Billy. Going where darkness fears to tread…

Chapter Eleven
“The Apostle of Girangar”

He stepped through the swirling mist, aware that at any time he must be prepared to act and act quickly. A large rock face became visible in the gloom. Sheltering under a minuscule overhang was the seven of them, huddled together. Their faces reflected mortal fear. There were five men and two women, well perhaps three men and two boys. The women were teenagers themselves. They stood arms around each other for warmth and protection, the act of physical contact salvaging what little semblance of sanity remained. A glimmer of hope shone in some eyes as they saw him approach, confidently stepping through the mire and obviously heading toward them. Salvation! They had been found! Their confidence was boosted by his sudden, soundless appearance.

“Ho” he called to them.

“It’s just a boy,” one of them whispered, one who was barely older himself. “Can you help us?” he said as the figure stopped directly in front of them. The boy that spoke had a comforting arm around one of the girls.

The figure smiled a happy and confident smile and nodded. “I surely can, I surely can. Which one of you is Errol?” he asked looking directly at one of the men.

“That’s me,” Errol acknowledged, a considerable vibrato betrayed his fear.

“Errol, come here,” the boy motioned to a position beside him. Errol stood his ground, looking at the others for support, any support. “Come on Errol, I won’t bite, I promise,” the boy grinned.

Errol slowly detached himself from the group and moved forward. A hand reluctantly released his shirt. His steps were slow and his body trembled. He faced the boy but turned side on so that he could still see the others. The boy appeared to ignore him as he addressed them all again, but to his horror Errol recognized that it was a question meant for he, and he alone to answer. He glanced sharply at the kid.

“How much did you drink tonight?”

“I didn’t, only, had a couple,” he shook even more, the pitch of his voice almost a squeal.

“Try seventeen,” the boy smiled at the group again. “And your two mates there weren’t much better. How did it feel driving with a blood alcohol concentration so high that you could have been considered clinically dead?”

“I, I didn’t, couldn’t …,” Errol turned and addressed the group himself, pleading almost.

“You could and you did,” the boy interrupted conversationally. “And how did it feel when you launched your car off the median strip at seventy-five miles an hour? Did that feel like flying!”

“No, no, I wasn’t…”

“You were, you were flying, and your car still hadn’t hit the ground when it struck these kids standing innocently at a taxi rank. Do you know they had just been out celebrating Julies’, ” he pointed at one of the girls, “sixteenth birthday? You killed them Errol, and your mates, and there is another six people still in hospital because of you Errol. Look at them,” he commanded, as Errol let his chin slump to his chest. “LOOK AT THEM!”

Errol raised his head at the shouted command. He tried to stare defiantly but failed. Everybody stared back, their hate smoldering. One of the other men spoke.

“We’re dead? “Coz of him? We’re dead?”

“Yup!”

“You was drinkin’ just as much as me,” Errol shouted.

“That’s a lie. After I got to the pub, yeah, true, I had three or four, just like you did, but you’d already been there for a couple of hours, and I wasn’t driving,” he responded accusingly. “Seventeen schooners Errol? Man, I knew you drank a bit, but seventeen? You got a real problem.”

“You all have a problem. He killed you all, just as if he’d gone out and bought a gun and shot you down, he killed you. You ALL have a problem now. So what you gonna do about it?”

The boys’ invitation elicited some confused looks and one of the girls, the other girl beside Julie spoke. “Why can’t I cry?”

“Because of him,” he nodded at Errol who now stood hands on hips, defensive, face set. One of his legs still trembled though. “He killed you and now you can’t cry. You can’t cry and you can’t love, but you can hate and you can wreak revenge. So what are you gonna do about it? I said what are you going to do about it?”

There was a pause of a few seconds, then one of the men growled out an oath. “You barstard” and he leapt, smashing Errol to the ground in a flying tackle.

The rest followed, jumping, kicking, punching, even the girls flailed into the melee. Their terror and fear released, there was satisfaction when their nails connected with a face, and not a care about whose face it was! The boy smiled, turned and walked away. He heard Errol utter his last screams of protest, and then the desperate screams of the others as the darkness descended. With the darkness came the lights, many, perhaps hundreds of them. Panic turned to horror as they were set upon. He heard Julie, the sixteen year old, and her final pitiful scream. He imagined the creatures as they consumed her young body. It was a shame; she was pretty and about his age.

“Don’t think like that,” a voice beside him spoke and an arm draped over his shoulders.

The boy didn’t jump. He didn’t even look in the direction of the speaker. He continued to stride confidently down the sloping, wet and broken ground before him.

“How’d I go?”

“You did well, very well. But next time, be more careful about when you invite them to react. You may have to incite them a little more first, but it worked, this time. Girangar was pleased.”

“So he should.”

The boy was stopped by the arm, which grasped at the collar of his cardigan and turned him to face the speaker. “Shhh. Girangar is not a he, nor a she. Refrain from applying gender, or any human title to Girangar.”

The boy looked into the normally smiling face of the speaker, but there was no smile. The speaker was deadly serious, and a little frightened. He had never, ever seen that before in this man.

“Then what do I call, it, him, just Girangar? What is, who is Girangar?”

The smile returned with the man’s reply. “Girangar is everything, the earth, the ocean, the rivers, the mountains, the only true misanthropist.”

“Miss who? I thought you said there was no gender?”

Again, the fear returned. “Shh. You mustn’t. Misanthropist, a true hater of mankind. Now, speak no more. Go back and we will continue your training later.”

“How am I doing?”

“Excellent. Just watch your mouth.”

“When can I come in, you know, go back?”

“You are doing very well but it has only been a year. We shall see.”

“How long does it normally take, this training?”

“For some, a matter of weeks, months, but they are the failures and they are passed on. Normal? Well, there is no normal because there has been so few, but I believe that you should be ready in another three or four year’s maybe. It is but yet early days. Now, no more. Go.”

“Just one more question, please?”

The man smiled. The curiosity of the boy, his maturity, these were the things that were making him a brilliant student – not that he would ever be told that. “Okay, one more question.”

“Why do I have to hide? Why can’t I just be me?”

“That’s two questions. And you know the answer to them both. It’s the element of surprise. Don’t worry, you will understand, by the time it’s necessary for you to know.”

“You don’t know do you?”

“Enough! Go!” And there was no smile in return.

“Really, seriously, I have a last question. Why did you say don’t think that way about the girl?”

“Because it isn’t necessary. When you return to Life and begin again, you will have a girl, or as many girls as you want. They will be at your beck and call, they will all want you, they will see that you are different, unique. But there will be one, a special one that you will want rather than any number of others, and she will look after you. She has been trained to look after you – and she waits for you now.”

“How will I know her?”

“You will know her. She will know you. Don’t worry, you have been fated to meet. It will happen.”

“Can’t wait,” the boy shrugged and moved on.

Chapter Twelve
“Living With Tony”

Billy always knew that Tony was resilient. He’s one in a million. He was on a hiding to nowhere really. He sees Billy for the first time in over four years and accepts him back as if he’d only gone yesterday. Four years without a phone call, a letter or any other bloody thing, and there were no recriminations, no aggro, nothing but acceptance. It was almost the welcoming back of the prodigal son and that’s probably what stopped Billy from going off again after the shock about Jen. Billy felt obligated to stay.

Perhaps before, when he really was a fifteen-year-old kid, Billy wouldn’t have felt the same. Coming to terms with the fact that he was suddenly a twenty year old, an adult, he knew there was a certain way adults are supposed to act. His composure and maturity as a teen stood him in good stead.

Apart from the obvious, like the Ten Commandments, there are the unwritten rules of Life that most people follow and try to engender into their offspring. Not that Billy learnt much like that from his parents. Excuses, excuses, fucking wimp. This moron couldn’t find his way to his own shithouse if he had the worst case of diarrhea imaginable. It’s all bullshit. Yes, bullshit! Duran is the Angel and Girangar will lead us to the new world. So stick your fucking heads down between your knees and kiss your arse goodbye, because we’re coming to get you. And we will. You can’t hide, so there’s no need to panic. Just go. That’s right, go. Ha, go fuck yourself!

Tony was a true friend. After dropping the bombshell about Jen he helped pick Billy up and put him on the road to recovery, so to speak. More or less, that’s what he did. He took Billy home with him, set up the spare bed in his room and that’s where Billy lived from then on. Tony’s parents were cool about it, they were pretty laid back sort of people. They’d always liked Billy and his steadying influence on Tony. Especially after the debacle with their eldest son, who had served his prison term for drug dealing only to get out and re-offend within two weeks, while he was still on probation! Once a fool always a fool, eh!

Tony’s parents even rang the Gold Coast Police and made sure that everything was hunky dory with them, that Billy wasn’t actually wanted for anything. The gist of their response was that a missing person case was the last thing they were worried about, and seeing as he was no longer in Queensland it was out of their jurisdiction anyway. Billy hadn’t expected to make the Top 10 Wanted List or anything but he had been hoping for maybe a couple of answers. At least he was in the clear so to speak.

It took a fair while to get over the shock of Jen. Tony couldn’t understand. It had been four years for him, but only four months for Billy. Billy and Jen had truthfully believed, like so many fifteen year olds do, that they had been meant for each other.

Billy learnt the hard way to embrace and recognise fate otherwise Life is a constant compromise. He knew his Life was different, that he was different. He had grown up alone with that knowledge. Alone except for the guys from the other side. He supposed he was a hypocrite because of what he did, leaving Jen and his Mum. But he felt he hadn’t left them, just went away for a short time to grieve and recuperate. His intention had always been to return. He really believed that she would be there waiting when he came back. He missed her. He continued to grieve for her.

He felt guilty too. If he hadn’t gone away maybe she would be alive today. Billy thought of this often. If that was her fate, to die horribly like that, perhaps that could have been him, you know, the guy with Jen that got decapitated? But Billy knew it wasn’t so.

Billy only knew his destiny did not lie in Life. It wasn’t apparent to him how he knew, he just did. He had to live his Life first to find out. He lay in some sort of middle zone, the only one there that anybody knew about anyway. He was both alive, and not. He is neither here nor over there. He can go here, and there – whenever he liked! But he had to finish his business here before he can find out what is there. Billy was a kid when he began shouldering that knowledge, and to have remained relatively normal to those around him was testimony to his insight and ability. He’s not a kid anymore, or normal. But he was when he digested that much about himself. And as for normal, well, that’s for each individual to decide.

So here he is living with Tony and his parents now. It’s been several weeks and Billy still feels so hollow inside. It’s the most “human’ he’d ever felt. Thankfully, the involuntary tears and sobbing had all but disappeared. He had found that embarrassing after awhile. Jen had been the only one to ever see him cry before and that time had been from happiness. Billy learnt a lot about emotion from the past few weeks, that’s for sure. He had felt and observed enough before so that he could have known, but the grief about his Dad was nothing compared to this. Even having seen more death than anybody can ever imagine. Seen it every single bloody day, almost every minute of every frigging day in fact, in the presence of the transits. But now it was up close and personal, he knew what it really felt like. And wished he hadn’t found out.

Billy soldiered on and Tony got him going to the jam sessions again. They all wanted him to actually sing in the band. In the back of his mind though was his one and only public performance, with Mr Cocker no less. He still thought if he hadn’t gone there, to the Top Pub that night, or to tennis, or Tonys’, or to the drive in, that he might have been able to save his Dads’ Life. And because it was his Dad, family, blood, maybe he could have done something that time.

A minor “problem’ at home was that Billy’s Mum and Dad knew about him and some of his abilities. His Mum accepted it, recognised it for what it was and let him be, but his Dad, no way! To his Dad Billy was a freak and he refused to accept it. Billy even stood in front of him one night and went off then came back, right before his very eyes, which isn’t a bad trick for a four year old! He tried to convince him for so long, even telling him about events to come, sad events, and they always came true but still he refused to listen or accept. What he did do though was to start sitting in front of that television as his escape from his spooky kid. Everyone must learn to accept Reality, and to make the most of whatever fate deals you. Billy knew that very few made it. His Dad didn’t.

Billy and Tony lived in a little town about ten kilometres south of Ballina named Wardell. So he and Tony were not being lazy by catching a bus to school. Billy wondered how he would have gone if he had finished school? Billy lived in town itself. Tony’s house was about half a kilometre away, just past the outskirts. Tony’s parents had a few acres they grew pineapples on which is probably where his big brother got his horticultural skills! Jen used to live on the other side of town, about two kilometres away on the back road to Lismore. Her Father bought the school bus run from Wardell to Lismore, which is how they ended up moving here.

Wardell was a tiny metropolis of about five hundred and not much else to tell about the place. It was on the river, the Richmond, and probably the biggest claim to fame was the opening bridge that spanned the river. This was smack bang in the middle of sugar cane country and the mill itself was located at Broadwater, another tiny village to the south. The bridge used to open to let bulk sugar ships up river to the mill, and back out again of course to the river mouth at Ballina. Wardell had a service station (a BP), one general store and a community hall, the obligatory church, and as you know, tennis courts which were adjacent to the town sporting fields. All in all, it was a fairly well off little place.

The Primary School was where Tony and Billy first met though nobody could say they hit it off together. They almost always ended up in the same group of kids, eating lunch, or playing games. Tony must have seen something in Billy, as Billy eventually realised that Tony actually chose to stand beside him, and would ensure he was on the same side when they played sport. Once, Billy even did the normal kid thing and pushed him away.

“Why you always gotta be on my side?”

“‘coz your side always wins,” he’d replied.

Billy couldn’t argue with that. He knew Tony was right too. They didn’t always win just because Billy was a brilliant sportsman. To Tony though, Billy was the common denominator, always in the right place or in the case of school sports, on the right side. Billy never let on that he picked where he wanted to be for similar reasons. Same logic, different method was all. Billy could see the attitude of the kids involved and where he could, always picked the more positive ones. And then there was the transit population. Some of the, supporters you could call them, the guys from over there, were distinctly competition crazy. They always wanted to see their little ones on the winning side. The other guys, they used to get right in there, making the unheard suggestions into their kids’ head, or doing what they could to steer bat, racquet, ball or whatever equipment happened to be in use for that particular game.

Most people have a recollection from school of pulling off a miraculous move while playing some game, making an impossible shot, spelling a word or solving some math problem they really had no idea about. On the sideline of a kids’ footy game, parents have seen their kid or someone else on the field complete an incredible smashing tackle, or score an amazing goal. And they thought about then that the kid would go on to represent his country or something, especially if it was their own kid! Sorry to fuck up your dreams but it weren’t them that did it. They were just in the right place at the right time. Yep, it was the guys from over there. So little Johnny was probably just average. Those are the facts and Billy knew, could see it. That’s exactly what they saw, an illusion, one carried out by the best magicians in the world, or not, as the case may be!

Billy valued his friendship with Tony almost more than Life itself. He is his best friend, and at this time, his only friend.

Chapter Thirteen
“Tony Finds Out”

Living with his parents for fifteen years had meant they shared the knowledge of Billy’s abilities, grudgingly or otherwise. Not all of it of course. Billy couldn’t and didn’t try to explain everything, and they probably wouldn’t have believed some of it anyway. Like the existence of Over There or the other guys for example. His earliest explanations were met with blank looks, and more visits to doctors and specialists.

Tony had gone through nearly ten years of that same period with Billy, yet he knew nothing, nothing at all. He alluded to it a little when he sided with Billy all the time through primary school, but his distaste of sport saw it rarely happen again in high school.

Billy was becoming comfortable at Tony’s place sharing his room. He began to think about telling him some of it. If he accepted it with his typical laid back aplomb then Billy could have more freedom to do what he want, when he wanted. He had plenty of time to himself already. Tony worked during the week, and the band played at least a couple of gigs a week as well. But Billy still wanted to utilise his time when it suited him, not just because Tony wasn’t go to be around. Besides, he reasoned, it would give him someone to talk to about where he went, what he saw, and what he did. That was going to have been with Jen.

The decision of what and when to tell him was taken out of Billy’s hands. It must have been Tony’s fate to find out, part of his road to whatever destiny he was heading toward. And it happened by accident… literally.

It was a Saturday night, raining, late winter, or early spring. Tony had just finished a gig in Ballina. After Tony missed out with the girls, (even groupies don’t appreciate “you wanna fuck?” as an introduction!), he and Billy headed to the main street, River Street, to grab pizza. They walked side by side, Tony still pumped from performing. When they reached the main street Billy glanced up and down, and seeing no traffic close enough to worry about, began to cross… as you do when the pizza shop is on the other side! They stepped off the gutter and Tony dropped a step or two behind. All Billy heard was the yell.

“Billy! Fuck! Look out man!”

He looked of course – at Tony. He’d yelled and Billy wanted to see what he was yelling about. Being a composed sort of character Billy rarely got overly excited but looking at Tony’s face then and there, he knew straight away he was in trouble. He heard the noise at about that time too, the screeching noise of locked up tyres on wet bitumen. It’s a funny noise that, a futile kind of noise. The tyres want to stop and so does the driver, but the water and the bitumen, well they’re saying “nah, get outta the way, we’re coming through!” Billy spun around and saw the bonnet of that old Holden. It was less than two feet away from smattering his brain matter all over River Street. He did the only thing he could do, while staring at death approaching in all its chrome-nose-down-tyres-locked-up-sliding grace… he moved on! Anyone other than Billy would have been killed or very seriously injured, that’s for sure. Billy didn’t want to experience that kind of pain.

He only moved about six feet or so and stood beside Tony, watching the old Holden slither sideways. The driver was attempting recovery action after realising he’d missed Billy, or perhaps he was still in the act of avoidance. It didn’t matter as the vehicle was out of control. That Holden, wow! It slid sideways and across the road before hitting the gutter broadside. Momentum made it roll on its side and onto the footpath, and then almost in slow motion, it teetered, and rolled onto its roof. It spun lazily before its chrome nose shattered the front window of the pizza parlour Billy and Tony had been heading toward.

Billy looked at Tony. He was still looking at the road, where Billy had been. He stood there, mouth and eyes wide open. Billy could see raindrops hitting his tongue and eyeballs, and not even once did he appear to flinch! Billy reached out and touched him lightly on the shoulder.

“Tony? Mate?”

Like the Holdens final roll in graphic slow motion, Tony turned his head, eyes and mouth still wide open to the elements. When he focussed on Billy he blinked, just once. His mouth snapped shut and he jumped about four feet backwards, without even bending his knees! It made Billy think that he was more athletic than he’d be giving him credit for. Tony looked at Billy, back at the Holden, and back to Billy again. He tried to speak.

“Gnn, rrr, nnngil,” Billy thought he heard.

It’s hard to talk when your mouth won’t open and your lips and tongue won’t move. Billy wasn’t sure if that was Tonys’ problem or maybe it was simply getting his brain back into gear. He tried to act normal.

“C’mon, we’ve gotta get out of here,” Billy urged.

More unintelligible mutterings emerged.

“Yeah I know mate. But we gotta go. C’mon, and I’ll tell you about it, just not here. C’mon!”

Billy added desperation into his tone when all he really wanted to do was laugh. He didn’t think Tony would take that too well. Tony finally took a step but it was painfully slow. Billy reached forward and grabbed him on the arm. You’d have thought he’d been stuck with a hot poker or something, because he jumped again, not as far as before but enough that Billy had to step after him to get a hold. At least his feet moved and Billy was able to pull him along fairly easily. They ducked around the corner and Billy looked back at the Holden. The pizza staff was helping the driver out, so he was okay. All they might have seen, apart from that Holden showing up through their shop window, would have been a couple of guys across the road. That Holden driver was going to have fun explaining this one. If he’d been drinking at all, Billy thought it would serve him right.

He got Tony back to the hall without problem. It was almost deserted. One of the band members and his girlfriend were still there packing the last of his gear. They were the only ones there and ignored the dripping pair. Billy pulled Tony over to a corner and put a finger to his mouth to signify he didn’t want him to speak. Tony’s eyes were like saucers still.

“Shhh, not a word until Kurt and Kate have gone. Understand? Nod.”

Tony nodded. He stood like a statue and his eyes followed Billy’s every movement. Billy was beginning to feel a worried. He had hoped to hear an intelligible word out him before this. He watched and then waved as Kurt and Kate left a couple of minutes later.

“Are you okay?” he asked Tony.

“Fuckin’ hell man!” He still didn’t blink, but Billy was happy to hear that his vocal ability was back, even if it hadn’t improved. “Jees arse fucking shit! What, how, man? Gotta sit.”

It was like all Tony’s energy had evaporated, so Billy hurriedly looked around and turned to lead him toward the stage. But Tony had already sat, plonked down onto the floor where he’d been standing and right into the puddle from his saturated clothes. His head tilted back so he could still look at Billy with unblinking eyes. Billy looked at him and shrugged, then sat too, leaning back against the wall. He felt the immediate puddle of his own forming around him.

“Yes. You did see it,” Billy told him. “But what did you see? Tony?”

Finally, Tony blinked, against just the once. “You, you, you just, just disappeared. Car, hit you. Disappear.”

“Yes, and you warned me mate. Thankyou.” He reached out, offering a handshake. Tony looked at the hand, and Billy saw him literally will his own up to take it. Tony’s palm was cold and wet, from fear or excitement or just from the rain, Billy wasn’t so sure. But at least he didn’t jump at the touch this time. “You were never meant to find out anything, but I guess now you do. Do you want to know more, or not?”

Tony looked back blankly, firstly shaking his head, and then nodding. “Yeah, yeah, I guess so, I dunno.”

“Tony, you are my mate. My best friend. My best ever friend. And always have been. You tell me mate, if you want to know I’ll tell you what I can. If you don’t, it’ll be ‘mum’ between us and never mentioned again. You tell me mate?”

“You, Billy, I was watching. That car was gonna hit you, I, couldn’t do anything, no time, and you, just, disappeared man. How, how did you do that?”

“I don’t know how, I can just do it. Always have been able to. Used to drive Mum and Dad nuts it did!” Billy laughed, but Tony’s face remained stony. “Yeah, Mum and Dad knew but they kept it to themselves, and so do I. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

Tony nodded again. Billy realised suddenly that he didn’t have to tell him anything at all, apart from explaining what he had just witnessed. In itself it was miracle enough. He thought Tony probably wouldn’t believe, understand or be able to cope with the whole truth anyway. He decided immediately to let him believe what he wanted, after all, it isn’t every day that you find out your best friend can disappear at will.

“And before you ask, yeah, I did peek once in the girls change room, but I haven’t done that, or anything else like it in a long time!”

Tony looked at him, still impassive, wide eyed, but at last Billy could see humour reflecting back now. Before, his eyes had looked almost dead.

“Get away?” he said. “When was the last time?” He was back alright!

“First form, at High School. It got boring, and dangerous, and I didn’t want to get caught. So I don’t do it anymore.”

“Bullshit man. How can seein’ naked babes be boring?”

“Believe me, it did!” Billy lied, “but I didn’t want to get caught. Like I said, I don’t want anybody else to know, remember?”

And so it was out. Tony now knew something that no mortal had known before and Billy was confident his trust was not misplaced. From then on, everything returned to relative normalcy. Tony made Billy do it for him a few times, and Billy never let on that he could actually stay away, and stay, well, invisible. Tony merely thought he disappeared and reappeared somewhere else, instantaneously. It worked out well even if it wasn’t exactly what Billy had wanted. But at least now he could just go away without having to worry about whether Tony was there or not, and that had been the ultimate aim.

Tony asked more questions but he was a laid back lad, just like his parents. Billy told him he could only go a very short distance, and baffled him with mathematical bullshit in explaining why. If anybody else had heard those explanations they’d have laughed their heads off, and Billy knew it. Billy hadn’t been great at maths but thankfully Tony had been much worse, so when Billy started telling him about restrictions caused by light speed, coefficient of drag and the melting point of the human body, Tony sortta accepted it at face value! Little did he know that its face value was approximately zilch! Billy’s mate Tony. His best mate. His only mate.