagree | not sure
6 I know what the parts of a paragraph usually are.	agree | disagree | not sure

Content and language

In Chapter 2, we discussed how your essay question can be analysed to produce an outline that shows in which section of your essay you will discuss each part. Here we look at the content and language of introductions, the main body and conclusions.

The beginning of the essay

The essay has to introduce the topic, so must start with a relatively general comment. The trick is not to over-generalize, otherwise the comment becomes meaningless. For example, the following first sentences of an essay are too vague or general.

First sentence of essay	Comments	Possible improvement
1 Most people hold firmly to the belief that the English language is one of the most popular languages in the world.	English being ‘one of the most popular languages in the world’ is a fact, not a belief. The student wanted to use ‘hold firmly to the belief’, but this language is not right for the content. The statement also seems to be too general: it is not clear what this essay will be about.	The English language is spoken as a first or second language by millions of people, and is becoming even more popular because of its use in electronic communication.
2 Nowadays, many people spend their time watching TV or surfing the internet.	As in the previous example, this sentence says something that most people know, but it does not clearly introduce the topic of the essay. The word ‘nowadays’ is over-used at the beginning of essays.	In the past few decades, traditional pastimes such as reading books have become less popular than technology-based activities such as watching TV and surfing the internet.
3 The need to have a higher degree has often been debated recently.	The student says something that perhaps is not really true: has this really often been debated recently? It looks as if she wanted to use the language ‘has often been debated recently’, which could be said about any topic (the need to use cleaner energy, the need for more public transport, etc.). Even if it is true about the debate, the sentence is not saying much.	The recent rises in tuition fees for first and higher degrees have led to sharp drops in student numbers.

The following examples get it just right: they are not too general, nor too specific.

4 Globalization, a 21st century phenomenon, is having a great impact on countries, not just economically, but also culturally, educationally and socially.

5 Compared to the past we are living in an educated era, with more people attending universities and increasing numbers going abroad to study.

You will have noted from the comments about examples 1–3 that it is not a good idea to memorize words or phrases (‘nowadays’, ‘has been debated’) to insert your ideas into. It is better to start from your ideas and then to think about how they are best expressed. To do this, you need to think about the time frame, the situation and the certainty.

Although you are generalizing, don’t be vague about the situation and when it happened.

If we analyse what the verbs describe in examples 1–5 above (looking at the improved versions in the column on the right for 1–3), we will find the present continuous tense (is becoming, is having, are living) in examples 1, 4 and 5, which describe ongoing processes. In examples 2 and 3 the present perfect is used, to link a past situation with the present (have become, have led). There is also an example of the present passive form (is spoken) in example 1. Notice that generalizations are unlikely to be expressed in the past tense, unless they are about historical situations.

For more information on tenses, see Chapter 5.

Notice that generalizations often use plural nouns (people, tuition fees, student numbers), and uncountable nouns, i.e. a noun that has no plural form (globalization). It would be strange to use a singular countable noun (person, student), unless it represents a larger category as in the example ‘A student needs to be able to raise thousands of pounds a year’, where the word ‘student’ does not relate to a particular student, but to ‘any student’. The sentence has the same meaning as ‘Students need to be able …’

In the original sentence in example 2, the writer states a truth, without saying what the relevance of it is for the essay. The addition of ‘technology-based activities’ in the improved version tells the reader why surfing the internet and watching TV are mentioned, especially as there is also a contrast with ‘traditional pastimes’. This adds an element of precision, even though the sentence remains general.

Precision is also present in example 4: we know which aspects of globalization the writer is going to discuss. By mentioning the four categories, the writer also indicates the structure of the essay.

You need to indicate very clearly what is fact and what is not.

The claim in (improved) example 1 is that the English language is popular, and the evidence for this is that it is spoken as a first or second language by millions of people and that it is used in electronic communication (which makes it become even more popular).

The writer of example 1 presents a fact and evidence. In example 3, we can read about a cause and its effect. These claims are strong, as evidence is provided.

When less evidence is available, it is better to be cautious and use language that expresses your degree of certainty. This can be done through adverbs (usually, often, undoubtedly, probably, unlikely), adjectives (most, some, certain) and modal verbs (can, may, might).

For more information on cautious language, see Chapters 8 and 9.

Glossary

cautious ADJ If you describe someone’s attitude, language, or reaction as cautious, you mean that it is limited or careful.

Definitions

Definitions can occur in the introduction or the main part of the essay. Key concepts are most likely to be defined in the introduction.

It is normal practice to define your key terms, but it becomes especially important to include definitions if you use the words in a meaning which is different from the usual interpretation, or if you are using one meaning when there are many.

Look at the following ways to define an important concept:

synthesis	is	the process of combining objects or ideas into a complex whole
is commonly defined as
is generally understood to refer to
can be described as

the process of combining objects or ideas into a complex whole	is called	synthesis
is known as
is referred to as

Notice how the passive form is often used (is defined, can be described, is called, is known, is referred to). Typical mistakes that are made with the passive are forgetting the form of ‘to be’ and not using the past participle (e.g. writing define where it should be defined). Remember that passive forms have a form of ‘to be’ followed by the past participle of the verb.

Study the tables above. Then try to do Exercise 1 without looking back at the tables.

Exercise 1

Define the word ‘comprehension’ (= the act or ability to understand) in two ways: once starting the sentence with the word, and once ending the sentence with the word. Use passive forms of the verb each time.

Definitions often use relative clauses after a noun to indicate which person or which thing we are talking about, for example:

Notation is a method of recording music, which is based on naming the notes by letters and also includes ways of distinguishing the value of notes in terms of duration.

The relative pronoun that is used here is ‘which’. Other relative pronouns that are often used after a noun in this way are who, whose (which expresses possession), and that.

Exercise 2

Fill in the missing relative pronouns in the following definitions. Choose from that, which, whose and who.

1 The wings of a bird or insect are the two parts of its body________________it uses for flying.

2 A wing of an organization, especially a political organization, is a group________________is part of it and________________has a particular function or particular beliefs.

3 In a theatre, the wings are the sides of the stage________________are hidden from the audience by curtains or scenery.

4 A choir is an organized group of singers________________usually sing in church services.

5 A long, thin container________________you squeeze in order to force paste out is referred to as a tube.

If you are using a particular definition or interpretation, perhaps from a choice of many, you will need to use longer structures to explain this, and may need to include a justification of your choice. Some examples are:

Using definitions

 For the purposes of this essay, I will be using Kotler’s definition of societal marketing, because of its focus on the organization’s task to meet the need of the clients and to ‘… deliver the desired satisfactions more effectively and efficiently than competitors, in a way that preserves or enhances the consumer’s and the society’s well-being.’

 Although many different definitions of marketing have been suggested over the years, I will be using the one by Kotler (1994), because of.…

 Throughout this essay, I will be using the word ‘cognitive’ to refer to the different types of intellectual behaviour.

 In this essay, the term ‘reliability’ is used to mean …

Indicating the importance of the topic

Superlatives can be useful to indicate that the topic is a relevant one:

The following adjective and noun combinations can also be useful:

Adjective and noun combinations

an important part, a key role/factor, a great/major problem, a central area of, a common problem, an increasing need/concern, heightened awareness, rapid development, a dramatic increase, renewed/unprecedented interest, a serious effect/impact on, increasing concern

You can also use the following combinations with adverbs:

is becoming increasingly important, has been extensively researched

Introducing the aim and the organization of the essay

You could use the following patterns:

This essay	will attempts to	examine whether …determine whether …
The aims of this essay	are to

This essay

examines whether …determines whether …argues that …

In this essay

I argue that …I will discuss …it will be argued that …

Notice how ‘will’ and present tenses are used (will examine). ‘Will’ is used to announce what is to come. Present forms are used (examines) to state a fact about the organization of the essay.

There is a choice between passive forms (it will be argued that) or active forms with ‘I’ (I will argue that).

When you announce the structure of the essay, the form with ‘I’ is common. For example:

I will first discuss the reasons why Galen originally became popular. In the second section, I will offer explanations for his enduring popularity, after which I will explain the part that was played by the church and the state.

The main body: Organizational patterns

Essays can be organized in a variety of ways. Some examples of organizational patterns are: comparing/contrasting, problem/solution, chronological, description, exemplifying, classifying, themes, definition, process, cause/effect, advantages/disadvantages, strengths/weaknesses/opportunities/threats (SWOT).

Glossary

chronological ADJ If things are described or shown in chronological order, they are described or shown in the order in which they happened

In shorter essays, it is more likely that a pattern is used throughout the whole essay. In longer essays, you are more likely to use a combination. For example, if you are writing an essay about the Cadbury Company, you could use a chronological pattern, in which you write events in the order in which they occurred. Within the different periods, you might use cause and effect, you could include extended definitions of different business models, you could recount a SWOT analysis that was carried out, etc.

Exercise 3

Match the language on the left with the functions on the right.

1 A good illustration of this is the study carried out by De Carvalho (2012).	listing/classifying
2 There are three factors that can explain why the practice has not become more widespread. Firstly, …	giving cause/effect
3 This demonstrated that a different perspective on the problem can give rise to alternative decisions being taken.	exemplifying
4 Whereas in Western societies this is the most important factor in deciding attractiveness, in Eastern societies this is less so.	comparing/contrasting

Glossary

figure (figures) N-COUNT In books, journal articles, and essays, the diagrams which help to show or explain information are referred to as figures.

Using visuals

In your essays, you may not always need to include visuals, but when you do they will be in the main body. You always need to introduce the visual in your text before showing it. After the visual, you need to describe the most important information contained in it. This may be done by comparing or contrasting, describing change over time, interpreting statistics, etc.

The visuals could be either tables or figures. The title (also sometimes called ‘caption’ or ‘figure legend’) of a table needs to be put above the table, but it needs to be put underneath the information for a figure. You will need to indicate the source of the table or figure. If you have designed or compiled it yourself, then you need to indicate this in the text. For example:

Glossary

compile (compiles, compiling, compiled) VERB When you compile something such as a report, book, or table, you produce it by collecting and putting together many pieces of information.

The following figure shows an overview of the different opinions expressed in both studies. I have put the negative ones on the left and the positive ones on the right.

The language of conclusions

Look at the following conclusion:

The institute for health improvement has identified that an open visiting policy in intensive care units is an important aspect of quality improvement. (1) The aim of this paper was to evaluate and compare the benefits and risks of open and restricted visiting policies. (2) Although the advantages and benefits of visitors for patients have been reported in various studies, the risks and disadvantages have also been discussed.

(3) It is difficult to adapt the same visiting policy across intensive care units and every situation should be assessed on an individual basis. To avoid any adverse effects of visits on staff and patients, staff should be educated on visitor needs and behaviour, and also brochures should be developed and provided which outline the visiting policies.

Notice how the student repeats the aim of the paper in sentence (1). He also says what type of evidence has been discussed in the essay in sentence (2). The overall conclusion and recommendations come at the end (3).

Have a look at the tenses used in the underlined words in the conclusion above. The aim has now been fulfilled, so is referred to in the past simple. The essay itself is not completely finished yet, so the present perfect is used: this tense provides a link between the past and the present. In conclusions that refer to concrete facts, the present tense is used. Recommendations are often made by using ‘should’.

Exercise 4

Answer the following questions.

1  Fill in the correct verb forms in the following sentences, taken from conclusions.

1 This essay (to discuss)________________the economic factors that contributed to …

2 In this essay, I (argue)________________that globalization is not a recent phenomenon.

3 This essay (explore)________________the causes of the conflict …

1  What tense did you use in sentences a–c?

2  The following sentences summarize the evidence and give an indication of their importance. You need to use a different tense here. Which one and why?

1 These findings (to suggest)________________that …

2 The evidence (to seem)________________to indicate that …

3 A consequence of this (to be)________________that …

Remember

 At the start of your essay, don’t give any details but say something meaningful.

 The language you use (tenses, singular or plural, modal verbs, etc.) will depend on the situation you are describing, its time frame and the strength of your claims.

 Define your concepts, indicate the importance of the topic, and state the aims and organization of the essay in the introduction.

 Decide on the best organizational pattern for your essay and remember that most essays will use a combination of patterns.

 Integrate visuals into your essay by introducing them before inserting them, labelling them correctly, and explaining the most significant information in them.

 Use the correct tenses in conclusions to sum up what the essay discussed and comment on its importance.

4 Formality, efficiency, modesty and clarity

Aims

  understand formality in register and style

  understand efficiency in register and style

  understand modesty in register and style

  understand clarity in register and style

Quiz

Self-evaluation

For each statement below, circle the word which is true for you.

1 I often use words like ‘big’, ‘good’, ‘a lot’ in my essays.	agree | disagree | not sure
2 It is generally acceptable to use idioms and contractions in academic writing.	agree | disagree | not sure
3 I always proofread my essays to make sure I haven’t repeated myself.	agree | disagree | not sure
4 I know how to use cautious and impersonal language to make my writing modest.	agree | disagree | not sure
5 It is acceptable to use words like ‘thing’, ‘kind of’, ‘stuff’ in academic writing.	agree | disagree | not sure
6 I feel I need to write long and complex sentences to write in an academic style.	agree | disagree | not sure

Four principles of academic writing

In Chapter 2 we looked at what the person marking your work wants. One aspect of this is that you need to demonstrate that you understand the conventions of the academic genre.

In this chapter we will be looking at what all academic readers want, i.e. the type of register and style that is expected from all scholars.

We will look at four principles of academic writing: Formality, Efficiency, Modesty, and Clarity, and consider what they mean for the academic writer. For each principle, you will find examples of mistakes students have made, followed by explanations and corrections. Try to work out what the mistakes are and how you could correct them before you read on.

Glossary

genre (genres) N-COUNT A genre is a particular type of literature, painting, music, film, or other art form which people consider as a class because it has special characteristics.

Formality

Before starting university, students are already aware of the need for formal language in essays. The problem is that it can be difficult to know what is formal and what is not. You can try to think about it in this way: words that are used a lot when speaking (e.g. ‘big’, ‘good’, ‘well’, ‘a lot’), or a technique that is used a lot in speeches (e.g. asking the audience questions) are unlikely to be used in formal writing.

Glossary

formality N-UNCOUNT If you talk about the formality of a person’s language or writing style, you mean that they are using extremely formal academic language.

What else can we expect from the internet? The first thing which we expect and hope to have is an improvement of the services in the near future.

The student asks a question here and then answers it. This is a technique used in speeches to involve the audience. In academic writing, the writer does not address the audience. An improvement would be: ‘The future of the internet will be decided by the needs of its customers. One development is therefore likely to be service improvement.’ This takes out the question, the word ‘hope’, which is quite personal, and the need for ‘we’, which refers to internet customers.

Secondly, we need to reduce the internet service access fees. Moreover, there are always technological developments in the pipeline.

This follows on from the previous text about the internet, so we can avoid the ‘we’ by saying ‘Another customer requirement is a reduction in access fees.’ The second sentence contains an idiom, ‘in the pipeline’, which means ‘in the process of being completed, delivered, or produced’. Idioms are very rare in academic writing, and it is better if you don’t use them. The sentence could be improved as follows:

‘Technological advances can also be expected, as companies are always developing their systems in order to stay competitive.’

Analysis of annual financial reports is an art, which involves many complexities. Even when they are looking at the same natural beauty, amateur painters and great masters will have completely different interpretations. Different people might obtain different conclusions when reading the same report.

This student is using an analogy: financial analysis is compared to an art form with many complexities. It is not wrong to use an analogy, as it involves comparison, which is an academic skill. However, analogy and metaphor can be quite poetic in nature, in which case they are not academic. The student is going too far in the second sentence. An improvement would be: ‘The analysis of financial reports can be said to have more in common with art than with science, as it relies on interpretation and not just facts. This is why different analysts may reach different conclusions.’

Then, there is another problem: different parties’ interests often correspond with the financial performance of the company.

‘Then’ is used here to list items (‘First, … Second, … Then, …’). This is often done in presentations, but in writing it sounds too informal. The sentence can be improved as follows: ‘Another problem is that different parties’ interests …’.

In order to find out more information about the statement, the reader can break it down into its different aspects.

Glossary

analogy (analogies) N-COUNT If you make or draw an analogy between two things, you show that they are similar in some way.

metaphor (metaphors) N-VAR A metaphor is an imaginative way of describing something by referring to something else which is the same in a particular way. For example, if you want to say that someone is very shy and frightened of things, you might say that they are a mouse.

Notice how one-word verbs sound more formal than phrasal verbs: ‘In order to investigate further, the reader can analyse the different aspects of the statement.’

Glossary

phrasal verb (phrasal verbs) N-COUNT A phrasal verb is a combination of a verb and an adverb or preposition, for example ‘shut up’ or ‘look after’, which together have a particular meaning.

In companies with alternative working environments there seems to be a lot more respect for the management.

‘A lot’ is so common in speech that it is best avoided in academic writing. It can simply be replaced with ‘much’ in front of an uncountable word (like ‘respect’ in this sentence), or ‘many’ if it is countable (e.g. ‘many people’).

However, every enterprise cannot develop without the support of society and the natural resources of the environment.

There is a grammatical mistake here: you wouldn’t say ‘every X cannot’. One way of correcting this is saying ‘an enterprise cannot …’. This can be made to sound more formal by using ‘no’ instead of ‘not’: ‘… no enterprise can …’.

There are not many recruitment managers who would actually use social networking sites to gather information about potential employees.

In a similar way to the previous example, we can replace ‘not’ to make the sentence more formal: ‘Few recruitment managers would …’. Where ‘not … much’ is used in an essay, it can be replaced with ‘little’.

Firstly, the leader should implement systems which enable the staff to tackle their problems together.

An improvement would be: ‘… enable the staff to solve their problems together’. ‘Tackle’ is often used in the context of sport, and is quite an informal word. There is a good alternative available, so it is better to use that here.

Patients can’t always judge accurately what is expected of them.

Using abbreviated forms of verbs (can’t, shouldn’t, won’t, etc., instead of cannot, should not and will not) is fine in informal writing such as emails, but contractions are not acceptable in academic writing.

Tip

 It is easy to check for contractions when you are proofreading: you can do a software search for the apostrophe (’) and, if it is part of a contraction, you can replace it easily.

Formality is not about writing difficult words and constructions. If you try to over-complicate your language, it may give the impression you are not being respectful of the reader. Instead, when you are explaining something in your text, start off simply, then rephrase parts to make the writing more formal.

Exercise 1

Is the style in this book formal or informal? Find examples to illustrate your answer. Why do you think this style has been chosen?

Efficiency

Efficient writing fulfils its purpose without saying too much. You should use the minimum amount of language that is required, and not repeat yourself. When you were writing shorter essays for exams, you might have been worried about writing enough words in a small amount of time, which may have led to repetition. Avoid this by careful proofreading.

Glossary

efficiency N-UNCOUNT Efficiency is the quality of being able to do a task successfully, without repetition or wasting time or energy.

To compare these two theories, several examples of similar content can be pointed out between these two theories.

There was no need to repeat ‘theories’. An improvement would be: ‘When comparing these two theories, it becomes clear that there are many similarities.’

Tip

 Although you are not expected to know every word, the words that relate to the essay topic will have featured in the materials you read during your research. Make a note of useful vocabulary as you read.

If you look carefully at academic writing, you will notice that many noun phrases are used. Here is an example:

‘In a study ,the effect of weight loss without salt restriction on the reduction of blood pressure in overweight patients was examined.’

Nearly half of the words in that sentence are nouns. Using nouns is efficient: you use less space if you are talking about processes (salt reduction) without describing the action (they have reduced the salt).

Modesty

Exercise 2

Make these sentences more academic by using nouns instead of verbs where possible. Underline the verbs first, then transform some of them into nouns, e.g.:

The country would benefit if corporations increase the amount they produce.

An increase in corporate productivity would benefit the country.

1 The company will have to train their staff better so that they can be more efficient.

2 In this case, there is a difference between cultures so they need to communicate by using varied strategies.

3 If they adopt this strategy, they may reduce the costs.

4 If they create such a unit, they may have better access to marketing information.

In academic writing you need to be respectful of the ideas of others. In your essays it is very unlikely that you would say something like ‘These researchers were completely wrong.’ Instead you might say ‘More recent research has shown that this is not the case.’ You are supposed to look at different angles and say whether you agree or disagree, but you always need to remain modest about your opinion. Look at some examples on the next page:

Trait theory is the best leadership theory.

Glossary

modesty N-UNCOUNT If you write with modesty, you use impersonal and cautious language in your writing.

This statement is too strong: even if the student can explain why this theory is useful in comparison to other theories, another scholar could easily argue that another one is better. The statement is too confident. The student should not use the word ‘best’ and should explain why this theory is useful.

Glossary

cite (cites, citing, cited) VERB If you cite something, you quote it or mention it, especially as an example or proof of what you are saying.

Students are very weak in their basic mathematical knowledge due to over-dependence on calculators.

This is the student’s opinion, but she cannot write this without evidence. She could cite studies that have shown this to be true, or she could adjust her language: ‘Some students’ mathematical knowledge may suffer because of their over-dependence on calculators.’

A way to ensure academic modesty is to use cautious language. This is also called ‘hedging’ language, because ‘to hedge against something’ means to protect yourself from its consequences.

In order to encourage consumers to try their goods for the first time, a number of promotional methods should be applied as follows: (…)

The student says that the company ‘should’ do something, where he should really have made a suggestion (‘could’).

The next step is to conduct a long-term observation among the workers to find out if they show a more creative and conscientious approach in their daily work.

Here, ‘is’ is too strong. The student is saying what he thinks is a good idea, so it really is a suggestion. He could have used ‘may be’ or ‘could be’.

For more information on cautious language, see Chapter 8.

A common mistake that students make is to use cautious language where it is not necessary. They use ‘would’, ‘might’, ‘likely to’, etc. because they have learnt that these verbs are common in academic writing.

Annual financial reports might include information from financial statements and other sources.

Even without knowing much about the subject, we can assume that the purpose of financial reports is to give financial information. The verb ‘might’ needs to be taken out of the sentence.

It would come across as immodest if your essay were to state ‘I did …, I did …, I did …’. Even if you use the ‘we’ form, this would not improve matters much. It is possible to use ‘I’ and ‘we’ in certain circumstances, however.

For more information on when it is appropriate to use ‘I’ and ‘we’, see Chapter 8.

Here though, we will work on the basis that ‘I’ and ‘we’ should be avoided where possible and we will be looking at examples of writing where language is used that is not objective enough.

Glossary

shareholder (shareholders) N-COUNT A shareholder is a person who owns shares in a company.

stakeholder (stakeholders) N-COUNT Stakeholders are people who have an interest in a company’s or organization’s affairs.

creditor (creditors) N-COUNT Your creditors are the people who you owe money to.

As we all know, an enterprise is composed of many different groups, including management (such as the board of directors, the Chief Executive Officer, other executives), shareholders, and other influential stakeholders (including lenders, suppliers, employees, creditors, customers and the community).

This is an interesting one: the student is including the reader by saying ‘we’, so she is making her comment quite personal and suggesting that if readers do not know there may be something wrong with them. We can say the same thing but make it more impersonal: ‘It is commonly known that an enterprise …’

In my opinion, the company should do this, because it would offer direct business benefits.

The student could say ‘If the company did this, they would receive direct business benefits.’ There is normally no need to say ’in my opinion’ as your whole essay is a development of your opinion.

For more information on developing a clear point of view, see Chapter 8.

Non-shareholder stakeholders also play an important role in corporate governance. As I mentioned before, stakeholders include employees, suppliers, local communities and local governments.

Here, ‘I’ can easily be left out, so it is best to do so.