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Relax and recharge your body

Your body is the temple of your spirit. For sex to be sacred, treat your body as sacred too. Most of us identify more with our minds than our bodies, but for Tantric masters you can conjure bliss most easily through your body. Your body is the site of your experience, the location of your opening up to the world. It is in your body that you feel precious moments of ecstasy, which are reached through bodily expression.

Consider the following; try them out as your daily mantras.

Through my body, I can transform my consciousness. I can be free from identifying myself only with my thoughts.

Through my body, I feel grounded and connected with everything around me.

Through my body, I can be in the moment and feel present, not tied to the past or the future.

Through my body, I can express everything there is to express, and do everything there is to achieve.

My body is awesome; its design, its function, its capacities. It is beautiful as it is.

Tantra describes the universe as a magical filament spun from threads of energy. The universe is dazzling, luminous. You are a part of this same fabric. You too are composed of vibrating energy. Worship the universe manifested in your being; learn to love what you see in the mirror. Your body is perfect and as lovely as a flower.

Total relaxation technique

The most important way to look after yourself is by learning to relax completely, so that you let go of tension in your body. Relaxing is not a waste of time. In fact, you may find that when you do nothing for a change, some of your most creative ideas pop into your head.

You can do the following three relaxation exercises every day. If you’re a busy person with a stressful lifestyle, try to spend twenty minutes each day in total relaxation – you can split this into two ten-minute sessions.

 Begin by lying down on the floor with your neck supported on a slim pillow or a book. As you stretch out, let your spine lengthen and bring up your knees. There’s no need to press the small of your back flat into the floor – just let it relax naturally. Allow your head to drop back slightly, opening your jaw and letting your lips part. Throughout the exercise, keep your breathing natural and easy.

 Relax your body. With each breath, let go of muscular tightness in your body. Let your back settle into the floor. Let your shoulders release downwards into the floor, and focus your attention on allowing the holding in your neck to melt away. Release any tension in the small of your back. Imagine that your breathing releases any backache and heals any pain in your body. Let the soles of your feet sink into the earth.

 Now concentrate on widening your body. Let your hips spread out over the floor, taking up more space.

 Every time you breathe, mentally encourage every cell within your body to expand. Send your breath down to the bottom of your ribcage, letting your chest expand more with each breath. Release any sense of holding or constriction, leaving more space for your heart to fill your chest. Let your shoulders spread out and take up more space. Let the healing energy of your breath dissolve muscular tension, stress and worry. Your healing breath can relieve tension and liberate your mind.

 As you breathe, close your eyes and visualize your inner self; deeply relax and allow this sense of you to be free to find its own state of rest.

 If your mind is distracted and busy, try to turn your eyes upwards. This reduces brain activity and promotes deep relaxation. Our bodies do this naturally when we sleep. You can also try this eye-turning technique during meditation or lovemaking, to still your mind if thoughts distract you.

Relax and chant

This exercise helps you relax deeply, using your voice to deepen your relaxation. The techniques here incorporate sound, so that your body sings as tension is released. The sound ‘Om’ expands your energy-body, or subtle inner energy and brings peace, clarity and bliss.

 Make yourself totally comfortable on a duvet or blanket folded on the floor, lying flat on your back with your arms by your sides. It helps if you focus on the heaviness of your body, letting the weight of it drop into the floor.

 When you feel relaxed, observe the rise and fall of your abdomen as you breathe in and out. Notice how your breathing slows down as you observe it.

 Allow your breathing to fall into a calm, easy rhythm. Let any muscular tension in your ribcage and abdomen melt away as each breath is expelled.

 Relax all the parts of your body, slowly moving from the tips of your toes, through your ankles, calves, knees and thighs. With each breath direct your awareness to that area of your body, allowing yourself to relax more deeply with each out-breath.

 Focus your attention on your buttocks, relaxing them on the out-breath, and let your pelvis sink deeply into the floor. As you relax your pelvis and abdomen, say a long, drawn-out ‘Ah’. Do this for several deeply relaxing exhalations. As you make the sound of ‘Ah’, let the vibrations from your chest spread through your pelvis to the rest of your body and down your legs. ‘Ah’ is a sound of openness – open yourself with every vocalization.

 When your lower body feels relaxed and energized, move your attention to your fingertips. Spend a few breaths relaxing your fingertips before moving through your hands, wrists, forearms, upper arms and shoulders. Allow your shoulders to relax more deeply with every out-breath, and let your spine sink into the duvet or blanket underneath.

 As you focus on your upper chest, draw your breath into the area of your heart. As you release the breath, release an audible ‘Oh’ sound, letting the sound vibrations travel through your torso and down your arms.

 After several minutes breathing and chanting ‘Oh’, relax your neck, jaw and face. Spend the next few breaths relaxing your facial muscles, moving upwards towards the temples and to the top of your head. As you exhale, hum ‘Mm’, and allow the vibrations to resonate through your whole head. Do this for a few minutes.

 Now focus on your whole body fully relaxing. Combine the sounds ‘Ah’, ‘Oh’ and ‘Mm’ into the Sanskrit word for the sound of the universe: Om. As you exhale, chant ‘Om’, and let the vibrations spread throughout your whole body. Lie in a deep state of relaxation. Imagine every out-breath emanating from your vibrating body and into the endless space around you. Find repose and refreshment as you rest in this tranquil spaciousness.

Bring in the sun

The sun is a traditional Tantric symbol for the belly. In this exercise, you energize your belly through visualizing the warmth of the sun. This helps to release tension around the pelvis, freeing up your sexual energy.

Unfortunately, Western culture regards flat bellies as a sign of sexiness; however, in Tantra this muscular tightness is interpreted as a sign of sexual defence. Muscular tension is also a sign of stress – holding negative feelings in the area of your navel blocks the flow of energy through your body, producing further emotional and sexual disharmony. When your belly is hard and armoured as a result of anger or fear, it prevents your body from responding freely to the fire of your sexual passion, which also blocks the connection between your sexual desire and your loving emotions.

You can also benefit from this visualization exercise if your belly is loose and flabby, which in Tantra is a symptom of neglect of your vital and sexual energy. By imagining that you are absorbing sustenance from the sun, you refuel with energy. In allowing the energy to fill you up, you encourage your belly to charge your life force, a resource for your whole body.

To begin, stretch out on the floor with your knees up, relaxing your spine as described in the Total relaxation exercise above.

 Become aware of your breathing. Breathe in and out of your mouth for some minutes, then relax and let your breath breathe itself.

 Now focus on slowing down your breathing, and let each breath sink into your belly. Let your belly soften. Allow your belly to rise with every inhalation, and fall with every exhalation. Keep breathing into your belly until you lose track of time. Become your breathing.

 After a while, draw down your breath from your lungs into your abdomen. At the end of every inhalation, briefly pause, holding your breath, and visualize an imaginary sun resting in your belly. As you continue to draw in the rays of the sun, let your belly absorb its light and heat, and allow your abdominal muscles to soften. Encourage the sun’s warmth to spread throughout your body and limbs. Your whole being feels languid and completely relaxed, just as it does when you are sunbathing. Luxuriate in the goodness of the sun.

Heal your body

Many of us have stress patterns in our bodies as a result of old injuries, shock and illness. However, day-to-day pressures also imprint stress in our tissues. This creates a pattern of stress that means we habitually react to challenges in a harmful way; our stress causes energy to become constricted in the body, which in turn creates physical tension and pain. Chronic tension produces common problems such as headaches, insomnia, anxiety and irritability. Tension can lead to a host of other problems, which may often prove unresponsive to medication.

Some couples use sex as a way of releasing tension, but this is a waste of the potential riches that good love-making can bring you. Conversely, too much stress may put you off sex all together. If you are carrying tension in your body, you need to release it before sex rather than during sex. You can’t hope to access sexual bliss if you are using sex to deal with the build-up of stress in your system. If you’re relaxed, balanced and harmonized before making love, you will get so much more out of the experience. Below are two Tantric techniques to get you started – the Healing breath exercise below, where you direct your breath to specific areas of your body; and the Light laundry in which you use visualized light to wash away the stress of the day.

Healing breath

This technique uses breathing techniques for healing, and helps you to feel compassion towards yourself by treating your body with appreciation. To begin, lie down, relax and breathe as described in the Total relaxation exercise.

 Breathe deeply for a few minutes. Then focus on the breath breathing itself as described in the previous exercise, Bring in the sun. Evoke a sense of marvel at your body.

 Feel thankful for your body, and appreciate it for the support it gives you in achieving your daily demands. Feel compassionate toward its aches and weaknesses.

 As you breathe, imagine that you are sending healing breath directly into any part of your body that feels tense or uncomfortable. Send healing energy into any part that is in pain.

 Allow this healing breath to radiate through your body for several moments. Notice how your body expands with the loving concern of your attention.

The light laundry

This exercise uses the Tantric image of radiant light to literally wash out stress patterns held in your body. Light is a form of vital energy that is visualized to purify your mind and body. It takes only a few minutes every day to practise this exercise, and it’s a good way to deal with the day’s accumulated stress when you come home from work. You can also use this technique as an energy-boost at the beginning of the day, or perhaps before lovemaking.

You can prepare for this meditation by turning off any artificial lights and filling the room with candles. Otherwise, visualize the light in your mind’s eye.

 Lie down, sit cross-legged on the floor, or in a chair with a straight back to allow energy to move freely up and down your spine. If you are sitting, rest your hands on your knees, with palms upturned to receive energy.

 Focus on your breathing. As you observe the fall and rise of your breath, imagine that your whole body is illuminated with light. With every in-breath, absorb more light into your body.

 Imagine that light is flooding every tissue of your body, throwing a spotlight on any darkness, tension or pain. See this healing light fill your shoulders, head and spine, your heart, chest and pelvis. Let the clarity of the light rest on any tension. As you breathe out, release this holding pattern of energy.

 Encourage the light to become more intense throughout your body, and feel it hum with vitality as your body is radiated. Let the light illuminate every cell and pore.

 Visualize the light pouring through you, like a pure, fresh rain drenching you, washing your body from your toes up to your head.

 Spend several minutes resting in the luminosity as your body fills with light. Let the light dissolve any shadows within. You are clear as a crystal, full of light yet opaque. You are made entirely of light. Imagine that everything in the universe is composed of light, and that light surrounds you everywhere.

Get supple

Look after your body’s primary needs. Your body needs to move, to stretch and work out. For good sex it helps if you are supple, limber and fit – but you don’t need to become obsessed about working out in the gym in order to achieve this. The simplest way to improve your energy is to become more physically active. If you’re chronically tired, remember that expending energy usually gives you more energy. Any exercise that you enjoy will boost your metabolism and improve your natural energy.

Pilates is superb, because it combines working the muscles of the pelvic floor with stretches and breathing; in Tantra, it is essential to work on your breathing and improve your pelvic floor muscles to enhance your ability to feel erotic pleasure during sex. Yoga is a beautifully balanced combination of stretching, breathing, relaxation and inner focus.

You will also benefit from the tension release that regular exercise brings. The upper body, the small of the back and the pelvis are common tension sites, so these areas will respond well to stretches. Swimming improves your lung capacity and releases tension around the upper body. You can also free up your pelvis with oriental belly dancing, or Latin dance such as salsa. These styles of dance are great for making you feel sexually confident, playful and flirtatious. Remember that Tantric sex is about relaxing into your sensuality and your erotic relationship. To achieve this, you need to deal with the tension in your body before lovemaking, rather than rely on your partner to give you release through orgasm. Your partner is probably just as stressed as you are.

Exercise should be a pleasure rather than a chore; listen to your body and take note of what you enjoy, rather than forcing yourself to work out for the sake of it. It is important to think about what your body responds to, and decide what you can do to feel enlivened. If you decide to devise your own workout, start with gentle stretches, but remember to breathe deeply as you stretch. Deep breathing nourishes your body with oxygen. This cleanses and detoxifies your muscles, helping them relax and preventing injury.

Dancing for sexual energy

Dance styles such as tango have long been described as akin to horizontal sex. In this exercise, you treat yourself and your partner to a session of sensual dancing at home. Without anyone watching you, you can forget your mutual inhibitions and enjoy the mutual buzz of dancing together. Dancing lessens your self-consciousness because the music encourages you to respond instinctively. If you find this fun, enjoy a regular dance session in which you play all your favourite music.

 With your lover, take turns playing music you love, sometimes dancing for their delectation while they watch, sometimes dancing together.

 As you get absorbed in the dance, abandon yourself to expressing the music through your body. Free yourself. Don’t think about what you are doing or how you look. Let the music dance you.

 Explore the various dynamics between you, sometimes creatively sparking off each other, harmonizing, complementing, finding your own space, melting together.

 Explore different rhythms – staccato, lyrical or wild. Try periods of stillness when it feels appropriate, when you just stop and sense your being vibrating with the rhythm of your dancing and the grace of your movements.