Barrack Room Ballads

The Widow’s Party

 
   “Where have you been this while away,
       Johnnie, Johnnie?”
    ‘Long with the rest on a picnic lay,
       Johnnie, my Johnnie, aha!
   They called us out of the barrack-yard
   To Gawd knows where from Gosport Hard,
   And you can’t refuse when you get the card,
       And the Widow gives the party.
          (Bugle:  Ta – rara – ra-ra-rara!)
 
 
   “What did you get to eat and drink,
       Johnnie, Johnnie?”
    Standing water as thick as ink,
       Johnnie, my Johnnie, aha!
   A bit o’ beef that were three year stored,
   A bit o’ mutton as tough as a board,
   And a fowl we killed with a sergeant’s sword,
       When the Widow give the party.
 
 
   “What did you do for knives and forks,
       Johnnie, Johnnie?”
    We carries ‘em with us wherever we walks,
       Johnnie, my Johnnie, aha!
   And some was sliced and some was halved,
   And some was crimped and some was carved,
   And some was gutted and some was starved,
      When the Widow give the party.
 
 
   “What ha’ you done with half your mess,
       Johnnie, Johnnie?”
    They couldn’t do more and they wouldn’t do less,
       Johnnie, my Johnnie, aha!
   They ate their whack and they drank their fill,
   And I think the rations has made them ill,
   For half my comp’ny’s lying still
       Where the Widow give the party.
 
 
   “How did you get away – away,
       Johnnie, Johnnie?”
    On the broad o’ my back at the end o’ the day,
       Johnnie, my Johnnie, aha!
   I comed away like a bleedin’ toff,
   For I got four niggers to carry me off,
   As I lay in the bight of a canvas trough,
       When the Widow give the party.
 
 
   “What was the end of all the show,
       Johnnie, Johnnie?”
    Ask my Colonel, for I don’t know,
       Johnnie, my Johnnie, aha!
   We broke a King and we built a road —
   A court-house stands where the reg’ment goed.
   And the river’s clean where the raw blood flowed
       When the Widow give the party.
          (Bugle:  Ta – rara – ra-ra-rara!)
 

Ford o’ Kabul River

 
   Kabul town’s by Kabul river —
    Blow the bugle, draw the sword —
   There I lef’ my mate for ever,
    Wet an’ drippin’ by the ford.
       Ford, ford, ford o’ Kabul river,
        Ford o’ Kabul river in the dark!
       There’s the river up and brimmin’, an’ there’s ‘arf a squadron swimmin’
        ‘Cross the ford o’ Kabul river in the dark.
 
 
   Kabul town’s a blasted place —
    Blow the bugle, draw the sword —
   ‘Strewth I sha’n’t forget ‘is face
    Wet an’ drippin’ by the ford!
       Ford, ford, ford o’ Kabul river,
        Ford o’ Kabul river in the dark!
       Keep the crossing-stakes beside you, an’ they will surely guide you
        ‘Cross the ford o’ Kabul river in the dark.
 
 
   Kabul town is sun and dust —
    Blow the bugle, draw the sword —
   I’d ha’ sooner drownded fust
    ‘Stead of ‘im beside the ford.
       Ford, ford, ford o’ Kabul river,
        Ford o’ Kabul river in the dark!
       You can ‘ear the ‘orses threshin’, you can ‘ear the men a-splashin’,
        ‘Cross the ford o’ Kabul river in the dark.
 
 
   Kabul town was ours to take —
    Blow the bugle, draw the sword —
   I’d ha’ left it for ‘is sake —
    ‘Im that left me by the ford.
       Ford, ford, ford o’ Kabul river,
        Ford o’ Kabul river in the dark!
       It’s none so bloomin’ dry there; ain’t you never comin’ nigh there,
        ‘Cross the ford o’ Kabul river in the dark?
 
 
   Kabul town’ll go to hell —
    Blow the bugle, draw the sword —
   ‘Fore I see him ‘live an’ well —
    ‘Im the best beside the ford.
       Ford, ford, ford o’ Kabul river,
        Ford o’ Kabul river in the dark!
       Gawd ‘elp ‘em if they blunder, for their boots’ll pull ‘em under,
        By the ford o’ Kabul river in the dark.
 
 
   Turn your ‘orse from Kabul town —
    Blow the bugle, draw the sword —
   ‘Im an’ ‘arf my troop is down,
    Down an’ drownded by the ford.
       Ford, ford, ford o’ Kabul river,
        Ford o’ Kabul river in the dark!
       There’s the river low an’ fallin’, but it ain’t no use o’ callin’
        ‘Cross the ford o’ Kabul river in the dark.
 

Gentlemen-Rankers

 
   To the legion of the lost ones, to the cohort of the damned,
    To my brethren in their sorrow overseas,
   Sings a gentleman of England cleanly bred, machinely crammed,
    And a trooper of the Empress, if you please.
   Yea, a trooper of the forces who has run his own six horses,
    And faith he went the pace and went it blind,
   And the world was more than kin while he held the ready tin,
    But to-day the Sergeant’s something less than kind.
       We’re poor little lambs who’ve lost our way,
          Baa!  Baa!  Baa!
       We’re little black sheep who’ve gone astray,
          Baa – aa – aa!
       Gentlemen-rankers out on the spree,
       Damned from here to Eternity,
       God ha’ mercy on such as we,
          Baa!  Yah!  Bah!
 
 
   Oh, it’s sweet to sweat through stables, sweet to empty kitchen slops,
    And it’s sweet to hear the tales the troopers tell,
   To dance with blowzy housemaids at the regimental hops
    And thrash the cad who says you waltz too well.
   Yes, it makes you cock-a-hoop to be “Rider” to your troop,
    And branded with a blasted worsted spur,
   When you envy, O how keenly, one poor Tommy being cleanly
    Who blacks your boots and sometimes calls you “Sir”.
 
 
   If the home we never write to, and the oaths we never keep,
    And all we know most distant and most dear,
   Across the snoring barrack-room return to break our sleep,
    Can you blame us if we soak ourselves in beer?
   When the drunken comrade mutters and the great guard-lantern gutters
    And the horror of our fall is written plain,
   Every secret, self-revealing on the aching white-washed ceiling,
    Do you wonder that we drug ourselves from pain?
 
 
   We have done with Hope and Honour, we are lost to Love and Truth,
    We are dropping down the ladder rung by rung,
   And the measure of our torment is the measure of our youth.
    God help us, for we knew the worst too young!
   Our shame is clean repentance for the crime that brought the sentence,
    Our pride it is to know no spur of pride,
   And the Curse of Reuben holds us till an alien turf enfolds us
    And we die, and none can tell Them where we died.
       We’re poor little lambs who’ve lost our way,
          Baa!  Baa!  Baa!
       We’re little black sheep who’ve gone astray,
          Baa – aa – aa!
       Gentlemen-rankers out on the spree,
       Damned from here to Eternity,
       God ha’ mercy on such as we,
          Baa!  Yah!  Bah!
 

Route Marchin’

 
   We’re marchin’ on relief over Injia’s sunny plains,
   A little front o’ Christmas-time an’ just be’ind the Rains;
   Ho! get away you bullock-man, you’ve ‘eard the bugle blowed,
   There’s a regiment a-comin’ down the Grand Trunk Road;
       With its best foot first
       And the road a-sliding past,
       An’ every bloomin’ campin’-ground exactly like the last;
       While the Big Drum says,
       With ‘is “rowdy-dowdy-dow!” —
       “Kiko kissywarsti don’t you hamsher argy jow?”
    Oh, there’s them Injian temples to admire when you see,
   There’s the peacock round the corner an’ the monkey up the tree,
   An’ there’s that rummy silver grass a-wavin’ in the wind,
   An’ the old Grand Trunk a-trailin’ like a rifle-sling be’ind.
       While it’s best foot first…
 
 
   At half-past five’s Revelly, an’ our tents they down must come,
   Like a lot of button mushrooms when you pick ‘em up at ‘ome.
   But it’s over in a minute, an’ at six the column starts,
   While the women and the kiddies sit an’ shiver in the carts.
       An’ it’s best foot first…
 
 
   Oh, then it’s open order, an’ we lights our pipes an’ sings,
   An’ we talks about our rations an’ a lot of other things,
   An’ we thinks o’ friends in England, an’ we wonders what they’re at,
   An’ ‘ow they would admire for to hear us sling the bat.
       An’ it’s best foot first…
 
 
   It’s none so bad o’ Sunday, when you’re lyin’ at your ease,
   To watch the kites a-wheelin’ round them feather-’eaded trees,
   For although there ain’t no women, yet there ain’t no barrick-yards,
   So the orficers goes shootin’ an’ the men they plays at cards.
       Till it’s best foot first…
 
 
   So ‘ark an’ ‘eed, you rookies, which is always grumblin’ sore,
   There’s worser things than marchin’ from Umballa to Cawnpore;
   An’ if your ‘eels are blistered an’ they feels to ‘urt like ‘ell,
   You drop some tallow in your socks an’ that will make ‘em well.
       For it’s best foot first…
 
 
   We’re marchin’ on relief over Injia’s coral strand,
   Eight ‘undred fightin’ Englishmen, the Colonel, and the Band;
   Ho! get away you bullock-man, you’ve ‘eard the bugle blowed,
   There’s a regiment a-comin’ down the Grand Trunk Road;
       With its best foot first
       And the road a-sliding past,
       An’ every bloomin’ campin’-ground exactly like the last;
       While the Big Drum says,
       With ‘is “rowdy-dowdy-dow!” —
       “Kiko kissywarsti don’t you hamsher argy jow?”
 

Shillin’ a Day

 
   My name is O’Kelly, I’ve heard the Revelly
   From Birr to Bareilly, from Leeds to Lahore,
   Hong-Kong and Peshawur,
   Lucknow and Etawah,
   And fifty-five more all endin’ in “pore”.
   Black Death and his quickness, the depth and the thickness,
   Of sorrow and sickness I’ve known on my way,
   But I’m old and I’m nervis,
   I’m cast from the Service,
   And all I deserve is a shillin’ a day.
    (Chorus)  Shillin’ a day,
                Bloomin’ good pay —
                Lucky to touch it, a shillin’ a day!
 
 
   Oh, it drives me half crazy to think of the days I
   Went slap for the Ghazi, my sword at my side,
   When we rode Hell-for-leather
   Both squadrons together,
   That didn’t care whether we lived or we died.
   But it’s no use despairin’, my wife must go charin’
   An’ me commissairin’ the pay-bills to better,
   So if me you be’old
   In the wet and the cold,
   By the Grand Metropold, won’t you give me a letter?
    (Full chorus)  Give ‘im a letter —
                     ‘Can’t do no better,
                     Late Troop-Sergeant-Major an’ – runs with a letter!
                     Think what ‘e’s been,
                     Think what ‘e’s seen,
                     Think of his pension an’ —
                     Gawd save the Queen
 

Second Series (1896)

‘Bobs’

 
   There’s a little red-faced man,
          Which is Bobs,
   Rides the tallest ‘orse ‘e can-
          Our Bobs,
   If it bucks or kicks or rears,
   ‘E can sit for twenty years
   With a smile round both ‘is ears-
         Can’t yer, Bobs?
 
 
   Then ‘ere’s to Bobs Bahadur-
        Little Bobs, Bobs, Bobs!
   ‘E’s or pukka Kandaharder-
        Fightin’ Bobs, Bobs, Bobs!
   ‘E’s the Dook of Aggy Chel;
   ‘E’s the man that done us well,
   An’ we’ll follow ‘im to ‘ell-
        Won’t we Bobs?
 
 
   If a limber’s slipped a trace,
        ‘Ook on Bobs.
   If a marker’s lost ‘is place,
        Dress by Bobs.
   For ‘e’s eyes all up ‘is coat,
   An’ a bugle in ‘is throat,
   An’ you will not play the goat
        Under Bobs.
 
 
   ‘E’s a little down on drink,
         Chaplain Bobs;
   But it keeps us outer Clink-
        Don’t it Bobs?
   So we will not complain
   Tho’ ‘e’s water on the brain,
   If ‘e leads us straight again-
        Blue-light Bobs.
 
 
   If you stood ‘im on ‘is head
        Father Bobs,
   You could spill a quart o’ lead
        Outer Bobs.
   ‘E’s been at it thirty years,
   An’ amassin souveneers
   In the way o’ slugs an’ spears-
        Ain’t yer, Bobs?
 
 
   What ‘e does not Know o’ war,
        Gen’ral Bobs,
   You can arst the shop next door-
       Can’t they, Bobs?
   Oh, ‘e’s little, but he’s wise;
   ‘E’s a terror for ‘is size,
   An’-’e-does-not-advertise-
       Do yer, Bobs?
 
 
   Now they’ve made a bloomin’ Lord
        Outer Bobs,
   Which was but ‘is fair reward-
         Weren’t it Bobs?
   So ‘e’ll wear a coronet
   Where ‘is ‘elmet used to set;
   But we know you won’t forget-
        Will yer, Bobs?
 
 
   Then ‘ere’s to Bobs Bahadur —
       Little Bobs, Bobs, Bobs!
   Pocket-Wellin’ton an’ arder —
       Fightin’ Bobs, Bobs, Bobs!
   This ain’t no bloomin’ ode,
   But you’ve ‘elped the soldier’s load,
   An’ for benefits bestowed,
       Bless yer, Bobs!