How to Make Anyone Fall in Love With You: 85 Proven Techniques for Success

To fulfil the promise of the title,

How to Make Anyone Fall in Love with You offers 85 techniques based on scientific studies into the nature of romantic love.

Contents

Cover

Title Page

1. Anyone? Yes, Practically Anyone

Science ‘Discovers’ Sex

How More Research Was Compiled

How the Techniques Were Developed

How I Tested the Techniques

2. What Makes People Fall in Love?

1. First Impressions

2. Similar Character, Complementary Needs

3. Equity

4. Ego

5. Early-Date Gender-Menders

6. ℞ for Sex

3. The Physical Side of Falling in Love

‘Why Do My Insides Go All Funny?’

‘Does Somebody Have to be Pea-Brained to Fall in Love with Me?’

‘Why Do We Fall in Love with One Person and Not Another?’

‘How Can These Little Things Start Love?’

4. Where Are All the Good Men and Women?

Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places

5. Does Love at First Sight Exist?

Part One: First Impressions

6. How to Make a Dynamite First Impression

First Impressions Last Forever

Be Ready for Love – Always!

Stay Psychologically ‘Fit to Kill’

7. How to Ignite Love at First Sight

How Much Eye Contact Does it Take to Imitate Love?

How to Get Sexy ‘Bedroom Eyes’

How to Awaken Primal, Unsettling, Sexy Feelings in Your Quarry

Naughty Eyes Are So Nice

8. Your First Approach

The Gentle Art of Pickup (Not for Men Only)

Hunters, Make the First Move … Fast

Huntresses, Make the Fast Move … First

First Moves That Work for Women

9. Your First Body Language

Let Your Body Do the Talking

The Dance of Intimacy

When You Are Quarry

The Word That Can Save Your Relationship

‘But This Is So Basic!’

10. Your First Conversation

Conversation Is Making Beautiful Music Together

Conversation Is Like Making Love

Conversation Is Like Selling

How to Know What Topic Turns Your Quarry On

How to Fool Your Quarry into Thinking You Two Are Already in Love

Get Even Closer by Giving the Gift of Intimacy

Make Your Lifestyle ‘Fit’ Your Quarry’s Lovemap

11. Your First Date

The Game Begins in Earnest

‘How Soon Should I Make My Move?’

‘Playing Hard to Get – Should I, or Shouldn’t I?’

The Scientifically Proven Best First Date

Give Your Quarry First-Date Butterflies

Plant the Seeds of Similarity

First-Date Restaurant Smarts

Hunters, Some Spit and Polish for Your P’s and Q’s

Huntresses, Forgive His Foibles

First-Date Duds

‘I Haven’t Got a Thing to Wear’

Part Two: Similar Character, Complementary Needs

12. ‘It’s You and Me, Baby, Alone Against This Mad, Mad World’

Similarity … and a Touch of Difference (Just a Touch)

13. How to Establish Subconscious Similarity

How to Instantly Make Your Quarry Feel, ‘Why, We’re Just Alike!’

Words to Give Your Quarry ‘That Family Feeling’

‘We Even Speak the Same (Body) Language’

14. How to Establish Conscious Similarity

The Three Crucial Conscious Similarities

Let’s Talk About Our Relationship – Not!

15. How to Establish Complementary Needs

‘I Got Just What You Need, Sweetheart’

Part Three: Ego

16. The World Revolves Around You, My Quarry

Ego Massage Is a Highly Skilled Craft

17. Step One: Silent Praise

Let Your Body Do the Praising

18. Step Two: Empathy

‘I Can Identify with That!’

Lovers Share Intimate Details

Lovers Have Private Jokes

19. Step Three: Admiration

‘Oh, Darling, You Did an Absolutely Superb Job Slicing These Mushrooms’

20. Step Four: The Implied Compliment

‘You’re Much Too Young to Remember This, But …’

The Bull’s-Eye Booster: ‘I Just Love What You Like About Yourself’

21. Step Five: The Big Guns

‘YOU Are the Most Fascinating Person I’ve Ever Met’

‘What Does Giving a Killer Compliment Do for Me?’

22. Fine-Tuning the Ego-Machine

‘Wait a Minute. Does Everybody Like Compliments?’

Knee-Jerk Praise: ‘What You Just Did Was Fabulous’

Have the First Laugh

Lovers Give Each Other Pet Names

When Your Quarry Praises You

23. Keeping the Love Coals Warm

‘I Love the Way You Wrinkle Your Nose When You Laugh’

Part Four: Equity

24. Everybody’s Got a Market Value, Baby

Why is Finding Love Like Horse Trading?

What Currency ‘Buys’ a Good Partner?

25. How Can I Use the Equity Principle to Find Love?

‘You Really Don’t Want to Marry the Handsome Prince or the Beautiful Princess’

‘Why Don’t I Want to Get Married?’

‘What Happens if Inequity Strikes After We’re Married?’

26. How Important Are Looks?

What Types of Looks Do Women Like?

What Types of Looks Do Men Like?

‘How Can I Make My Quarry Think I’m Better Looking?’

How to Beef Up Your Odds on Making the Kill

27. Pursuing Rich and Famous Prey

The Look of Money

The Sound of Class

What Does the U Crowd Talk About?

Use Status Words with Status Prey

28. Upping Your Ante in Other Assets

Knowledge, Social Graces and Inner Beauty Are Tangible Assets

29. Help Them Convince Themselves That They Love You

Let Your Quarry Do Favours for You

Hey! What About ‘O Lyric Love, Half Angel and Half Bird’?

Part Five: Early-Date Gender-Menders

30. ‘I Hope He or She’s Not an Idiot Like All the Others’

‘I Want a Man I Can Talk to, a Woman Who Thinks Like a Man’

31. What Is ‘Man Talk’ and What Is ‘Woman Talk’? (Do They Exist?)

32. ‘How Do You Feel About That?’

33. ‘Excuse Me, Could You Tell Me Where …?’

34. ‘Please, Spare Me the Details’

35. ‘Tell Me (Don’t Tell Me) About It’

36. ‘What’s the Best Way to Get from A to B?’

‘A Straight Line!’ He Declares; ‘A Gentle Curve?’ She Asks

37. ‘Could You Give Me a Hand with This?’

38. Little Words to Win Your Quarry’s Heart

39. Are There Dangerous Waters Ahead in the Gender Gap?

Part Six: ℞ for Sex

40. Your Quarry’s Hottest Erogenous Zone

41. No Two Sexualities Are Alike, as No Two Snowflakes Are Alike

How Do Men’s and Women’s Sexual Desires Differ?

Why Are Men’s and Women’s Fantasies So Different?

Yet More Differences

How to Use Differences to Make Your Quarry Fall in Love with You

42. Forget the Golden Rule between the Sheets

Men in Lust, Women in Love

43. Hunters, Make Love to a Woman as a Woman Wants It

The One-Hour Lesson That Will Change Your Life

Another Crash Course in Steamy Sensuality for Men

44. Huntresses, Have Sex with a Man as a Man Wants It

Let’s Go to the Videotape

Additional ‘Coarse’ Materials for Your Raw Sex Curriculum

45. A Quiz: Who Loves More, Men or Women?

Who Falls in Love Faster? Men!

Who Is More Idealistic About Love? Men!

Who Usually Initiates the Break-up? Women!

Who Suffers More from a Break-up? Men!

Who Loves Their Lovers More? Men!

46. Your Quarry’s Sexual Desires Are as Individual as a Thumbprint

Sex Is Like a Steak

The Number One Sexual Wish

‘Why Did He or She Lose Interest?’

‘Is This Woman Enough for Me Sexually for the Rest of My Life?’

47. Huntresses, Become a Sexual Sleuth

Let Your Quarry Know You Are a Sexual Adventurer

Uncover His Core Fantasies

Make Your Quarry Feel Safe Sharing His Deepest Desires

The Hot Purr Follow-Up

Do All Men Have a Sexual Secret?

Ask Knock-His-Socks-Off Details Questions

Huntresses, Discover His Trigger Words

Give Your Quarry Good Bed Rap

48. Hunters, Do These Techniques Work with Women?

Peel Back Her Layers and Lay Bare Her Deeper Fantasies

Love Her as She Needs to Be Loved

Magic Words to Make Her Love You

Huntresses, Relationship Trigger Words Work for You, Too

49. Finally, Snaring the Confirmed Bachelor

Why Do Jerrys Want Such Far-Out Sex?

A Walk on the Weird Side

50. On Looking at Other Women

51. The Final Stone Unturned

Afterword

Also by Leil Lowndes

Notes

About the Author

Copyright page

About the Publisher

Chapter One
Anyone? Yes,
Practically Anyone

‘I don’t understand. I’m attractive, intelligent, sensitive, accomplished. Why doesn’t he or she fall for me? Why can’t I find love?’ How many times have you beaten your fists on the pillow asking yourself this question?

You open this book sceptically, yet harbouring hope, for the solution. You read the title: How to Make Anyone Fall in Love with You.

‘That’s a big promise,’ you say. Indeed, it is. But the promise of this book is yours if you are willing to follow a scientifically sound plan to capture the heart of a Potential Love Partner.

Why, when history is strewn with broken hearts, do we now claim the means to make someone fall in love with us? Because, after centuries of resistance, science is finally unravelling what romantic love actually is, what triggers it, what kills it, and what makes it last.

Just as ancient tribesmen saw an eclipse and thought it was black magic, we looked at love and thought it was enchantment. Sometimes, especially during those first blissful moments when we want to stop strangers on the street and cry out, ‘I’m in love!’ it may feel like enchantment, but, as we enter the 21st century, we are discovering that love is a definable and calculated blend of chemistry, biology and psychology. (And, well, maybe a little black magic thrown in.)

As science sets sail in previously unknown seas, we are at last beginning to understand the rudiments of that ‘most insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions’, as George Bernard Shaw described love. And what makes people want to stay in that ‘excited, abnormal and exhausting condition continuously until death do them part’? The question, and the quandary, of ‘Precisely what is love?’ is not new. It is one that has been given serious consideration throughout the ages by cerebral heavyweights like Plato, Sigmund Freud and Charlie Brown.

In the darkened Broadway theatre in 1950, the audiences of South Pacific were in total harmony with Ezio Pinza when he pondered, ‘Who can explain it? Who can tell you why? Fools give you reasons. Wise men never try.’ Well, recently, many wise men and women have tried, and succeeded. Don’t blame Rodgers and Hammerstein. When they were composing romantic musicals, the scientific community was as perplexed about love as Nellie and Emile de Bacque singing their bewilderment about some enchanted evening.

Science ‘Discovers’ Sex

Long before Sigmund Freud tackled the subject, analytical scientific minds agreed that love was basic to the human experience. But their rational brains also deemed that evaluating, classifying and defining romantic love was impossible and therefore a waste of time and money. Freud went to his deathbed declaring, ‘We really know very little about love.’

His dying words remained the scientific doctrine. At least until the early 1970s when a pioneer-spirited band of social psychologists took up the scientists’ constant cries of ‘why?’ and ‘how?’ They began asking themselves – and everybody they could lure into their laboratories – questions about romantic love.

Two women psychologists made a breakthrough by inadvertently focusing the attention of the modern press on the ancient question of ‘What is love?’ Ellen Berscheid, PhD, with a colleague, Elaine Hatfield, managed to wangle an $84,000 federal grant to study romantic love. Berscheid convinced the National Science Foundation to open its coffers by declaring, ‘We already understand the mating habits of the stickleback fish. It is time to turn to a new species.’

Berscheid’s study, like others before, might have gone unnoticed and unpublished, except for a dozen or so pages in an obscure professional journal. Fortunately for love-seekers everywhere, one morning on Capitol Hill former United States Senator William Proxmire of Wisconsin was going through his papers. Buried deep in the pile was the NSF’S frivolous grant to two women to study relationships.

Proxmire hit the dome! Eighty-four thousand dollars to study what? He dashed off an explosive press release announcement that romantic love was not a science and, furthermore, he roared, ‘National Science Foundation, get out of the love racket. Leave that to Elizabeth Barrett Browning and Irving Berlin.’ Proxmire then added a personal note: ‘I’m also against it because I don’t want the answer.’ He assumed everyone felt the same. How wrong he was!

Proxmire’s reaction set off an international firestorm that raged around Berscheid for the next two years. ‘Extra! Extra! Read all about it. National Science Foundation Tackles Love!’ Newspapers had a field day. Cameras and microphones zeroed in on Berscheid with gusto. The quiet researcher’s office was swamped with mail.

Proxmire’s potshot at love had backfired. Instead of putting an end to the ‘frivolous pursuit’, his brouhaha generated tempestuous interest in the study of love. James Reston of the New York Times declared that if Berscheid et al could find ‘the answer to our pattern of romantic love, marriage, disillusion, divorce – and the children left behind – it would be the best investment of federal money since Jefferson made the Louisiana Purchase’.

It was as though Ellen Berscheid had pulled her finger out of the dyke. Ever since, there has been a torrent of studies scrutinizing every aspect of love. Respected social scientists with names like Foa, Murstein, Dion, Aron, Rubin and many others relatively unknown outside the scientific world have given us an as-yet-unopened gift – a gift we will unwrap now: the results of their labours, their studies, teach us (although that was not their purpose) how to make somebody fall in love.

Granted, some of the studies do not guide us directly to that goal. To find the relevant studies, I had to comb through hundreds of scientific probings with cumbersome titles such as ‘The Implications of Exchange Orientation on the Dyadic Functioning of Heterosexual Cohabitors’. (What?) Some studies had mice listening to classical music, then jazz and blues, to see which made them hornier.¹ Other studies which were worthless to our goal explored sexual attraction to corpses,² and then there were studies on tantric motionless intercourse,³ which, I assumed, works only when a couple’s honeymoon cruise ship hits rocky seas.

Happily, many studies bore tastier and more practical fruit. Especially helpful were studies by an intrepid researcher named Timothy Perper, a PhD student who spent many hours observing subjects in his favourite laboratory, called a ‘singles’ bar’. We also benefit from brilliant examinations by Robert Sternberg and his colleagues who explored theories of love. We learn from insightful early explorations into the elements of infatuation by Dorothy Tennov and others. There were courageous, if relatively unknown, researchers like Carol Ronai. She actually took a job as a table dancer in a topless bar to record what facial expressions turn men on.⁴

How More Research Was Compiled

My own first-hand research, although less daring, was no less vigorous. For more than ten years, before becoming a communications consultant and trainer, I was director of a research group I founded called The Project.

The Project was a New York City-based not-for-profit corporation established to explore sexuality and relationships. During my tenure with The Project, I interviewed and catalogued thousands of subjects on what they sought in a partner. I gathered information from the students at the dozens of universities where I was invited to speak on my research.

Like the work of researcher Ellen Berscheid, The Project experienced an unsought avalanche of attention which brought it to national attention. A Time magazine reporter covered one of our sessions and wrote a full-page article declaring ‘Sex Fantasy Goes to Broadway’, which, indeed, it did.

One arm of The Project had volunteers presenting psychodramatizations of their actual love fantasies on stage. Because there was no nudity and no explicit language, the squeaky-clean dramatizations were unique and caught the attention of the three major television networks, which presented excerpts of the vignettes on national programmes. This, in turn, spawned dozens of articles in respected mainstream publications in America and Europe.

As a result, people from all over the world sent us their stories, their fantasies, their longings for love. They called or wrote to The Project detailing precisely what they sought in a romantic partner. Most of the letters and calls we received were prefaced with comments like, ‘I’ve never told anyone but …’ The callers and writers then proceeded to divulge their deepest desires to the anonymous Project. We listened, gratefully, as we gathered data on what made, or would make, people fall in love.

How the Techniques Were Developed

Let us leave the world of sexuality for a moment. Come with me to my second discipline, the field of communications. It is here I take the findings and turn them into workable techniques to make someone fall in love with you.

It has been proved beyond any doubt that there are ways to induce desired behaviour from people. If there were not, all psychologists and thousands of corporate trainers, myself included, would be out of business. There are established methods for invoking various emotions and for changing people’s behaviour. For example, we can learn how to deal with difficult people or how to make troublesome employees respond in the desired way.

Feedback from seminars I have presented for government organizations, universities, professional associations and corporations convinces me that we can indeed effect changes in behaviour patterns. We accomplish this complex task by first understanding people’s basic needs and motivations, then by employing the right verbal and non-verbal skills to modify their behaviour.

That is what I do in this book. Drawing from the scientific studies, I reveal the basic needs and motivations that make someone fall in love. Then I give you the right verbal and non-verbal skills to induce the behaviour you want – in this case, to make that person fall in love with you.

This book is the result of many years of research and exploration into several disciplines: interpersonal relationships, human sexuality, communication skills and gender differences. We not only draw from scientific studies into the nature of love and from my personal research, but we also benefit from the work of modern therapists and communications analysts. I am especially grateful for the work of sociolinguist Deborah Tannen⁵ and the clever Mars/Venus analogies of therapist John Gray,⁶ who made it common knowledge that men and women have vastly different styles of thinking and communicating.

What is the recipe for making someone fall in love with you? Can it be reduced to a formula? The following sounds simple, but it is actually quite complicated.

You start with a solid scientific base of what makes up interpersonal attraction. Then you gather profound information about your Quarry (the person you want to make fall in love with you). Next, you employ sophisticated, often subliminal, communication techniques to meet his or her conscious and subconscious needs. Finally, you secure your Quarry with your spicy perception of precisely what he or she wants sexually. There you have it: the formula for making a Potential Love Partner fall in love with you.