Читать книгу: «Whole: from losing yourself to loving yourself»

Address

Dear Women,

You are the embodiment of strength, beauty, and wisdom. Your gifts are priceless and multifaceted, just like life itself. You create and inspire. Your ability to combine care, creativity, and the pursuit of success makes the world around you better. You stand at the heart of change, ideas, and progress. You possess extraordinary emotional strength.

The harmony of sensitivity and confidence enables you to support your loved ones, inspire those around you, and overcome any challenge. You are multifaceted. Your talents and abilities shine in every sphere of life—from family and nurturing to career and community. You know how to find balance even where it seems impossible. You are a source of warmth and harmony.

Your gift for creating comfort, bringing people together, and sharing love makes you irreplaceable in every home and every team. Remember, your strengths are not only what nature has given you, but also the result of your inner work, your desire to grow, and your sincerity. Every step you take, every smile you share, makes this world brighter and kinder.

Be confident in yourselves, cherish your uniqueness, and remember: you are a true force capable of transforming the world around you for the better.

With love and acceptance,

Uliana Sunny

Annotation

Women are able to face difficulties while preserving warmth, care, and love, even in the most challenging moments. They carry the power to inspire those around them, creating an atmosphere of support and belief in what is possible. They feel the world more deeply, able to understand the pain and joy of others, helping people grow and heal.

Women adapt easily to change, solving countless tasks on the go and finding balance amid chaos. They see beauty in the small things and can turn the ordinary into the extraordinary, discovering solutions where no one else sees them. They are the guardians of life—giving life not only physically, but symbolically, through the creation of comfort, harmony, and inspiration for transformation.

A tremendous force is hidden within a woman when she embraces her nature and finds confidence in her uniqueness. A woman’s strength lies in her depth, in her ability to unite power and gentleness, reason and feeling, logic and intuition, creating harmony and love around her.

Where there is love, there is a woman.

But what if love begins not with “us,” but with “me”? Not with expectations, not with trying to earn it, not with hoping that someone will one day truly see you—but with the moment you finally turn toward yourself.

“WHOLE: From Losing Yourself to Loving Yourself” is a book for women who feel that something inside them longs for more and better. This book is a path—a path of returning to yourself. There will be no rules on how to be “convenient” or “good enough,” but you will understand much. By holding this book in your hands, you are already taking the first steps toward a new life, and it will be better than the one before. Truly believe this, and everything will unfold.

Yes… Perhaps you have lost yourself in love, forgotten your desires for the sake of a relationship, feared loneliness, feared making mistakes, doubted yourself, and lost faith in who you are. For many people, the fear of making a mistake—of failing, of looking foolish—is one of the greatest barriers to growth. But it is through mistakes that experience is born, through challenges that strength emerges, and through failures that the path to genuine success is built. Perfection, fortunately, does not exist. Sincerity, courage, and the willingness to learn—these are what make a person truly remarkable.

So give yourself permission to try, even if it’s frightening and even if things don’t work out the first time. You know, habits and discipline turn a dream into a goal, and a goal into a result. Want change? Start small. Simple actions carry tremendous power—they build confidence and a sense of control. Remember: every step you take is a brick in the foundation of your future. You have only today, and it is up to you whether this day becomes just another link in the chain of routine—or a step toward a brighter, fuller life.

What kind of actions? Keep reading…

If you’ve lost faith in yourself, it’s only temporary. Everyone experiences moments of struggle. Think of your victories, of how you’ve already overcome challenges before. And if you compare yourself to others—stop. Everyone has their own path. Social media shows only success, but behind it lie obstacles. That is why it is important to focus on your own growth. Do something simple but meaningful for yourself: exercise, start learning a foreign language, complete a task you’ve been putting off. Small victories accumulate and build confidence.

Speak to yourself with kindness—replace self-criticism with support. Instead of “I can’t,” say “I’ll try,” “I’m learning,” “I will find a way.” Remember: mistakes are part of our growth. Every successful person has failed. Those moments teach us and make us stronger. What matters is not the failure itself, but how you respond to it. Surround yourself with support—talk to those who believe in you: friends, family, mentors. Their faith may help you see yourself differently. Many experienced psychologists believe this is one of the most powerful forms of healing. And allow yourself rest—a break, a pause, a vacation. Sometimes the loss of confidence is simply a sign of exhaustion. Rest, reconnect with joy, and act despite fear. Don’t wait for confidence—it comes through action. Move forward, even if the steps are small. You are stronger than you think.

If you are still reading these lines, it means something inside you has responded. You are not simply curious—you feel, you understand, you recognize the truth in these words. And at the same time, like any woman, you need guidance. Someone or something to remind you, affirm you, inspire you. Sometimes all we need is one word, one phrase to ignite a spark within. Sometimes a story that touches the heart. Sometimes a quiet but steady voice saying, “You are on the right path.”

This book will be that voice for you. Here, you will gather strength, discover new insights, and gain experience—all so that you can take one step closer to the woman you truly are.

“WHOLE: From Losing Yourself to Loving Yourself” is a book about returning to yourself and learning to love who you are. This is the only path to what is real, and it is where everything begins. You can start your journey right now.

First, remember this: in perfect conditions there is no room for growth. Where everything is predictable and safe, there is no impulse to seek new horizons. Life’s changes—no matter how unexpected or difficult they may seem—are actually an invitation to rise to a new level. And right here, at this very point, you have a choice. We will talk about choice later.

For now, read about why we grow tired of love—and a little about me.

Wishing you a meaningful and enriching reading experience.

Why We Grow Tired of Love

Love. Perhaps there is no other word in the world that carries so many hopes, fears, illusions, and wounds all at once.

We grow up believing that one day it will change everything. That He will appear—and life will suddenly become easy. He will understand without words, fill the inner emptiness, heal the wounds, solve the problems. And finally, you will be “happy ever after.”

But if that is so… why is there so much exhaustion from love?

Why do women—sensitive, intelligent, strong—sit across from a psychologist and quietly say: “I don’t want this anymore. I don’t believe. I can’t.”

Why do those who know how to love end up in relationships where they are unseen? Why do we so often love those who cannot give us the one thing we truly need—presence, honesty, safety?

Because we love from pain, not from fullness.

We grow tired of love when we give more than we receive—and fear asking for what we need.

We fear being abandoned and settle for less.

We believe love must be earned and lose ourselves in the attempt to be “enough.”

We choose the wrong people, yet hope again and again that this time we won’t be disappointed.

But love is not meant to be a battlefield.

Love can be a home.

But first, you must become a home for yourself.

Keep reading…

Emotional Fatigue From Love Is Real

It arises from a complex mix of psychological, physiological, and social factors. Here are the main reasons why we grow tired of love:

1. Psychological and Emotional Reasons

Emotional roller coasters

Love is not only joy and euphoria. It is also jealousy, fear of losing, hurt, disappointment, and conflict. Constant emotional swings drain mental energy and eventually lead to burnout.

High expectations and pressure

We often enter relationships with an idealized image of “perfect love” shaped by movies and books. When reality turns out to be more complicated—when a partner doesn’t read our mind or daily life brings conflicts—we feel disappointed. The pressure to be an “ideal couple” and to constantly live up to each other’s expectations becomes exhausting.

Losing yourself

In the early stage of infatuation, people often dissolve into each other, pushing aside their interests, hobbies, and friends. Over time, this creates imbalance. The person realizes they are no longer themselves—and this brings deep fatigue and a sense of loss.

Unresolved conflicts and stored resentment

When partners don’t know how to discuss problems constructively, resentment accumulates like a snowball. Unspoken irritation requires constant inner suppression—an enormous emotional effort. This is called emotional labor.

The “rescuer” syndrome

When one partner constantly carries the relationship, solves every problem, and supports the other who has taken the role of “victim,” the “rescuer” quickly burns out.

2. Physiological and Biochemical Reasons

The end of “chemical infatuation”

At the beginning of love, the brain releases a cocktail of hormones—dopamine (pleasure and anticipation), oxytocin (bonding and trust), and norepinephrine (euphoria and racing heartbeat). After 1.5–3 years, this hormonal surge naturally declines. Calm attachment replaces passion.

This calmness is often mistaken for “exhaustion” or “loss of love,” though in reality, the relationship is simply entering a more mature phase.

Literal physical exhaustion

Constant stress, sleepless nights due to conflict, and high cortisol levels drain the body. It is impossible for the body to stay in a constant state of tension.

3. Social and Everyday Reasons

Routine and everyday life

Romance often gets overshadowed by daily responsibilities—bills, chores, repairs, raising children. The partner becomes less a source of passion and more a teammate in the “project called life.”

Lack of personal space

When two people spend all their time together without solitude, it creates a feeling of being trapped. A lack of healthy boundaries leads directly to emotional fatigue.

External stresses

Work problems, financial pressures, illness in the family—all fall heavily on a couple. If partners don’t support each other and instead unload their stress on one another, the relationship becomes yet another source of tension instead of a refuge.

What Can You Do About It?

If you or your partner feel tired of love, it’s a sign that something in the relationship needs attention.

1. Talk openly

Share your feelings honestly and without blame.

2. Reclaim personal space

Return to your hobbies. Meet friends. A bit of distance often reignites connection.

3. Introduce novelty

Routine destroys passion. Try doing something new together—travel, sports, a workshop, a course.

4. Learn to rest from each other

This does not mean conflict. It means giving each other space to breathe without guilt.

5. Seek a psychologist

A specialist can help uncover deeper causes and teach healthier ways of resolving conflict.

In the end, we don’t grow tired of love itself.

We grow tired of the challenges that accompany it:

of working on the relationship,

of unrealistic expectations,

of fighting with ourselves and our partner.

Real, mature love is not always passion and euphoria.

More often, it is a calm, conscious choice to be together—

a choice that requires effort

but brings a deeper sense of safety, connection, and support.

**About Me

Learning Not to Suffer**

My name is Uliana Sunny, and my journey has always been—and still remains—both fascinating and thorny. At times difficult, at times light. The book you are holding was born from my life experience, from the inner feminine energy passed down to me through my mother and grandmother, from years of conscious growth, self-searching, and honest encounters with myself.

“Why Sunny?” you may ask.

Because I truly radiate light—toward myself and toward my surroundings. My element is fire. My zodiac sign is Leo. My Soul Number and Destiny Number are both One. The Sun governs me twice. And the lives of people who cross paths with mine inevitably change for the better. Those who share space with me begin to think wider, feel deeper, and see farther—thanks to our conversations and, perhaps, our friendship.

Stay here with me, and your life will begin to change too. Trust me.

… I know what it feels like to try to be convenient, understandable, “suitable” in relationships—and still end up with emptiness inside. I’ve lived through this more than once, and each time I found my way back to myself. Not instantly, but step by step—toward truth, toward my real self. I grew, evolved, changed on the inside and outside, gaining knowledge, experience, and an unshakable foundation.

It took time to understand one simple truth:

you don’t have to become someone else to be loved.

You don’t need to earn love.

You are already worthy of it.

The world is full of women who have proven: everything is possible—to be a leader, a mother, a teacher, an artist, an engineer, a politician, or simply a happy person.

We have no limits—except the ones we place on ourselves.

Life taught me not to listen to those who try to confine or diminish. Believing in myself, I know I have everything I need to make this world better—starting with myself. Tenderness, strength, imagination, practicality, courage, and caution—this unique combination makes us, as women, capable not only of achieving but also inspiring, trying, falling, rising again.

Today I can say it with confidence:

I am Uliana, I am 36, and I am WHOLE.

Yes, I am a woman who searched for herself in life and in love, dissolved, got lost, stayed silent when I wanted to scream or cry. But that was my path—to honesty, to maturity, to true closeness. These were my choices: brave, risky, illogical, spontaneous. And perhaps my honesty will help you find your own.

Because being yourself is not frightening.

Being yourself is beautiful.

Being yourself is what it means to be whole.

I am not a psychologist by education—but I believe I am something more. I want you to trust my experience, and I hope that after reading this book, your life will become better—just like mine did. But for that, you must read it… and you will understand: every girl becomes a woman, and only she holds the power to build her own happiness.

Today I can say with certainty:

I no longer know what true suffering is.

Not because suffering never existed in my life, but because now I see everything differently.

First: I carry within me an inner compass—feminine energy, powerful, warm, and fierce. It came from my mother—a woman whose eyes reflected strength even in the toughest times.

Second: my unique life experience; my thorny path that I created myself; my decisions; my countless leaps out of my comfort zone. All of this shaped me into a person who simply does not suffer anymore.

I want you to understand me correctly.

I’m not made of iron. I can feel sad—just like any human. Women sometimes feel deeply, and that’s natural. But sadness is not suffering.

I no longer suffer.

And you can learn this too.

Your challenges and difficult situations will teach you. They will strengthen you. This is the best thing that can happen to you. Treat your problems as lessons. Don’t fear the hardships—they are training, and with time you will stop suffering. Nothing and no one will break you.

So let’s learn: not to suffer.

We may feel sad sometimes—but we let the sadness go and move toward a better life. It’s not easy, but it’s possible. Let this become your affirmation. Write it down. Practice it. This is the quality of whole people.

I was fortunate: optimism settled inside me from childhood. I remember how my grandmother and I would sit in front of the TV in the evenings, watching Brazilian soap operas. I was a girl with braided hair and big dreams, imagining that one day I would live like the heroines on the screen—beautifully, freely, with fire in my eyes. I didn’t know then that those evenings would become the foundation of my inner state—to love life, to believe in love, to choose light.

Today I truly believe:

Thoughts shape reality, and suffering is a choice.

Yes, we cannot choose what happens to us. But we always choose how we respond. Cry or grow. Complain or move. Close off or open up.

I chose to live fully.

But before making that choice, I had to go through much more than I could have imagined.

My difficult childhood passed, I grew up, went to school, then to university. I had my first relationship at eighteen. I loved and was loved. I completed seven years of university and earned a master’s degree. And then came 2013.

Everything collapsed in a single year.

I was 23—an age when you don’t yet know who you are, but you think everything is under control. And then, in one instant, life disappeared under my feet.

My grandmother died.

My mother underwent major brain surgery and almost completely lost her health.

My father suffered a stroke.

My relationship—the one I had invested my heart and soul into—ended. Five years with a man I believed was my support, my love, my meaning. He gave me confidence, resources, opportunities—and at the same time, he betrayed me.

He cheated on me in the most difficult period of my life. It was a shock. I trusted him. And suddenly it felt like I had lost everything.

Inside, I “died.”

All this happened at once. I had to make decisions alone. The betrayal was the most painful of all. I gathered every ounce of strength and faced every problem one by one. Not without the help of loved ones. God was always near.

My mother survived the brain surgery and got better.

We buried my grandmother.

My father stabilized.

But my relationship… ended. And the trauma lingered. For a year I lived in pain—love’s pain.

Tears, anxiety, a sense of complete collapse. At that time I worked at the university, finished my master’s thesis, passed exams, and defended my degree with excellence. But inside one question remained:

How do I live now? How do I be alone?

My friends disappeared.

I stood among ruins—but my real life began on those ruins.

I decided to move to Moscow—the city of strong people and great opportunities. It was the best decision of my life. Yes, the path was hard. For the first time I lived alone, far from my parents. I cried, suffered, worked, read—far away from everything familiar. And I didn’t want to go back. Not because Moscow immediately felt like home, but because I was afraid to return to the past…

In that loneliness, I battled for peace of mind, heart, and body.

Day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year—I continued my ascent without a clear plan, without support, but with enormous determination.

Time passed… and I slowly began choosing myself. First in small things—listening to my own desires. Then in bigger ways—seeking opportunities, learning new skills, working on myself externally and internally, going where I felt fear. The pain still lived inside me, but it no longer ruled me.

Distance, time, and inner work healed me.

I learned to look pain in the eyes and move forward.

This is how I was reborn.

Not in one day—but exactly when I had nothing left, I met my true self. And I began to like her.

Today, I look back with gratitude. Even at him—the one with whom everything fell apart. I thank him for the love, for the pain, and for the awakening. Without him, I might have stayed in that comfortable “prison.” Sometimes, to walk into freedom, you must walk through fire.

Every woman at least once in her life meets her “awakener”—someone who shakes her, knocks the ground from under her feet… and with the same act gives her a chance to find herself again.

I share this story with women whose lives are collapsing now. Because when everything collapses—it is terrifying. But that is exactly when a new Self begins to take shape.

I can’t name the exact moment when the final awakening happened—when I realized that I no longer wanted or knew how to suffer.

Maybe it was early morning when sunlight fell on my pillow and I felt silence inside, without blame or self-pity.

It was simply over—and simultaneously beginning.

I stopped waiting for someone to save me.

I stopped praying for things to return “as they were.”

I realized: nothing will be the same again.

And that… is good.

That was my first adult choice—choosing myself.

I was surprised only by one thing:

How had I not awakened sooner?

Because the truth is simple:

Only I choose in my life.

Only I am responsible for my path.

And only I can decide to move forward—at any moment.

If at that moment someone—man or woman—had told me these truths, maybe it would have been easier. But later I understood why life sometimes must collapse.

Keep reading…

I didn’t know yet how to live or what to do next, but I knew one thing:

I would not be a victim.

I no longer wanted to explain why I felt bad.

I no longer wanted to search for someone to blame.

I no longer wanted to live a life that wasn’t mine.

And when you finally let go, something miraculous happens inside—air appears.

At first it smells like fear. Then like silence.

And then, quietly, it begins to smell like… freedom.

Why Does Everything Collapse in a Single Moment?

First, it happens because transformation precedes a new stage of life. Old methods, habits, and people may no longer fit your new reality, and that is why the destruction begins – the transition. Everything unnecessary must leave in order to create space for something better.

Second, life tests your readiness. If the road were easy, the value of reaching your destination would be insignificant. Challenges reveal how much your dream truly matters to you. If you keep moving despite obstacles, you show the world – and yourself – that you are worthy of your success.

Third, a new version of you is being created. Sometimes it is precisely in moments of crisis that we uncover strengths we never knew we had. What once felt impossible becomes the only way forward – and you will handle it.

But what should you do when everything falls apart?

Accept the change. Don’t resist. If something leaves your life, it means it no longer serves you. Open yourself to new possibilities, even if they are not yet visible.

Stay focused on your goal and remind yourself why you began this journey. Write it down, speak it out loud, visualize your victory – let your dream lead you forward.

And of course, trust the process of stepping into a new level of life. Act anyway. Keep taking steps, one after another – they move you forward every day, even when it feels like nothing is changing and you are walking through a storm.

If the path were easy, everyone would take it. But it is meant for the strong – which means you already belong among them.

Remember: the darkest night comes just before dawn, the greatest chaos before a new order. If it feels unbearably hard right now, it means you are standing at the threshold of something great. Do not give up – your day is coming soon, the day your new creative life begins. Dreams come true for those who keep going.

Therapy can help as well. And by therapy, I don’t only mean a psychotherapist’s office with a soft chair and a glass of water on the table. Therapy can take any form of love. It can be a priest in a quiet church if your soul responds to that. It can be your mother, if she is capable of truly hearing you. It can be a friend who does not judge. It can be someone who simply sits beside you when you are silent.

The most important thing is to allow yourself to be vulnerable with those who will not betray you. Because alone we can survive – but true healing always comes through connection.

Faith. Meditation

Each of us believes in something – the Universe, God, the Absolute, our Higher Self… Whatever you choose to call it, all these forces speak to us in different languages but with one intention: to awaken us, to return us to ourselves, to lift the veil of illusions we willingly walk into – out of fear, out of love, out of childish naivety or blind trust.

Nothing in life happens without reason. If the spark of awakening is planted within you, if your soul came into this lifetime not just to live, but to remember who you are, then you will almost certainly have to pass through pain, loss, loneliness, and complete reset. Because only at the very bottom – where nothing familiar remains, where there are no outside voices, no expectations, no masks – you finally hear your own voice.

It was then that I tried something that once seemed strange, even slightly ridiculous to me – meditation.

I had always treated such practices with skepticism. I was a person of logic, a rational thinker with a mathematical education, someone who taught children mathematics for eight years, who led others – and suddenly, there I was, sitting on the floor in a strange pose, listening to the “music of the spheres,” with my eyes closed, trying to hear at least something inside myself.

I began with the simplest: a few minutes of silence, breath, the phrase “I am.”

And suddenly – imagine – it worked.

There was one day I remember vividly. I lay down in a pose I had once seen – a Japanese inverted posture: legs raised against a couch or wall, head lower, body fully relaxed. I went so deep that when my mother entered the room (I was staying with my parents on vacation at the time) and said something to me, I heard her voice but couldn’t answer. My consciousness was somewhere between worlds, and I became truly frightened – because I felt a separation, as if my soul had left my body and was slowly returning.

When I finally reconnected with myself – with my body, with the space around me – I felt like someone different.

Was it… a rebirth?

Yes, I thought. Soft, but unmistakable.

In that moment, I told myself: “You are ready for the new.”

A total reset. A new strength and energy entered me. I had waited for it, released what needed to leave, filled myself up – and I was ready for the next chapter.

My thoughts were clear:

“I no longer want to suffer. I no longer want to be a victim. I refuse to destroy myself from the inside. I don’t want to be a woman living in constant expectation of love while forgetting to love herself. I don’t want to be a parasite in my own life, consuming myself with anger, resentment, and guilt.”

For the first time, I said aloud:

“Never again. Never again will I allow others to treat me that way. Never again will I betray myself just to stay close to someone who betrays me.”

That was my first true turning point.

It felt as if I had tuned into a completely different wavelength and drifted away from my past.

Of course, many more shifts followed – many moments where I lost myself again, searched again – but that first crack in my old self, that first step out of the comfort zone, is unforgettable.

I lived through an experience no university could ever give you.

It wasn’t an academic lesson – it was the school of pain, the school of maturity, the school of self-love.

And I am grateful. Not for the suffering – no.

But for the fact that through it, I learned to truly see myself – not through the eyes of those who betrayed me, but through the eyes of the woman who chose to stay and rise: my own eyes.

Now, when I look back at the path I’ve walked – the internal hurricanes, the collapses, the rebirths – I can say with complete honesty, without even a shadow of pretense: I am happy.

Not in the vague, poetic sense – but truly happy: quietly, deeply, calmly.

Happy in each lived moment, even if it’s imperfect, even if it carries ordinary human sadness or daily routines.

Happy not because life is a fireworks show – but because I can feel life, here and now, without fear.

I no longer chase happiness as a destination or a reward.

I live it – as a way of being, as presence, as grateful witnessing of each breath, each glance, each step – even when it makes me vulnerable, even when it leads me into the unknown.

I no longer suffer as I once did, because now I know how to stay in contact with myself – not to run away, not to suppress, not to freeze in the role of a victim, but to stay with whatever rises inside me and live through it fully, without resistance and without drowning in it.

Yes, I can feel sadness. Sometimes.

My body is alive, my hormones are feminine, my emotions are many.

But I learned to see: behind every emotion stands a thought, behind every thought – a story, behind every story – a choice.

And when you see this inner architecture clearly, you stop confusing sadness with tragedy, and melancholy with the end of the world.

Today, looking at my life, I understand that I no longer cling – not to people, not to roles, not to places, not to things, not to sensations, not even to my own identity.

I have learned to flow – to observe, to experience, to let everything pass through me knowing that everything is temporary, everything is a gift, and nothing belongs to me in the literal sense.

If something painful or unexpected happens now, I no longer put up walls. I don’t pretend. I don’t run into overactivity or excuses. I allow myself to stop and feel it – with full honesty, full depth, and full softness toward myself.